Legs
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Testimony"Follow-up to Astatula
9 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
G'day, I wish you had told us Cody was back on the scene. This was a good read will try and catch up before those strange looking reward points disappear off the latest chapter hehe.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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G'day, I wish you had told us Cody was back on the scene. This was a good read will try and catch up before those strange looking reward points disappear off the latest chapter hehe.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter.
As always, your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from misscookie
I have no more stars to give
As always you captured my attention from the first line to the last.
Of course there was never a dull moment.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
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I have no more stars to give
As always you captured my attention from the first line to the last.
Of course there was never a dull moment.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 12-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
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Thanks misscookie!
Always appreciate your comments and reviews.
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You're very welcome, have a nice day.
Cookie
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You're very welcome, have a nice day.
Cookie
Comment from Resha Caner
A bit purple hear and there. For example, the first mention of Hightower's sweat was nicely poetic, but the second seemed a little overdone. A second example would be when Hightower refers to the "well-manicured" lawn. That adjective seems irrelevant, so I don't know why he would use it. I would think he wants to be more to the point.
"The attester, who [had] held his own [up to now] ..."
Though it would need to be polished, I'm suggesting the extra words because without it I thought you were going to skip the dialogue - that you were just going to narrate the whole scene, and I was about to object to that. Then when the question came later, it threw me.
"Barrage" and "ignite" might be a mixed metaphor. And isn't his question out of order? I would expect the other attorney to object ... Ah, I guess he does, but it seems to come too late in the action. As such, "Suddenly" doesn't seem to fit (and I'm not a big fan of adverbs anyway. I prefer their spating use.)
You have a rich vocabulary and a good eye for detail. You also have the patience not to rush a scene, which is going to help you hold the tension - something that is hard to learn. I don't yet have a sense for who you've chosen as MC, so I'll be interested to see how you weave together the plot and the character development as this moves forward.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2017
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A bit purple hear and there. For example, the first mention of Hightower's sweat was nicely poetic, but the second seemed a little overdone. A second example would be when Hightower refers to the "well-manicured" lawn. That adjective seems irrelevant, so I don't know why he would use it. I would think he wants to be more to the point.
"The attester, who [had] held his own [up to now] ..."
Though it would need to be polished, I'm suggesting the extra words because without it I thought you were going to skip the dialogue - that you were just going to narrate the whole scene, and I was about to object to that. Then when the question came later, it threw me.
"Barrage" and "ignite" might be a mixed metaphor. And isn't his question out of order? I would expect the other attorney to object ... Ah, I guess he does, but it seems to come too late in the action. As such, "Suddenly" doesn't seem to fit (and I'm not a big fan of adverbs anyway. I prefer their spating use.)
You have a rich vocabulary and a good eye for detail. You also have the patience not to rush a scene, which is going to help you hold the tension - something that is hard to learn. I don't yet have a sense for who you've chosen as MC, so I'll be interested to see how you weave together the plot and the character development as this moves forward.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from judiverse
Excellent courtroom scene and descriptions of the parties involved, as well as the spectators' reactions. It adds to the drama that Cody himself is brought under suspicion, and reference made to his terrifying "criminal" past. I think Cody would realistically have been treated more as the juvenile that he is. Great conclusion to this post, with Cody realizing he'll have to come up with proof about who is the real killer. What is the significance of the "well-manicured lawn"? Don't call attention to it unless that detail has significance in the murder investigation. Also, would Cody really say "preposterous allegation"? Buoyant is the correct spelling. judi
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
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Excellent courtroom scene and descriptions of the parties involved, as well as the spectators' reactions. It adds to the drama that Cody himself is brought under suspicion, and reference made to his terrifying "criminal" past. I think Cody would realistically have been treated more as the juvenile that he is. Great conclusion to this post, with Cody realizing he'll have to come up with proof about who is the real killer. What is the significance of the "well-manicured lawn"? Don't call attention to it unless that detail has significance in the murder investigation. Also, would Cody really say "preposterous allegation"? Buoyant is the correct spelling. judi
Comment Written 08-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Kareau
The first sentence is great, really sets up all the tension to come. I like how you add descriptive words to the sentences so the reader gets a sense of what the characters are like without actually coming right and stating those facts. This is a great chapter and great ending, I would go onto to the next chapter. I think you might have one typo in this sentence: Hightower paused for effect before he dropped the barrage "be" wanted to ignite, should that be "he"? I'm very new to writing, taking Writing 121 at my local college, I feel a little out of place reviewing others work but if I can spot at least typos and punctuation errors I hope I can be of some help.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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The first sentence is great, really sets up all the tension to come. I like how you add descriptive words to the sentences so the reader gets a sense of what the characters are like without actually coming right and stating those facts. This is a great chapter and great ending, I would go onto to the next chapter. I think you might have one typo in this sentence: Hightower paused for effect before he dropped the barrage "be" wanted to ignite, should that be "he"? I'm very new to writing, taking Writing 121 at my local college, I feel a little out of place reviewing others work but if I can spot at least typos and punctuation errors I hope I can be of some help.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this first chapter.
Invite you to follow along as the book progresses.
Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from MizKat
Hi Brett,
I'm really happy that you are writing another book about Cody. I found this first part to be very interesting and I look forward to reading more chapters. You write this type of book very well and I love reading it.
Kat
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
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Hi Brett,
I'm really happy that you are writing another book about Cody. I found this first part to be very interesting and I look forward to reading more chapters. You write this type of book very well and I love reading it.
Kat
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this first chapter.
I have now also written two more.
Enjoy!
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Sorry I haven't been on here for quite awhile. I have so many aches and pains and won't be able to see a doctor for at least another 2 or 3 weeks. Kat
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
What a magnificient lead in to the story with the descriptions you put us in the courtroom and felt the pressure and the heavy atmosphere that laid hard on the players
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
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What a magnificient lead in to the story with the descriptions you put us in the courtroom and felt the pressure and the heavy atmosphere that laid hard on the players
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this first chapter.
I have now written two more for Cody's fans to enjoy.
Comment from bookishfabler
witness's testimony that is full of holes wide enough to drive a Mack truck through.(Like this line) Need I remind the court that Cody Schroder has a well known criminal history here in Brazos County?" (Is Cody the boy in the picture?)
I love the cliff hanger at the ending. Nicely done. Looking forward to more.
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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witness's testimony that is full of holes wide enough to drive a Mack truck through.(Like this line) Need I remind the court that Cody Schroder has a well known criminal history here in Brazos County?" (Is Cody the boy in the picture?)
I love the cliff hanger at the ending. Nicely done. Looking forward to more.
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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The boy in the picture has come to be Cody.
According to Lilibug6, who posted the picture, his real name is Evan.
For every chapter of Astatula, and every short story I have written about Cody since then, I have always used Evan's picture.
Cody, and Astatula have become so popular with FanStorians familiar with them that Cody and Evan are "the same person."
When FanStorians see Evan's picture they know the story is about Cody.
Glad you enjoyed this chapter of my book.
Cliffhanger endings are another feature of all my Cody stories.
Comment from doggymad
Hi Brett this has all the ingredients for a great read. As you say in your notes those of us who are notfamiliar with the first book are going to be a little bit lost initially.
Looking forward to becoming familiar with cody and other hcaracters
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Hi Brett this has all the ingredients for a great read. As you say in your notes those of us who are notfamiliar with the first book are going to be a little bit lost initially.
Looking forward to becoming familiar with cody and other hcaracters
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter of the book.
You should pick up easily on Cody.
Appreciate your comments, support, and the review.
