Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "haiku (far from floral fields)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
73 total reviews
Comment from estory
This poem captures that moment of summer passing, of life passing into autumn, into winter. perfectly correct balance in the form, it has that natural image, and the connection to our experience, the transitory nature of life estory
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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This poem captures that moment of summer passing, of life passing into autumn, into winter. perfectly correct balance in the form, it has that natural image, and the connection to our experience, the transitory nature of life estory
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Estory, for your review of my haiku about the transitory nature of life.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku. It is very bad that the bees have to die because of human neglect. Our continuous existence depend on the well being of the bees.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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A very well-written haiku. It is very bad that the bees have to die because of human neglect. Our continuous existence depend on the well being of the bees.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Yes, Sandra, our continual existence depends on the well being of bees. Thank you for your review and concerns.
Comment from robyn corum
far from floral fields
a bee dies on porch wasteland
farewell sweet summer
Andre,
I'm a huge believer in cutting poems to the bone - til they scream out in pain! *smile* I'm a great minimalist. (Of course, I have a whole list of other 'rules' I go by, if you're ever interested.) But I would humbly suggest you revise this poem to simply read:
far from floral fields
a bee dies on my porch
farewell sweet summer
Hope that makes sense to you. I absolutely LOVE the imagery!! GrEAT job!
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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far from floral fields
a bee dies on porch wasteland
farewell sweet summer
Andre,
I'm a huge believer in cutting poems to the bone - til they scream out in pain! *smile* I'm a great minimalist. (Of course, I have a whole list of other 'rules' I go by, if you're ever interested.) But I would humbly suggest you revise this poem to simply read:
far from floral fields
a bee dies on my porch
farewell sweet summer
Hope that makes sense to you. I absolutely LOVE the imagery!! GrEAT job!
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Robyn, for your review and for your suggestion to cut my poem to the bone. I accepted your suggestion, making for a tighter poem. "far from floral fields" implies the porch is a wasteland. Thank you for your review and for loving my imagery.
Comment from DR DIP
Bees and ants they are both amazing creatures they both have workers in the colony. This haiku made me ask the question What is a typical lifespan of a bee you think? Nice write Sis. Watch out Mina doesn't get stung
dip
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Bees and ants they are both amazing creatures they both have workers in the colony. This haiku made me ask the question What is a typical lifespan of a bee you think? Nice write Sis. Watch out Mina doesn't get stung
dip
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Dip, I know that the queen can live several years. Wikipedia says, "In the winter when there is no foraging, workers can live four to six months. The average lifespan of a honey bee worker in the summer is about six weeks: three weeks working in the hive and three weeks foraging."
Thank you for your review of my haiku about an amazing creature.
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thanks for your explanation Sis
dip
Comment from Mustang Patty
The poor bee will miss out on some delicious nectar. Poor bees! They have such a short life span, and most of their existence is spent working.
Your short little poem tells a story of loss and the coming of spring. Well done.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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The poor bee will miss out on some delicious nectar. Poor bees! They have such a short life span, and most of their existence is spent working.
Your short little poem tells a story of loss and the coming of spring. Well done.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Patty, for your review of my "short little poem."
Comment from bookishfabler
First very lovely. Second, I have two adorable Chihuahua mixes. So smart and sweet. Third, I had an Aunt Mina, though I think it was spelled Minna. My Chi's find those dying bees in the grass, I try to stop them from playing with them in case they have one last sting in them.
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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First very lovely. Second, I have two adorable Chihuahua mixes. So smart and sweet. Third, I had an Aunt Mina, though I think it was spelled Minna. My Chi's find those dying bees in the grass, I try to stop them from playing with them in case they have one last sting in them.
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Yes, Heidi, you never know if those dying bees have one last sting in them. Thank you for your review. Keep your Chi's safe.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Sis - Lovely haiku on a topical subject - many bees are dying through loss of habitat. This is well written with lines one and two interconnecting perfectly and line three is a good satori. 'To bee or not to bee' - clever use of homophone. Well done - Dorothy
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Hi Sis - Lovely haiku on a topical subject - many bees are dying through loss of habitat. This is well written with lines one and two interconnecting perfectly and line three is a good satori. 'To bee or not to bee' - clever use of homophone. Well done - Dorothy
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Dorothy, for your review of my "lovely haiku on a topical subject." I appreciate it.
