Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

Hi gypsy, tell me more about the prose part of the haibun. When I did my course with Alvin, I learnt that it should be short stilted phrases, sometimes just a word, without long phrases or sentences. I haven't read Basho's book, but I was talking to Douglas this morning and it sounds like something I might enjoy too. Love the potential of this story, and can't wait to see how it turns out. Giddy

 Comment Written 27-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017

Hello, Giddy,

With all due respect to Alvin, he was incorrect. Below are the guidelines set by Haibun Society of America and below that is a copy of Matsuo Basho's famous haibun, the best in history. As you can see, his haibun would not fit Alvin's description of a haibun. It's not his fault, and I heard nothing but great praise about him, there are many people who are misinformed about traditional haibun structure.

I will teach a haibun class in the future.

This is the haibun guideline--

Prose in Haibun
Tells the story
Gives information, defines the theme
Creates a mood through tone
Provides a background to spotlight the haiku

Haiku in Haibun
Moves the story forward
Takes the narrative in another direction
Adds insight or another dimension to the prose
Resolves the conflict in an unpredictable way, or questions the resolution of the prose.
Prose is the narrative and haiku is the revelation or the reaction.

TIPS ON WRITING HAIBUN
- Don't accept the first haiku that comes to you after writing the prose. Find a word or image in
the prose to play off of
- Avoid the linear in the capping haiku?take a right angle turn. Haiku should link to but not
repeat what the prose has said.
- Prose best if kept to a single theme with sensory detail, haiku crystallizes the experience
- Use symbolism in your haibun to deepen the emotional impact
- End with a surprise, not a narrative resolution
- Often the haiku is contained in the last sentence of the prose, waiting to be transformed.

I hope this helps, let me know if you have other questions.

An example by Master Matsuo Basho, the best haibun poet in history

The months and days are the travellers of eternity. The years that come and go are also voyagers. Those who float away their lives on ships or who grow old leading horses are forever journeying, and their homes are wherever their travels take them. Many of the men of old died on the road, and I too for years past have been stirred by the sight of a solitary cloud drifting with the wind to ceaseless thoughts of roaming.
Last year I spent wandering along the seacoast. In autumn I returned to my cottage on the river and swept away the cobwebs. Gradually the year drew to its close. When spring came and there was mist in the air, I thought of crossing the Barrier of Shirakawa into Oku. I seemed to be possessed by the spirits of wanderlust, and they all but deprived me of my senses. The guardian spirits of the road beckoned, and I could not settle down to work.
I patched my torn trousers and changed the cord on my bamboo hat. To strengthen my legs for the journey I had moxa burned on my shins. By then I could think of nothing but the moon at Matsushima. When I sold my cottage and moved to Sampū?s villa, to stay until I started on my journey, I hung this poem on a post in my hut:

Even a thatched hut
May change with a new owner
Into a doll?s house

by Basho

Thank you for the review, honey, let me know if you have any other questions.

Gypsy

reply by Giddy Nielsen-Sweep on 27-Feb-2017

THANK YOU, GYPSY. So grateful, probably do the course. :)) Giddy

Comment from Lu Saluna

Excellent

I enjoyed your haibun. No maternal instinct in that witch whatsoever. She is willing to put her daughter in harms way. "dark intentions"
However, the haibun and haiku are written with dark elegance and have the allure to draw the reader in which leaves me wanting more.
Hugs, Lura

 Comment Written 27-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017

Yay, I'm so glad you like it. :) Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie.
Gypsy

Comment from Dean Kuch

Exceptional

I really liked this for a couple of reasons, Gypsy Blue Rose.
For one, it is damn good tanka, perfect in composition, form, and context.
Second, it chronicles and details some of the main characters from our book, Hora Haiku, published on Amazon.com.
What more could any self-respecting co-author ask for?
Awesomeness...

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017

A three dimensional skull... I'm speechless...don't say it.... hahaha

I'm happy that you approve of my tanka, master kuck, AND my contribution to our awesome hora haiku book. Someone has to keep it alive. Right? LoL

Thank you, for the six stars! And the awesome review, sweetie pie.

Gypsy

reply by Dean Kuch on 27-Feb-2017

You're more than welcome, as always.
~Dean ;)

Comment from Douglas Paul

Excellent

I think this a good addition to your book, my friend. I really like the haibun approach since it frames the situation and gives a lot more meaning to the haiku. Well done

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017

Thank you, Douglas. Everyone say the same thing. People appreciate the background information. Thank you!

Gypsy

Comment from Ric Myworld

Exceptional

I seldom give sixes for poetry, trying to give most of our measly allotment to new prose writers, hoping to bolster confidence with encouragement. But I was happy to have one for this piece. Great job. :-)

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2017

Thank you, Ric, I appreciate that you took the time to read me.

Gypsy

Comment from Sis Cat

Excellent

I enjoyed this horror haibun because it told scenes from your and Dean's story in a way that was visual, like a dark fairy tale that features a trifecta of horror characters--a witch, a werewolf, and a vampire. Add the maiden Mirela into the mix and you create a compelling story. She is almost a symbol of untrammeled innocence given her mother's dark intentions towards her.

I found four SPAGS:

"a vampire named" what? You left out the name.

SPAGS in author's notes:

to win Mirela�¢??s

After the brothers�¢??

brothers to win Mirela�¢??s

Thank you for sharing. I will try my own haibun soon.

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2017

Thank you, Andre. I love haibun. It took me a while to get into it until I read Matsuo Basho's 'Narrow Road to the Deep North'. It's a masterpiece of Japanese literature. click here to check it out

Thank you for the correction notes. :)

Gypsy hugs

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

I just love the haibun, it is my favorite style. Excellent work with the prose which also provided a nice synopsis of this book. Wonderful haiku tempting the reader with the appearance of the evil mother. Great work with this one. I look forward to the next post.

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2017

Thank you for the excellent review, sweetie pie :) You are very kind and generous.

Gypsy

Comment from jusylee72

Excellent

what a history of EVil and longed for virtue. I enjoyed the poem and will read more about the background later. the boys and their vicious rivalry. Men will never learn.

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2017

Thank you for the excellent review, sweetie pie :) You are very kind and generous.

Gypsy

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hola guapa, wow this is a great haibun and gets the story moving very nicely. I loved the haiku at the end. Great piece of work. Un abrazo de tu amiga Ulla:)xx

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2017

Hola, bonita, como estas?

Thank you for the excellent review, sweetie pie :) You are very kind and generous.

Gypsy