Comment from Mark Schardine

Excellent

It starts out as a thoughtful yearning and an appreciation of the beauty of the natural world, then you turn everything around and inform of someone's negligence.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2017

thank you, my friend,






Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>o<> Haiku 201 starts on April 5th<>o<>

Comment from Lu Saluna

Excellent

I don't know how I missed this one!
I really like it. This tanka is very sentimental and reminds me of times when I could do a good job of mowing my own lawn. Something I really enjoy. Hopefully by next summer, I will be more fit to do so.
Brings up lots of memories for me.

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2017

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017

Hello, sweetie pie,

Thank you, sweetie pie, I really appreciate your review.

Namaste,


Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Haiku Instructor and published author
member of the Haiku Society of America

Comment from Grasshopper2

Excellent

Haiijin-Sensei,
For your consideration
Here: oh how I [wish my man was here]
Edited: oh how I wish my man were here
Here is why. When used with the word WISH, the subjunctive form of the verb WAS is the correct way. The subjunctive mood is the verb form used when expressing a wish, demand, suggestion, or making a statement that is contrary to fact. Certain verbs, such as advise, ask, command, desire, insist, propose, recommend, suggest, and urge and certain adjectives such as crucial, desirable, essential, important, and vital signal the subjunctive mood. In most cases, the subjunctive form is the bare (root) form of the verb. Is and are become be. Runs become run and were is the past tense of was.

Having said that, I know poetry is subjective and if the said poet, which is you Lady Blue, she has creative license to pen whatever her heart and muse so desire. I like your use of punctuation, and your photo melds well with the tanka.

Grasshopper

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2017

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017

Hello, my friend,

Thank you, sweetie pie, I really appreciate your review.

Namaste,


Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Haiku Instructor and published author
member of the Haiku Society of America

Comment from judester

Excellent

Hi sweetie, great tanka. Can I just say that I disagree with your contest being pulled. I thought it was a fresh and innovative approach. I had one of your tankas lined up and looked forward to adding my thoughts.I hope that all s well with you, love j

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017

Hello, honey, thank you for being so kind to me. I am doing well and the gypsy tanka is water under the bridge. It won't stop me from writing other contests. :) I was not promoting plagiarism and anyone who thinks I was is stupid and smells funny.... hahaha

luv ya, thank you for the review. I hope you are doing well. I went through a tough spell but I am feeling better.

reply by judester on 14-Mar-2017

I thought the concept was great on a few levels. Plagerism my ass, find a poem that interests you tells alot about the contest entrant, then elaborate with two lines of your own. Very clever and challenging. Much better than the last man on earth who hears a knock on his crumbling castle just down the road from the bar where two women sit reminising about burning discos and would this be of use to you? sheesh. Your contest was a cool breeze my friend. I hope that you are feeling better and remember that you have a friend in Tanzania. xxj

Comment from Douglas Paul

Excellent

I think you did a good job on this, my friend. I like the way you used nature to reflect a human emotion. This is a very good observation of a feeling that you had and wrote down - I think this what Tanka has been about for a long time

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2017

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reply by the author on 12-Mar-2017

Thank you, Douglas, you are very kind,

Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Haiku Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~

Comment from winnona

Excellent

A well-writtenTanka poem. I think you have done well with this poem capturing the feel of nature and the desire of man to conform it to their will. the artwork and background color completed it well.

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2017

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reply by the author on 12-Mar-2017

Thank you, honey,



Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Haiku Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~

Comment from Dean Kuch

Exceptional

Being that I know of the tanka poet Izumi Shikibu's writing, I am also aware that she wrote a great deal of her tanka with erotica as a central theme.
However, being that this is listed as War & History" poetry, I am inclined to believe that's not the case in this instance.
I picture a wife's whose beloved husband has gone off to war, leaving her behind to tend to the rigorous, tedious day-to-day chores that maintaining a household requires.
And each time she has to mend the lawn, she thinks fondly of him and wishes he were home.
In a word...
...beautiful!

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2017

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reply by the author on 12-Mar-2017

Hello, Deano-son,

oh no! It is not supposed to be war and history ... that was a mistake on my part. I must have clicked on the wrong button.
Thank you for the glorious six stars and triumphant review. You made me feel happy. Thank you, my Dean, you are very kind.

Gypsy Haijin Sensei

reply by Dean Kuch on 12-Mar-2017

Oh?
Well, whatever category it's meant to be, it's still very good.
You're more than welcome, Gypsy.
~Dean :)

Comment from Sasha

Good

I read the definition of Tanka and must admit, my brain is not working very hard to help me understand this style better. I got a little confused on the purpose of the first three lines and then the last two lines...maybe you could clear that up for me. all that aside, I like this poem, it flows smoothly and the last two lines made me smile. Beyond that I am mentally Tanka illiterate. I can only comment on what I like and what I don't like. There is nothing in this delightful poem that I did not like.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2017

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017

Thank you, honey, I appreciate your reading and reviewing. Have an awesome weekend, my friend. :)
Basho's mother and his best friend died so he decided to go on a trip and leave his home behind. It was a spiritual journey of a kind. As he left, he thought about the home and all the sweet memories and had. He imagined how his home would be something new and precious to the new owners... you know how that is. My next two lines show the way I feel about the poem.


This is an assignment for my students and I thought people would enjoy it but I was wrong. It happens. You can't win them all. :)



Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Haiku Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~

reply by Sasha on 11-Mar-2017

Thanks for taking the time to explain this one to me. Knowing the meaning behind the words, I find it a superb poem and love your carefully chosen words. Again, I apologize for my poor ability to always understand poetry. I think it is genetic and I got the largest portion of that terrible gene.

Comment from Marykelly

Excellent

The message I get from this poem is literal and suggestive. The speaker longs for the man in her life to cut the grass that once had been so meticulously cared for, and on a deeper level she longs for the man who had so meticulously cared for her.

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2017

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017

Thank you, honey, I appreciate your reading and reviewing. Have an awesome weekend, my friend. :)

Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Haiku Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Thanks for the reminder, spring is on it's way. Oh, how I enjoy the warmer weather, but I wish the grass was replaced with AstroTurf. No more mowing, and a lot less sneezing. Great job. :-)

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2017

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017

Hahaha ... I hear you, my friend, mowing the lawn is a pain. I live in an apartment so I don't have to do it but I did it when I owned a home.

Thanks a bunch! Have an awesome weekend :)

Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Haiku Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~