Tanka Waka
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "tanka (fall memories)"A collection of Japanese short poetry
15 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing the tanka that inspired you and the parallel picture of undulating grass. I appreciated your use of alliteration and energetic prickles, along with your lighthearted conclusion. Hugs and happy weekend- Joan
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017
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Thank you for sharing the tanka that inspired you and the parallel picture of undulating grass. I appreciated your use of alliteration and energetic prickles, along with your lighthearted conclusion. Hugs and happy weekend- Joan
Comment Written 11-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017
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Thanks a bunch! Have an awesome weekend :)
Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Haiku Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
Comment from judiverse
This flows so smoothly. We live in a development where we pay a monthly maintenance fee so we don't have to worry about lawn care. Your Tanka establishes a mood of loneliness and wishful thinking that the guy was there for her. Nice alliteration with memories and meticulously mowed. Your word "memories" is plural, so you need the plural verb, prickle. judi
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017
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This flows so smoothly. We live in a development where we pay a monthly maintenance fee so we don't have to worry about lawn care. Your Tanka establishes a mood of loneliness and wishful thinking that the guy was there for her. Nice alliteration with memories and meticulously mowed. Your word "memories" is plural, so you need the plural verb, prickle. judi
Comment Written 11-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much, my friend, your kind words made my day. Have an awesome weekend!
Namaste
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You're very welcome. judi
Comment from Sis Cat
Thank you, Gypsy, for your superb tanka about overgrown summer grass needing a mowing. Your details in your haiku portion are sharp and vivid. The last two lines reflects the comments of an exasperated woman over her man not being here to cut the grass. Perhaps he is dead or in the army. This is a fine poem. Once the lawn is cut, you can write another tanka about the smell of cut grass.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Gypsy, for your superb tanka about overgrown summer grass needing a mowing. Your details in your haiku portion are sharp and vivid. The last two lines reflects the comments of an exasperated woman over her man not being here to cut the grass. Perhaps he is dead or in the army. This is a fine poem. Once the lawn is cut, you can write another tanka about the smell of cut grass.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much, my friend, your kind words made my day. Have an awesome weekend!
Namaste
Comment from Hitcher
I loved your well crafted Tanka friend, I would expect nothing less though, I could feel the longing for what once was and could feel the warmth the memory Gave, pretty cool for so few words Gypsy.
That said , me being a sensual creature I read it as it was meant to be read and ...well, with a sensual perspective/spin :) now that brought a smile to my face too. Hey! that's me : )
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017
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I loved your well crafted Tanka friend, I would expect nothing less though, I could feel the longing for what once was and could feel the warmth the memory Gave, pretty cool for so few words Gypsy.
That said , me being a sensual creature I read it as it was meant to be read and ...well, with a sensual perspective/spin :) now that brought a smile to my face too. Hey! that's me : )
Comment Written 11-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017
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The beauty of Japanese poetry is that it is different for everyone. Like a Willie Wonka bubblegum piece of a thousand flavors but I think our interpretations are not too different.
Thank you for the review and kind words.
Comment from emptypage
Nice. This is a wonderful memory for me, as well, except we have very little grass in Autumn. But I can smell newly mown grass and see the perfection of a manicured lawn, and it makes me happy to be outside.
"prickles my mind...." <<< perfect.
Nice work.
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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017
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Nice. This is a wonderful memory for me, as well, except we have very little grass in Autumn. But I can smell newly mown grass and see the perfection of a manicured lawn, and it makes me happy to be outside.
"prickles my mind...." <<< perfect.
Nice work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017
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Thank you
