Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "haiku (far from floral fields)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
73 total reviews
Comment from Grasshopper2
Hi Andre,
Your count of 5 6 5 with a total of 16 total syllables is under the required 17 or less. It and adheres to the traditional format of short/long/short. Your first two lines display a clear grammatical connection and reveal detailed imagery in the present tense. Your haiku is an observation of a moment in time captured in nature. With only 13 words, you show discipline with choosing the best words to use. The satori is an excellent summation of lines one and two.
Sad, I love honey bees and all things in nature.
Michael
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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Hi Andre,
Your count of 5 6 5 with a total of 16 total syllables is under the required 17 or less. It and adheres to the traditional format of short/long/short. Your first two lines display a clear grammatical connection and reveal detailed imagery in the present tense. Your haiku is an observation of a moment in time captured in nature. With only 13 words, you show discipline with choosing the best words to use. The satori is an excellent summation of lines one and two.
Sad, I love honey bees and all things in nature.
Michael
Comment Written 14-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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Yes, Mike, you would not believe how much discipline I must use to choose the best word to convey a picture and an emotion. I can spend hours puzzling over a word. Thank you for your review.
Comment from cumulus365
Hi Siscat, This poem is sos sos oozing with sadness. Your words and illustration tie altogether with the theme of death. I like your simple directness to use " die" rather than round and about death expression. Bumblebees are cute and they do their job with the pollen. It is so lovely in this poem how all the words with alliteration "f" come together and they just flow out like water spreading. I seldom see a dead bumblebee, but it does leave a heavy heart to see such a big plump of body laying motionless there.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
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Hi Siscat, This poem is sos sos oozing with sadness. Your words and illustration tie altogether with the theme of death. I like your simple directness to use " die" rather than round and about death expression. Bumblebees are cute and they do their job with the pollen. It is so lovely in this poem how all the words with alliteration "f" come together and they just flow out like water spreading. I seldom see a dead bumblebee, but it does leave a heavy heart to see such a big plump of body laying motionless there.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
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Yes, cumulus365, my Chihuahua and I were entranced to see the bee die on our porch. You are right--I like the simplicity of the word "die" for this poem "so oozing with sadness." Thank you for your review.
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello Sis Cat, I was reading some FS haiku and your poem caught my eye. Excellent alliteration:
far from floral fields
Of special note:
a bee dies on my porch
(Good imagery - I can see it, and the porch floor is stained in gray in my vision.)
Great satori ending. A pleasure to read. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017
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Hello Sis Cat, I was reading some FS haiku and your poem caught my eye. Excellent alliteration:
far from floral fields
Of special note:
a bee dies on my porch
(Good imagery - I can see it, and the porch floor is stained in gray in my vision.)
Great satori ending. A pleasure to read. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 11-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2017
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Thank you, LateBloomer, for your generous review of my eye-catching haiku. Generally, many haiku writers omit unnecessary articles like "a" which does not add to the haiku but wastes one of your seventeen syllables. Thanks for reading.
Comment from damommy
This is lovely. I'm sorry I don't know anything else to say. I felt a little nostalgic reading this.
It's the end of the era for that poor bee. I find it fascinating that, aerodynamically speaking, it should be impossible for bumblebees to fly.
I like that you write about what you see. It comes from the heart. 8-)
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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This is lovely. I'm sorry I don't know anything else to say. I felt a little nostalgic reading this.
It's the end of the era for that poor bee. I find it fascinating that, aerodynamically speaking, it should be impossible for bumblebees to fly.
I like that you write about what you see. It comes from the heart. 8-)
Comment Written 10-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Yes, damommy, when I write what I see, it comes from my heart. Thank you for your review of my "lovely" haiku.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi SisCat,
The bee, perhaps, came out of hibernation too early due to unseasonably warm temperatures? I haven't seen a bee since August, since our snow came in early September this winter. I enjoyed the alliteration of f in this piece, though I know that isn't often a component of a haiku. Great job!
Thanks for sharing!
Kim
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Hi SisCat,
The bee, perhaps, came out of hibernation too early due to unseasonably warm temperatures? I haven't seen a bee since August, since our snow came in early September this winter. I enjoyed the alliteration of f in this piece, though I know that isn't often a component of a haiku. Great job!
Thanks for sharing!
Kim
Comment Written 10-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Kim, for your review. We had hail last weekend in San Francisco. Pity any bee who happened to me flying. It has also been cold and wet, although things are warming slightly now. Come to think of it, that was the only bee I have seen this spring so far. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I will assume you are inferring about the dying of bees, due to pesticides, so strong, they are coated with it, and take it back to the queen bee, and kill the whole hive. It is disgraceful, and the end of fertilizing the many crops we eat. We will not survive much longer than the bees. I like the picture you chose to represent your poem. I like the first line the best, it rolls off of the tongue so well. "far from floral fields" feels neat to say out loud. Thank you for enlightening the readership of the plight of bees. The haiku was well done.
