Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

I enjoyed reading your introductory remarks. You told this well. There was great flow to your lines.

I see several places where commas are needed to set on clauses. I am not going to point them out since this will be edited when your book is sent for publishing, and my suggestions may be wrong. All in all a good story. I look forward to reading more. Jan

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2017

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017

Thanks Jan. I will try to do a better job on my use of punctuation and clean up the typos as well. The story will heat up and get better I hope so please stay tuned.

Comment from doggymad

Excellent

Great introduction to the story so far. It is always good to get a feel for the character. I am lucky to have come in at the start and I look forward to following it as time allows.

hugs

Freda

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2017

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017

Thank you so much. I promise to do my best to not be boring or frustrating in any other way.

Comment from MelB

Excellent

This is an intriguing start to the story. I'm curious what surprise happened next. I'm going to fan you, so I don't miss the next chapter.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2017

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017

MelB, thank you for making my day. Now the onus is on me to not be boring or to not frustrate you by my lack of knowhow.

Comment from Zue65

Excellent

I also toyed with the idea of writing about my life and you are headed to realizing your dream of preserving those memories of a lifetime and preserving them in a written document. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2017

---

reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017

Thank you for your kind review comments and I think that you should definitely muster up the courage and determination to go forward with writing your story. The great thing about this site is that you don't have to write it all down at one time you can do it in small doses as you are ready to disclose it.

Comment from Margaret Ford

Excellent

I'm glad you writing this, and I hope you'll continue, if it's something you need to write. I'm writing a memoir, myself, and I know there are some stories that just have to be told. So hang in there.

Will all the Air Force stories be written under the same title, so I can find them? Please let me know, and I'll watch for each installment. Also, I would read any poems that you think are relevant or part of the story.

Please start separating your work into paragraphs. As you may have noticed, FS doesn't indent your work. You have to double-space between each paragraph, in order for the reader to distinguish between them. It's a hassle, I know, but worth the effort.

This first chapter is a very good start. It held my attention. Margaret

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2017

---

reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017

Hello Margret. Thank you for all of your valuable and timely comments. I wanted to write more, but started to develop cold feet. Now that I have the first installment done, I think that maybe I will be able to do a better job on the next installment. I will change the title eventually as the Air Force portion of my story is significant but not nearly the whole story.

Comment from Mastery

Excellent

Hi, Nolan. I am glad to see you do this finally. You may find it difficult at times to put into words but also very rewarding to get it out of your system and onto paper.

Were you not a friend I would only give you four stars for this because you have made it very difficult to read with absolutely no paragraphing whatsoever.

Paragraphing makes the writing reader-friendly. They are mental breaks for the reader and effect the pacing of the best writing...but without it, the work can be nothing interesting. trust me. Paragraph this post.

Good job as far as content. Blessings. Bob

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2017

---

reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017

Thanks Bob. I just found out from Margret Ford that I am responsible for taking care of the paragraphing. So much for cut and paste options. I apologize for that. Please believe me, I have been writing long enough to have learned the value of using punctuation.

reply by Mastery on 22-Feb-2017

That was why I did not understand, because I know you have been here long enough to know how to use the editor. Was this the first prose you ever posted? I didn't know that. In any event, it was a good chapter barring the paragraphing. Blessings. Bob

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

I am all ears (eyes) and ready to hear (read) this story of joining the United States Air Force. I like it, when reading a story about the military, when I have to pause and say to myself -- "No shit?"

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2017

---

reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017

Thanks Bill. Hold on I am going to dish out some hot stuff. The stench is still rising after many, many years.

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Telling the tale of one's induction into the military is always a good read. No matter how many military members you speak to - no two stories are quite the same. Even the Vietnam veterans I've spoken with have different experiences to relate.

One suggestion would be to 'flesh out' the characters more. Instead of merely telling the story, it would be better to 'see' the action. I understand the urge to get it all written down quickly, but it would flow and be more appealing to the reader if it had the scene set, and the action moved by dialogue and adjectives.

Good luck with your stories and book,
~patty~

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2017

---

reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017

Thank you Patty. I promise that it will get better. The first few paragraphs were merely for me to get my feet wet. I am a total novice at writing non poetry so I wil not be that proficient at first, maybe not ever.

Comment from MizKat

Excellent

Hi Nomi,

Your story was interesting to read and I enjoyed it very much.
It sounds like being in the Air Force would be more interesting than the Army.
I hope your friend didn't mind that you went there instead of the Army.

Kat

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2017

---

reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017

Thank you MizKat. The story is not even close to being done. There was a lot of drama as the years passed. Please stay tuned.

reply by MizKat on 21-Feb-2017

I will stay tuned as I like to read all of your stories and poems. You are really good at both of them.

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

I commend and admire you for trying to tell your life story, Nomi.
I'm very sure it will be a rousing success.
As for abandoning your buddy to the Army while you decided to go and enlist in the Air Force, I can't blame you. There are far more technical fields in the Air Force. Things you can use after your hitch is up and apply towards securing a civilian job.
Best of luck with this endeavor.
~Dean

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2017

---

reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017

Thanks Dean. I must admit that I dealt with guilt feelings for awhile. It gets worse as you will see in later chapters.

reply by Dean Kuch on 21-Feb-2017

You're very welcome, Nomi.