Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "haiku (at the road's bend)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
64 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
These are becoming very popular on here and other sites, I will have to learn how to write them. Yours is easily interpreted, a car crashing on a bend into a tree. The poetic way you've written it though, is what makes it stand out, the shattered glass that sparkle pine needles, superb! Well done. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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These are becoming very popular on here and other sites, I will have to learn how to write them. Yours is easily interpreted, a car crashing on a bend into a tree. The poetic way you've written it though, is what makes it stand out, the shattered glass that sparkle pine needles, superb! Well done. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Sandra, for your superb review of my superb haiku about the remnants of a car crash.
Comment from LIJ Red
Here I stumble again on Haiku/Senryu differences. This three-liner seems to say a lot about people. No matter, I get the message. Excellent post. Hey, I like the new warning that a review is too short. Much better than having to start over.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Here I stumble again on Haiku/Senryu differences. This three-liner seems to say a lot about people. No matter, I get the message. Excellent post. Hey, I like the new warning that a review is too short. Much better than having to start over.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Thank you, LIJ Red, for your review and debate about the Haiku/Senryu difference. No people are present in my poem. It is not even satirical like a Senryu. One just sees the impact of humans on nature when there's an accident. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Lena Borghi
This is an excellent haiku which presents us with two juxtaposed, very concrete images in grammatically connected lines. The satori line goes beyond presenting said image to subtly suggest an experience. This is quite effective. Glad the tree survived.
Well crafted and out of the ordinary. Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes,
Lena
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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This is an excellent haiku which presents us with two juxtaposed, very concrete images in grammatically connected lines. The satori line goes beyond presenting said image to subtly suggest an experience. This is quite effective. Glad the tree survived.
Well crafted and out of the ordinary. Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes,
Lena
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Yes, Lena, the tree survived. I am unsure about the people who drove their car into it.
Thank you for your excited, enthusiastic, six star review of my "Well crafted and out of the ordinary." You are very correct on that because this week's theme for the Haiku Club is trees. I read all of the posts so far. While many wrote of autumn leaves or cherry blossoms, no one wrote a dramatic story involving a tree like the poem I composed. Thanks again.
Comment from artemis53
Very well done. I admire your ability to present an extremely complicated story in so few words. Luckily, I immediately got it since these prove difficult for myself.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Very well done. I admire your ability to present an extremely complicated story in so few words. Luckily, I immediately got it since these prove difficult for myself.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Yes, artemis53, many reviewers have praised my ability to tell "an extremely complicated story in so few words." Thank you for your review.
Comment from lyenochka
I like how this short poem tells an entire story. The road's bend is poetic enough as it could be an unexpected event in life. But the shatter glass and pine needles are a puzzling combination and finally, we learned that a car met with a tree. Ingeniously told. (By the way, I'm afraid to call anything a haiku because I've been told by some reviewers about a need for kigo and sattori and to forget the 17 syllable count etc. I would say your last line has a sattori effect. Do the pine needles count for kigo?)
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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I like how this short poem tells an entire story. The road's bend is poetic enough as it could be an unexpected event in life. But the shatter glass and pine needles are a puzzling combination and finally, we learned that a car met with a tree. Ingeniously told. (By the way, I'm afraid to call anything a haiku because I've been told by some reviewers about a need for kigo and sattori and to forget the 17 syllable count etc. I would say your last line has a sattori effect. Do the pine needles count for kigo?)
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Yes, lyenochka, as I was writing list I researched a list of 500 Kigo words because the three scarred trees I witnessed along the roads were all pines. Fallen evergreen leaves is a kigo for early summer, but I see these scarred trees all of the time.
Thank you for your review. Like you, many people praised by ability to tell an entire story in a short poem.
Comment from Janet Foor
An excellent haiku depicting a tragic accident. It's funny the things we remember from a tragedy. An employee of mine had a heart attack at the office at lunch time. There were three of us still in the office. Later, we had a debriefing for those of us involved. All one person could remember is the EMT ripping open the man's shirt and seeing the buttons fly all over the floor. No one else saw are remembered that part of the incident.
