Tanka Waka
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "My Lover My Slave"A collection of Japanese short poetry
18 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Very romantic, but the narrator seems subservient. Maybe she's just being canny, as she says "You are my lord and my slave." Maybe her means of controlling the male is making him feel as if he's in charge. She has the guy kneeling and he can strike her--as long as it's with a feather. I'd say she's being quite clever about how she manipulates. Very interesting, and great Tanka form. judi
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2017
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Very romantic, but the narrator seems subservient. Maybe she's just being canny, as she says "You are my lord and my slave." Maybe her means of controlling the male is making him feel as if he's in charge. She has the guy kneeling and he can strike her--as long as it's with a feather. I'd say she's being quite clever about how she manipulates. Very interesting, and great Tanka form. judi
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Judi, I appreciate that you took the time to read me.
Gypsy
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for another lovely Japanese woodcut and parallel tanka, plus your notes about the lady poet. I found your speaking in the first person very effective. Have a serene weekend- Joan
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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Thank you for another lovely Japanese woodcut and parallel tanka, plus your notes about the lady poet. I found your speaking in the first person very effective. Have a serene weekend- Joan
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Joan, I look forward a serene weekend, my favorite and so far is working out that way :) I wish you the same.
gypsy hugs and mother/father god blessings
Comment from Grasshopper2
Lady Blue,
This ode has good flow when reading out loud. Your rhymes of "caress and undress" add to the erotic message. Grasshopper does not use rhyme, but Grasshopper keeps an open mind which almost rhymed. Excellent use of the best words to cover your image and the most wonderful Japanese music is soft silk and warm milk that flows slowly over the naked skin. Overall, you have created a luxurious artistic experience.
Your closing line is universal with relationsships. This is my favorite line.Well done, Lady Blue, well done indeed!
Grasshopper
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Lady Blue,
This ode has good flow when reading out loud. Your rhymes of "caress and undress" add to the erotic message. Grasshopper does not use rhyme, but Grasshopper keeps an open mind which almost rhymed. Excellent use of the best words to cover your image and the most wonderful Japanese music is soft silk and warm milk that flows slowly over the naked skin. Overall, you have created a luxurious artistic experience.
Your closing line is universal with relationsships. This is my favorite line.Well done, Lady Blue, well done indeed!
Grasshopper
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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thank you, Michael
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A sensual write with promises of delights and surrender, a perfect collection of words that made my spine tingle, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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A sensual write with promises of delights and surrender, a perfect collection of words that made my spine tingle, love Dolly x
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Thank you,Dolly
Comment from Sis Cat
This is a phenomenal and sensual Japanese Imperial Court style Tanka. The detail I love the most and felt the most was this line for its exquisiteness:
"Grab my feather and strike me
with thrilling caress."
It thrilled me just to read this! : )
I also love your rhyme of caress and undress.
Words, image, and music combine to create a sumptuous artistic experience.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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This is a phenomenal and sensual Japanese Imperial Court style Tanka. The detail I love the most and felt the most was this line for its exquisiteness:
"Grab my feather and strike me
with thrilling caress."
It thrilled me just to read this! : )
I also love your rhyme of caress and undress.
Words, image, and music combine to create a sumptuous artistic experience.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Sumptuous... I like that :) Thank you, honey, I love your reviews.
Gypsy
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I wonder if they were all romantic and gentle associations. One would like to think so. In any case I love your poem, Gypsy. It conjures up every girl's idea of romance. By the way, gorgeous profile photo, especially the eye make up. What I'd give for lashes like that!! Giddy
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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I wonder if they were all romantic and gentle associations. One would like to think so. In any case I love your poem, Gypsy. It conjures up every girl's idea of romance. By the way, gorgeous profile photo, especially the eye make up. What I'd give for lashes like that!! Giddy
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Hello, Giddy :) 6 stars! Thank you, you are very generous. I love gypsy clothes, scarves, jewelry ... you name it.
I imagined a couple who enjoy playing sensual games, no pain involved... just role playing among to consenting adults. waka or Tanka from the Heian period was used for expressing mutual love and romance. Sometimes the women wrote the top three lines and her partner the bottom two lines. I wish we would do that now but couples use smartphones now. No more romance.
Thank you for reading, my friend.
Gypsy
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I know, it is so sad that romance seems to be dead. I did a course once of Imperial Court Tanka and loved it. It is now my favourite tanka to write. Giddy
Comment from Sasha
I enjoyed this one very much. Love the background music which adds to the sensual impact of this one. I love your notes about the history of the women writers of this style. Fascinating information. Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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I enjoyed this one very much. Love the background music which adds to the sensual impact of this one. I love your notes about the history of the women writers of this style. Fascinating information. Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Thank you :)
Comment from Douglas Paul
Very good author's notes on this that explain this style of poem. I do think you did a great job of capturing that style in this tanka - It is very well done and has the same feeling of the poemms in that age
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Very good author's notes on this that explain this style of poem. I do think you did a great job of capturing that style in this tanka - It is very well done and has the same feeling of the poemms in that age
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Thank you :) Douglas
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Gypsy,
good It looks like I can read your postings now
Before I couldn't 'cause I'm just a Standard member here on Fanstory.
What a nice sensual lead in
Grab my feather and strike me
I like this line
All I can picture in my mind she is saying
Grasp the sensual soft featured thoughts in my mind
Gert
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Hello Gypsy,
good It looks like I can read your postings now
Before I couldn't 'cause I'm just a Standard member here on Fanstory.
What a nice sensual lead in
Grab my feather and strike me
I like this line
All I can picture in my mind she is saying
Grasp the sensual soft featured thoughts in my mind
Gert
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Gert, it's good to see you again. :)
Comment from winnona
A well-written Tanka. Your words flowed will line to line combined easily and formed the message of thepem for the reader. a good addition to your book of tanka poems.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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A well-written Tanka. Your words flowed will line to line combined easily and formed the message of thepem for the reader. a good addition to your book of tanka poems.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Winnona, you are sweet and a good friend. I like your reviews and they are helpful to me.
