Night Stranger
Horror contest entry11 total reviews
Comment from frierajac
I have always been a Dracula fan. I like the choice of illustrations. There is a calmness in the story, rather than a creepiness afoot. I wonder if your book, The Reflections of a Dog Walker lurks in the background. Is this available for purchase? I walk dogs myself on a daily basis and would like to see what you might have to say.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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I have always been a Dracula fan. I like the choice of illustrations. There is a calmness in the story, rather than a creepiness afoot. I wonder if your book, The Reflections of a Dog Walker lurks in the background. Is this available for purchase? I walk dogs myself on a daily basis and would like to see what you might have to say.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much for your kind praise of "Night Stranger" and for inquiring about "Reflections." No, "Reflections" is still unpublished, but the title poem and others from the collection are posted in my Portfolio here. Feel free to browse.
Rod
Comment from Hitcher
Who doesn't enjoy the legend that is the vampire, if you like horror you like vampires : ) I enjoyed the way you brought the dark eerie scene and characters to life, great writing! Definitely One of the better stories I've read thus far, yours was my last, read them all. Good Luck!!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Who doesn't enjoy the legend that is the vampire, if you like horror you like vampires : ) I enjoyed the way you brought the dark eerie scene and characters to life, great writing! Definitely One of the better stories I've read thus far, yours was my last, read them all. Good Luck!!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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I am delighted you enjoyed this slightly revamped version of the Dracula legend. Rod
Comment from F. Wehr3
Nice take on well known characters. I thought you did a good job setting the tone and atmosphere for the story.
A church bell in the night. --You need a verb in this sentence.
Good luck in the contest. Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Nice take on well known characters. I thought you did a good job setting the tone and atmosphere for the story.
A church bell in the night. --You need a verb in this sentence.
Good luck in the contest. Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Russell, for sharing my story and your best wishes.
Comment from chcbeck
Fantastic descriptive language really building suspense. Great ending and image chosen to compliment your writing. a great contest entry and wish you luck.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Fantastic descriptive language really building suspense. Great ending and image chosen to compliment your writing. a great contest entry and wish you luck.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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I am very pleased you enjoyed my horror story. Thank you so much for your kind praise.
Comment from BeasPeas
Good job with this short entry into the horror contest. A descriptive scene
that the reader can easily follow. Interesting. Dracula will always remain a favorite with me, especially in those old movies when played by Bela Lugosi. I'm not sure if this contest is over or not. Much luck in it. Marilyn
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Good job with this short entry into the horror contest. A descriptive scene
that the reader can easily follow. Interesting. Dracula will always remain a favorite with me, especially in those old movies when played by Bela Lugosi. I'm not sure if this contest is over or not. Much luck in it. Marilyn
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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I am delighted I could bring back some of the old Bela Lugosi movies in this extremely short story. The contest voting just began and I appreciate your best wishes.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a very nice entry for the competition. good taut writing, excellent tension and a good turnaround in the final section.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Hi there,
This is a very nice entry for the competition. good taut writing, excellent tension and a good turnaround in the final section.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Thank you for sharing my story, GMG, and your kind feedback.
Comment from sunnilicious
Good storytelling skills. Nice mix of narrative with dialogue as the story unfolds. Good visual imagery. Good word choices used for emphasis in details and descriptions. Neat work. Good luck in the contest :)
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Good storytelling skills. Nice mix of narrative with dialogue as the story unfolds. Good visual imagery. Good word choices used for emphasis in details and descriptions. Neat work. Good luck in the contest :)
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Thank you, sunnilicious, for your praise of "Night Stranger" and your best wishes.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Daring stranger (Vlad aka Dracula) played the role nicely, author (Van Helsing, an old vampire hunter who tracks down and kills Dracula) did not kill the stranger, I liked the taletelling in nice flow of thoughts and enjoyed this fantastic, moving, thrill like flash fiction.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Daring stranger (Vlad aka Dracula) played the role nicely, author (Van Helsing, an old vampire hunter who tracks down and kills Dracula) did not kill the stranger, I liked the taletelling in nice flow of thoughts and enjoyed this fantastic, moving, thrill like flash fiction.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Hi Gypsy. I am delighted you enjoyed it so much. Thanks so much for sharing and your kind praise.
