Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "haiku(snowflakes flutter)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
31 total reviews
Comment from mountainwriter49
HI, Ulla,
You've done a fine job with this haiku. It creates a lovely image in the mind of the reader and it captures an observable moment in time. It's not burdened with too many adjectives or articles--it observes, not embellishes. The satori is most excellent.
If I had one suggestion it would be to delete 'softly' in line two. Why? Flutters already denotes softly, so in a sense, flutters softly could be seen as redundant. Haiku is all about word economy and word effectiveness.
An excellent entry into the book.
Ray
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HI, Ulla,
You've done a fine job with this haiku. It creates a lovely image in the mind of the reader and it captures an observable moment in time. It's not burdened with too many adjectives or articles--it observes, not embellishes. The satori is most excellent.
If I had one suggestion it would be to delete 'softly' in line two. Why? Flutters already denotes softly, so in a sense, flutters softly could be seen as redundant. Haiku is all about word economy and word effectiveness.
An excellent entry into the book.
Ray
Comment Written 02-Mar-2017
Comment from Leineco
I don't mean to dismiss your haiku (it's very pretty). . .but WHAT is that
picture. . .it's gorgeous!! (I'm guessing some sort of pine cone remnants
sprouting new tendrils)
Wonderful pairing of poem & artwork. . .both the image you paint is a
winter wonderland dream and the photo presents a dream vision of winter!
Very nicely done, Ulla!
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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I don't mean to dismiss your haiku (it's very pretty). . .but WHAT is that
picture. . .it's gorgeous!! (I'm guessing some sort of pine cone remnants
sprouting new tendrils)
Wonderful pairing of poem & artwork. . .both the image you paint is a
winter wonderland dream and the photo presents a dream vision of winter!
Very nicely done, Ulla!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much. I loved the artwork as well. It complemented the theme so well. Thanks again. Ulla:))
Comment from rjuselius
"snowflakes flutter
softly down on frosted ground
winter's dream"
this is a beautiful piece of poetry dear ulla! i love the alliteration. you can sense the coldness and yet the words are warming.
thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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"snowflakes flutter
softly down on frosted ground
winter's dream"
this is a beautiful piece of poetry dear ulla! i love the alliteration. you can sense the coldness and yet the words are warming.
thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Awwww, Rebekka, thank you so very much. So glad you liked it. I'm so very pleased. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Mustang Patty
You've done a great job with this 4-7-3 haiku. There is a great deal of imagery packed into the few words you put on the page. Winter is a touchy subject right now - most of us are ready for it to be over! However, your poem reminds us of winter's beauty and grace.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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You've done a great job with this 4-7-3 haiku. There is a great deal of imagery packed into the few words you put on the page. Winter is a touchy subject right now - most of us are ready for it to be over! However, your poem reminds us of winter's beauty and grace.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Thanks a lot, patty. How pleased I am. Thanks again. Ulla:)))
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow, this is a beautiful and vivid winter haiku. I can see the snowflakes fluttering to the frosted ground. Your words created a "winter's dream." This haiku would be a beautiful addition to the book. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Wow, this is a beautiful and vivid winter haiku. I can see the snowflakes fluttering to the frosted ground. Your words created a "winter's dream." This haiku would be a beautiful addition to the book. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Hi Andre. Thank you so very much. Your praise means a lot to me. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from sue133
A beautiful poem about snowflakes. Being originally from the UK, I remember snowflakes so well and your poem reminded me of old, childhood days. The artwork is exquisite. Susan
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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A beautiful poem about snowflakes. Being originally from the UK, I remember snowflakes so well and your poem reminded me of old, childhood days. The artwork is exquisite. Susan
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Hi Susan, thank you so very much. I now live where we have no snow, but brought up in Denmark I know it all too well. Thanks again. All the best. Ella:)))
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Wonderful imagery as we see the snowflake create a beautiful pattern as it hits the frozen ground. It make an artwork of nature and the frozen world of winter.
great job
Rhonda
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Wonderful imagery as we see the snowflake create a beautiful pattern as it hits the frozen ground. It make an artwork of nature and the frozen world of winter.
great job
Rhonda
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Hi Rhonda, thank you so very much for your great review. So glad you liked it. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello Ulla, An excellent haiku filled with vivid imagery -- no fluff or fill words. I especially liked:
softly down on frosted ground
(Good imagery. I can see it.)
Terrific artwork choice. A pleasure to read. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Hello Ulla, An excellent haiku filled with vivid imagery -- no fluff or fill words. I especially liked:
softly down on frosted ground
(Good imagery. I can see it.)
Terrific artwork choice. A pleasure to read. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Thank you so very much. I'm so pleased you liked it. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The snow gently falling and turning into a dream, what a lovely thought, your write is restful just like the snow fall, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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The snow gently falling and turning into a dream, what a lovely thought, your write is restful just like the snow fall, love Dolly x
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
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Hi Dolly, thank you so very much. I'm pleased you liked it. A hug. Ulla:)))
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow, Ulla, this is a masterful haiku! There are some who think it is an easy form, but quite the opposite is true, and you've done a marvelous job with this - it evokes fabulous imagery, your kire is marvelous, and the satori so beautifully wistful. I loved it!
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2017
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Wow, Ulla, this is a masterful haiku! There are some who think it is an easy form, but quite the opposite is true, and you've done a marvelous job with this - it evokes fabulous imagery, your kire is marvelous, and the satori so beautifully wistful. I loved it!
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2017
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Dawn, you bring tears to my eyes. What a wonderful review and praise. Thank you so very much. I'm over the moon. Mind you, I so like to write the japanese form. I'm intrigued by it. Ulla:)))