Take care, Jesse
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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I will assume you are inferring about the dying of bees, due to pesticides, so strong, they are coated with it, and take it back to the queen bee, and kill the whole hive. It is disgraceful, and the end of fertilizing the many crops we eat. We will not survive much longer than the bees. I like the picture you chose to represent your poem. I like the first line the best, it rolls off of the tongue so well. "far from floral fields" feels neat to say out loud. Thank you for enlightening the readership of the plight of bees. The haiku was well done.
Take care, Jesse
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Yes, Jesse, the death of bees due to pesticides I troubling, especially since California farmers depend on bees. I am glad you enjoyed and was enlightened by my poem. Thank you for your review of my "well done" haiku.
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You're welcome.
Comment from ciliverde
Hi Andre, I love that you write about what you see - that's what I tend to do. Some of the time, anyway. Even my next poem about Cholera in Algiers (I'm reading The Plague right now). Anyway, I love this deceptively simple haiku. That bee, so far from where you suspect she might have lived, is breathing her last on your porch...farewell to sweet summer...and here, it seems that so much more could be seen within these words. The bittersweet feeling when summer goes, for death must occur as this happens. Yet, the cycle of life and seasons goes on...
Well done!
Carol
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Hi Andre, I love that you write about what you see - that's what I tend to do. Some of the time, anyway. Even my next poem about Cholera in Algiers (I'm reading The Plague right now). Anyway, I love this deceptively simple haiku. That bee, so far from where you suspect she might have lived, is breathing her last on your porch...farewell to sweet summer...and here, it seems that so much more could be seen within these words. The bittersweet feeling when summer goes, for death must occur as this happens. Yet, the cycle of life and seasons goes on...
Well done!
Carol
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Yes, Carol, while I applaud other poets' ability to write based upon imagination, books, or Internet searches, I draw my poetry directly from things I observe. I creativity comes from seeing what is around me. My ideas are right at my feet.
Yes, my haiku appears simple, but it is bittersweet as not only the bee's life ends, but also summer. "Yet, the cycle of life and seasons goes on..."
Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from Caressa_08
I have a fear of bees to a certain extent as think I'm the one who ever got stung & never had that happen in all my years... would suffe ar terrible reaction as so sensitive to everything.. though also feel for these much needed insects because their population has been decreasing because of pesticides and so-called enhancements of chemical poisons for crops and too for some flower gardens to make good for nice-looking veggies, though deadly to bees & people in the long run with this GMO technology.
A very nice haiku, that keeps this reader, buzzing about how this little critter passed....And really it could have been anything under the sun, though, must admit you have a nice kicker line at the end of this haiku.
Caressa_08
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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I have a fear of bees to a certain extent as think I'm the one who ever got stung & never had that happen in all my years... would suffe ar terrible reaction as so sensitive to everything.. though also feel for these much needed insects because their population has been decreasing because of pesticides and so-called enhancements of chemical poisons for crops and too for some flower gardens to make good for nice-looking veggies, though deadly to bees & people in the long run with this GMO technology.
A very nice haiku, that keeps this reader, buzzing about how this little critter passed....And really it could have been anything under the sun, though, must admit you have a nice kicker line at the end of this haiku.
Caressa_08
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Caressa, for your generous review. People with bee allergies have a strong reaction to my haiku. (Quick, grab the Benadryl!) I am glad you found this to be "a very nice haiku" that kept you buzzing about the bee's demise.
Comment from sunnilicious
That is so morbid of you. You must be hanging out with Kuch in that haiku club. Fantastic visual imagery. Good alliteration in first and last line. The whole poem is memorable. Good luck to you :)
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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That is so morbid of you. You must be hanging out with Kuch in that haiku club. Fantastic visual imagery. Good alliteration in first and last line. The whole poem is memorable. Good luck to you :)
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Yes, I do hang out with Kuch, but, truth be told, I hang out with my Chihuahua more! Dean has one, too! Thank you, sunnilicious, for your review of a "memorable" poem.
Comment from June Sargent
Poor little bee! A bittersweet little poem, beautiful in its simplicity. Perfect imagery from the art work to the words that painted a poignant farewell to summer and it's little critters. Well done
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Poor little bee! A bittersweet little poem, beautiful in its simplicity. Perfect imagery from the art work to the words that painted a poignant farewell to summer and it's little critters. Well done
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you, June, for your review of my bittersweet little poem.