Comment from nuthead
Clever story telling. I totally anticipated the old man to be the one to fear. Nice twist.
Vivid imagery here, I could see this scene clearly:
"A church bell in the night. He stopped to count each doleful toll. Staring at the filmy moon, I counted with him. Twelve."
I appreciate the note regarding Vlad, referring to Dracula. Gave the story deeper meaning. I had to look up, Van Helsing, as I knew referencing a name must have significance to the story, and it did! Nicely done.
May I offer some smalls suggestions? To tighten, create more immediate drama? When you're allotted so few words, as this form dictates, every word counts, and needs to grab the reader's attention from the first line, and add to the story, the scene, etc.
In my opinion, your opening paragraph could pack more punch, perhaps putting "I watched the stranger." first? That would grab my attention faster than talking about the fog. The fog is important, don't get me wrong! It created drama, but is not the primary focus. Also, the word, "as" at the beginning of the last sentence feels awkward. Some suggestions below:
"I watched the stranger. [Great place to give us a little insight into the narrator. How/why/where was he watching the stranger? through squinting eyes? intensely? from the bench? Or leave it as is, if your intention is to create mystery.] Dense fog slithered around my shoulders [good place to add a simile, describe the narrator's appearance. Perhaps, "...around my shoulders, like a shape-shifting cape." or however YOU see the dense fog around his shoulders.] He hobbled down the path, barely visible through the thicket of tall winter-bare trees. [Nice description!] His cane harshly struck the paving stones as he followed a small dog."
All suggestions you can take or leave. I enjoyed the story, it has all the elements of a good scary tale, and with perhaps a little tightening, drama, description added to the first paragraph, could be awesome!
I like the end, the sarcastic mocking tone before sinking his fangs into the fool who thought a cross could protect him! Nice!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Clever story telling. I totally anticipated the old man to be the one to fear. Nice twist.
Vivid imagery here, I could see this scene clearly:
"A church bell in the night. He stopped to count each doleful toll. Staring at the filmy moon, I counted with him. Twelve."
I appreciate the note regarding Vlad, referring to Dracula. Gave the story deeper meaning. I had to look up, Van Helsing, as I knew referencing a name must have significance to the story, and it did! Nicely done.
May I offer some smalls suggestions? To tighten, create more immediate drama? When you're allotted so few words, as this form dictates, every word counts, and needs to grab the reader's attention from the first line, and add to the story, the scene, etc.
In my opinion, your opening paragraph could pack more punch, perhaps putting "I watched the stranger." first? That would grab my attention faster than talking about the fog. The fog is important, don't get me wrong! It created drama, but is not the primary focus. Also, the word, "as" at the beginning of the last sentence feels awkward. Some suggestions below:
"I watched the stranger. [Great place to give us a little insight into the narrator. How/why/where was he watching the stranger? through squinting eyes? intensely? from the bench? Or leave it as is, if your intention is to create mystery.] Dense fog slithered around my shoulders [good place to add a simile, describe the narrator's appearance. Perhaps, "...around my shoulders, like a shape-shifting cape." or however YOU see the dense fog around his shoulders.] He hobbled down the path, barely visible through the thicket of tall winter-bare trees. [Nice description!] His cane harshly struck the paving stones as he followed a small dog."
All suggestions you can take or leave. I enjoyed the story, it has all the elements of a good scary tale, and with perhaps a little tightening, drama, description added to the first paragraph, could be awesome!
I like the end, the sarcastic mocking tone before sinking his fangs into the fool who thought a cross could protect him! Nice!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much for your sharing my story and your high praise.
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I truly appreciate your taking the time to read and comment in depth about my story I truly appreciate all your suggestions and will definitely go back and look at my opening paragraph. Thank you so much.
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I rewrote the opening paragraph. Please reread and tell me if you like it better.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Oh no! I would hope that Van Helsing wouldn't be caught in a trap like this. The story is well told, and I was anticipating the end. Thank you for sharing, and good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Oh no! I would hope that Van Helsing wouldn't be caught in a trap like this. The story is well told, and I was anticipating the end. Thank you for sharing, and good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Well, Patty, I apologize again for taking liberties with the myth, but I am glad you thought the story was well told. Thank you for sharing.