I thought of that when I read your poem and the shattered glass sparkling on the pine needles. A vivid image.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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An excellent haiku depicting a tragic accident. It's funny the things we remember from a tragedy. An employee of mine had a heart attack at the office at lunch time. There were three of us still in the office. Later, we had a debriefing for those of us involved. All one person could remember is the EMT ripping open the man's shirt and seeing the buttons fly all over the floor. No one else saw are remembered that part of the incident.
I thought of that when I read your poem and the shattered glass sparkling on the pine needles. A vivid image.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Yes, Janet, in my walks I often encounter along the road scarred trees and shattered glass everywhere--remnants of car accidents. Fatalities happened at several of these sites. Wile others zip past these scarred trees without a thought, I like to reflect upon the untold tragedy that happened. Thank you for your generous, six star review of my vivid poem.
Comment from tfawcus
If the art of the Haiku is to create a graphic image in a few words, this poem of yours certainly succeeds. The sharp imagery of the second line is intense.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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If the art of the Haiku is to create a graphic image in a few words, this poem of yours certainly succeeds. The sharp imagery of the second line is intense.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Yes, tfawcus, dried pine needles by themselves on the ground are beautiful in their own way, but when you see shards of auto glass intermingled among them beneath a scarred tree it creates a sharp, graphic image. Thank you for your review.
Comment from estory
This is maybe the best haiku you have written, in my opinion. the first line is just off by one syllable, but otherwise, it has that perfect balance, and the images are really fantastic. this image of the broken glass sparkling in the road, among the pine needles, really captures that moment of the accident, of death, untimely death, and this tragedy. The scarred tree is a really great metaphore for the injured or dead person of the accident. Because this is all done in images, and metaphore, we can bring our own experiences to it, our own emotions.this is the essence of good haiku. congratulations on a really great haiku, my friend estory
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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This is maybe the best haiku you have written, in my opinion. the first line is just off by one syllable, but otherwise, it has that perfect balance, and the images are really fantastic. this image of the broken glass sparkling in the road, among the pine needles, really captures that moment of the accident, of death, untimely death, and this tragedy. The scarred tree is a really great metaphore for the injured or dead person of the accident. Because this is all done in images, and metaphore, we can bring our own experiences to it, our own emotions.this is the essence of good haiku. congratulations on a really great haiku, my friend estory
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Yes, yes, yes, estory, whenever I see these scarred trees along the side of the road, shattered glass sparkling the fallen pine needles, I wonder if the people in the accidents survived. I know of at least three locations along my route to work where people did not survive. To me, the sites become haunted. 99% of the drivers whiz by and go about their lives, but I always think about the people who died at that scarred tree which is a metaphoric version of a roadside cross. I especially found this line in your review resonated with me:
"The scarred tree is a really great metaphor for the injured or dead person of the accident."
Thank you for your generous, six star review and for calling it "maybe the best haiku you have written."
I appreciate it.
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It sounds to me that you have the soul of a writer. Writers are observers of life and the emotions raised by the events in it. Whatever you have to say, its starts from that. Look forward to more of your poems estory
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The forces man against nature! Trees are so strong and obviously withstood the blast, but not sure about the human! A different and also sad write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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The forces man against nature! Trees are so strong and obviously withstood the blast, but not sure about the human! A different and also sad write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Yes, Dolly, I'm not sure if the humans withstood it either. Thank you for your review of "a different and also sad write."
Comment from June Sargent
What a powerful statement made in a few short lines! This planet just may not survive if man continues to make his destructive mark on it. It shouldn't just survive, it should thrive. Well done
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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What a powerful statement made in a few short lines! This planet just may not survive if man continues to make his destructive mark on it. It shouldn't just survive, it should thrive. Well done
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Thank you, June, for your generous review and kind thoughts about my "powerful statement in a few short lines!"
