One man's journey to get clean
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Gary accepts treatment"Getting clean from meth isn't easy
25 total reviews
Comment from Heidi M
This is very well-written, Patty. I like the way you have explained his condition through the questions he was answering.
A couple things for you to consider:
Did Gary gaze to the world or at the world? I think one gazes at something, not to it.
This sentence: 'He never dreamed he would spend so long indoors for such a period' it sounded redundant to have both 'so long' and 'such a period'. I think one of them would suffice.
This section: 'How often did he feel so low, getting out of bed was a chore? He knew this one was a yes.' A 'how often' question is nit answered with a yes or no. Possibly say 'Did he often feel so low that getting out of bed was a chore?'.
'sitting in all these meeting(s)
I hope this was helpful. Feel free to ignore any of it!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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This is very well-written, Patty. I like the way you have explained his condition through the questions he was answering.
A couple things for you to consider:
Did Gary gaze to the world or at the world? I think one gazes at something, not to it.
This sentence: 'He never dreamed he would spend so long indoors for such a period' it sounded redundant to have both 'so long' and 'such a period'. I think one of them would suffice.
This section: 'How often did he feel so low, getting out of bed was a chore? He knew this one was a yes.' A 'how often' question is nit answered with a yes or no. Possibly say 'Did he often feel so low that getting out of bed was a chore?'.
'sitting in all these meeting(s)
I hope this was helpful. Feel free to ignore any of it!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you for stopping by to read and review. I so appreciate your thoughtful comments and critique. I will go back and edit the paragraphs you indicated. Your review made me smile and feel good about the piece,
~patty~
Comment from MaxN
Honestly, this is great. I love how well you have portrayed the rehabilitation center, the question s that are asked of Gary and how he reflects upon each and every one of them before answering. It's a great way to convey the disturbed and confused thoughts of the main character. I also love how he shares his secret of being gay in the group, the moving speech that he gives in the group and how well it was received by the rest. I could not find any mistakes, which is great. I'm very interested in how this story will unfold, so please keep writing!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Honestly, this is great. I love how well you have portrayed the rehabilitation center, the question s that are asked of Gary and how he reflects upon each and every one of them before answering. It's a great way to convey the disturbed and confused thoughts of the main character. I also love how he shares his secret of being gay in the group, the moving speech that he gives in the group and how well it was received by the rest. I could not find any mistakes, which is great. I'm very interested in how this story will unfold, so please keep writing!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. Your thoughtful comments were positive and well received. I will keep writing. It usually takes me a week to work on each chapter - I hope it shows in the finished project!
THE STARS ARE AWESOME!!
~patty~
Comment from Caressa_08
Oh, I just love your work!...And, it seem so real, and everything fit in place so nicely, even though your main character has a troubling, identity problem in accepting who he is and addictions to cope with, and in today's world that is an ongoing problem for a lot of young people, and for so many others.
Just wish I had a six to give....And hope to read more of your writings...C.
God Bless
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Oh, I just love your work!...And, it seem so real, and everything fit in place so nicely, even though your main character has a troubling, identity problem in accepting who he is and addictions to cope with, and in today's world that is an ongoing problem for a lot of young people, and for so many others.
Just wish I had a six to give....And hope to read more of your writings...C.
God Bless
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful and positive critique. I'm glad you enjoy my work and hope you will come along on Gary's journey to get clean of his addiction and deal with underlying mental condition.
~patty~
Comment from Poetic Friend
Patty,
Your story was engaging. You seem to be well-knowledgeable about addiction, psychological tests, and overall mental illness, which is a subject that needs to given more awareness.
Thank you for providing the background information. I was able to follow the story and its main characters with this information. I love the line "recycled air."
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reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Patty,
Your story was engaging. You seem to be well-knowledgeable about addiction, psychological tests, and overall mental illness, which is a subject that needs to given more awareness.
Thank you for providing the background information. I was able to follow the story and its main characters with this information. I love the line "recycled air."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. My continuing story of Gary's recovery has me doing a great deal of research, and I'm always thrilled when someone says the piece comes across as knowledgable. I would hate to do a poor job of relaying this message about mental illness.
~patty~
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Job well done, Patty. :)
Comment from patcelaw
Pattry, this is a touching story and I can relate, I have bipolar disorder and have spent time in the mental health hospital and gone through group therapy. It is not a place I really want to be and the surroundings are awful. The last time there they had put in stainless steel toilets and those thing were so cold it was awful. Patricia
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reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Pattry, this is a touching story and I can relate, I have bipolar disorder and have spent time in the mental health hospital and gone through group therapy. It is not a place I really want to be and the surroundings are awful. The last time there they had put in stainless steel toilets and those thing were so cold it was awful. Patricia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. A great deal of Gary's experience is based on my time in the psychiatric hospitals through my journey to find out what was wrong with me. Gary shares my dual diagnosis and sometimes the brutal truth is hard me to write. Thank you for sharing your own struggles with me.
~patty~
