You Can't Leave
Betrayal Will Not Be Tolerated5 total reviews
Comment from Winslow
Dear Thesis,
Wow, quite a story for hundred words. The only criticism I have is that it is so short so you can't elaborate at all. I'd like to see a longer version. (LOL)
I see you won the contest. Congratulations.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2017
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Dear Thesis,
Wow, quite a story for hundred words. The only criticism I have is that it is so short so you can't elaborate at all. I'd like to see a longer version. (LOL)
I see you won the contest. Congratulations.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2017
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Thank you Winslow for your comments and for the Exceptional Star. I appreciate it. John
Comment from winnona
A well-written contest entry. In a few words, you managed to tell the whole story. Your story was realistic and flowed. It moved right along from beginning to end.
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A well-written contest entry. In a few words, you managed to tell the whole story. Your story was realistic and flowed. It moved right along from beginning to end.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
Comment from BeasPeas
Great job with your scenario. Love these little macabre writes that tease us with revenge, the dark side, etc. Image is perfect for your words. Marilyn
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Great job with your scenario. Love these little macabre writes that tease us with revenge, the dark side, etc. Image is perfect for your words. Marilyn
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
Comment from TheWriteTeach
This was very interesting. I certainly didn't expect the twist at the end. I think this would make a great short story! You managed to tell quite a lot about Julie and her husband in such a few words. Nice job with that.
You made unnecessary shifts in tenses throughout this piece. You switch back and forth from past to present. You need to pick a tense and stay with it.
Don't bury dialogue in the narrative. Dialogue should be started in it's own paragraph.
She had a great life with me[,] and I was really confused as to why she was so enamored with the UPS Driver. (Need comma where indicated.)
I don't feel comfortable giving high stars with so many errors.
Good luck in the contest.
Suzanne
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This was very interesting. I certainly didn't expect the twist at the end. I think this would make a great short story! You managed to tell quite a lot about Julie and her husband in such a few words. Nice job with that.
You made unnecessary shifts in tenses throughout this piece. You switch back and forth from past to present. You need to pick a tense and stay with it.
Don't bury dialogue in the narrative. Dialogue should be started in it's own paragraph.
She had a great life with me[,] and I was really confused as to why she was so enamored with the UPS Driver. (Need comma where indicated.)
I don't feel comfortable giving high stars with so many errors.
Good luck in the contest.
Suzanne
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
Comment from mbroyles2
Well, that's one way to handle it.
Nor sure the kids would agree.
Quick and snappy, a complete story.
Meets the contest requirements nicely.
Great job!
Michael
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Well, that's one way to handle it.
Nor sure the kids would agree.
Quick and snappy, a complete story.
Meets the contest requirements nicely.
Great job!
Michael
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