Comment from emptypage
Wow. The more I read this, the more profound it felt.
With all our bees dying off, I wonder if we will ever have normalcy in nature again. Of course, bees are just one precursor to the end of things as we know them. They are just happening so quickly now....
Wonderfully crafted poem.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Wow. The more I read this, the more profound it felt.
With all our bees dying off, I wonder if we will ever have normalcy in nature again. Of course, bees are just one precursor to the end of things as we know them. They are just happening so quickly now....
Wonderfully crafted poem.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, emptypage, for your enthusiastic review of my "wonderfully crafted poem."
Comment from Dean Kuch
As the bees go, so goes the human race, Andre.
As I'm sure you know, the honey bee is a major pollinator of many of our food crops, almonds, apples, avocados, blueberries, cantaloupes, cherries, cranberries, cucumbers, sunflowers, watermelon and many other crops all rely on honey bees for pollination.
So, if honey bees disappear and we do not find replacements that can do the work they do, then foods that we take for granted will decrease in supply and increase in price. In other words, there is a direct connection between the bees pollinating the crops and our ability to provide food for our families.
Bees are losing their food sources. Rural and forested land is consistently being developed for housing and shopping malls, reducing the flower sources bees feed on. In addition, bees can't find nectar and pollen as easily as they used to because of weed sprays and "better" pasture care. The weeds, from which they gather much wildflower honey, simply aren't there.
This is what's known in haiku circles as a "true haiku".
You were there, you experienced this and was inspired by your experience.
You can't any better haiku than that!
Well done,
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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As the bees go, so goes the human race, Andre.
As I'm sure you know, the honey bee is a major pollinator of many of our food crops, almonds, apples, avocados, blueberries, cantaloupes, cherries, cranberries, cucumbers, sunflowers, watermelon and many other crops all rely on honey bees for pollination.
So, if honey bees disappear and we do not find replacements that can do the work they do, then foods that we take for granted will decrease in supply and increase in price. In other words, there is a direct connection between the bees pollinating the crops and our ability to provide food for our families.
Bees are losing their food sources. Rural and forested land is consistently being developed for housing and shopping malls, reducing the flower sources bees feed on. In addition, bees can't find nectar and pollen as easily as they used to because of weed sprays and "better" pasture care. The weeds, from which they gather much wildflower honey, simply aren't there.
This is what's known in haiku circles as a "true haiku".
You were there, you experienced this and was inspired by your experience.
You can't any better haiku than that!
Well done,
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Yes, thank you, Dean, for your review of my "true haiku." I enjoy writing haiku based upon personal experiences. I could string all of the haiku I wrote this year and practically have a diary. Thank you also for your analysis about the decimation of the bee population and the impact that will have on us humans.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
My sister's name is Mina :) Also, Mina Harker, heroine of "Bram Stoker's Dracula". I bet your tiny Mina is a diva. ;)
far from floral fields<>a bee dies on porch wasteland--
farewell sweet summer
Your phrase connects superbly well. The satori is tragic for the bee but part of nature's perfect balance.
The presentation is fantastic.
I love it, you wrote the perfect haiku and it happened before your eyes.
Well done my friend. I felt like I was right there with you dipping my biscotti in my delicious cafe latte and discussing tanka with you and Mina.
Gypsy Haijin Sensei
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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My sister's name is Mina :) Also, Mina Harker, heroine of "Bram Stoker's Dracula". I bet your tiny Mina is a diva. ;)
far from floral fields<>a bee dies on porch wasteland--
farewell sweet summer
Your phrase connects superbly well. The satori is tragic for the bee but part of nature's perfect balance.
The presentation is fantastic.
I love it, you wrote the perfect haiku and it happened before your eyes.
Well done my friend. I felt like I was right there with you dipping my biscotti in my delicious cafe latte and discussing tanka with you and Mina.
Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Yes, Gypsy, we named Mina after Wilhelmina Harker in Dracula. My Chihuahua is a diva and has a fine nose for sniffing out haiku inspiration.. thank you for your review of my "perfect haiku (which) happened before your eyes."
