Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "haiku (praying mantis)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
40 total reviews
Comment from Irish Rain
Well, yuck! Dinner and a movie...I won't say she's easy, ha ha. Another wonderful haiku Miss Karyn!! I was hungry...you're keeping me on my diet, ha ha. Blessings...
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Well, yuck! Dinner and a movie...I won't say she's easy, ha ha. Another wonderful haiku Miss Karyn!! I was hungry...you're keeping me on my diet, ha ha. Blessings...
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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LOL thanks so much for your funny response to my praying mantis haiku, Irish Rain. I appreciate your taking the time to read and share your comments, and so glad you enjoyed. Thanks so much!
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
I loved this deceptively simple poem it actually takes a lot of effort to write such impact in so few words, very enjoyable and very well written kind regards Meia x
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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I loved this deceptively simple poem it actually takes a lot of effort to write such impact in so few words, very enjoyable and very well written kind regards Meia x
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Meia, for your review and comments for my haiku. I truly appreciate your taking the time to share your kind thoughts, and so delighted you enjoyed the poem.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment from Douglas Paul
LOL - I love your satori. This one is really a fun one. Great imagery in your first two line and the satori is stellar. Well done, my friend
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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LOL - I love your satori. This one is really a fun one. Great imagery in your first two line and the satori is stellar. Well done, my friend
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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I'm so pleased you enjoyed my haiku, Douglas. I had such a fun time writing this and hoped the readers would enjoy it as well and get a smile or a grin from reading. Your LOL is the best compliment I could hope for.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
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I am glad - we don't get a lot of funny or sarcastic humor haiku and I really like them
Comment from Antoine Charlemaine
Bahahahahahahahahaha!
What a hoot! Sex AND dinner! And get a load of the look on that mantis' face! "Woohoo! Look at me! Look what I did!"
Absolutely love it! I SHOULD deduct a star or two for excessive words use...big difference between 'six' and 'ten', missy!
This'll make into the book, for sure. Good job.
I even got a mention in the credits! Glad you clarified to your readers that I didn't lose my head over it...might have had 'em wondering...
Ant xx
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Bahahahahahahahahaha!
What a hoot! Sex AND dinner! And get a load of the look on that mantis' face! "Woohoo! Look at me! Look what I did!"
Absolutely love it! I SHOULD deduct a star or two for excessive words use...big difference between 'six' and 'ten', missy!
This'll make into the book, for sure. Good job.
I even got a mention in the credits! Glad you clarified to your readers that I didn't lose my head over it...might have had 'em wondering...
Ant xx
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Ohhhhhh, I'm so pleased you liked it, Ant! Well, since you can't give six stars, I think the five is a deduction, don'tcha think? I had fun writing this, so thanks for the challenge, your forgiveness for a few extra words, and best of all, your Bahahahahahaha. I love the victorious photo I found perfect pose for sex and dinner! Thanks for your great response, AntMan!
Smiles,
Praying Kazza :-)
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Praying Kazza! Thank goodness I'm several thousand kilometres (and separated by a time warp of 18 hours) from you! I see it now... You only refrained from chomping off my head because you know you can't! ;)
xx
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LOL it was prayers of gratitude, Ant, that you liked the hair-do!
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Oh... Now I'm deflated. I guess that's almost as good as chomping off someone's head... :(
Anyway, enough of that. How's Aaron and Emily getting along? Hmm?
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I've reserved an hour for them tonight!
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Woohoo! I AM honoured... :) I look forward to your fine critique of my less-than-fine yarn.
Comment from cumulus365
Yes, I heard about that female chomping off the male. It is kind of ironic that the female gets to do the chomping. Nasty, but God made it. And also, I would think for the praying mantis world, the male is spent and considered as useless (for once). That is strange though, if all the males are disposed by this way (used), how other females get a mate to build the species. Horrific species. Nice ending.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Yes, I heard about that female chomping off the male. It is kind of ironic that the female gets to do the chomping. Nasty, but God made it. And also, I would think for the praying mantis world, the male is spent and considered as useless (for once). That is strange though, if all the males are disposed by this way (used), how other females get a mate to build the species. Horrific species. Nice ending.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Thanks for your great review, cumulus. I appreciate your taking the time to read and share your thoughts for my haiku, and I'm so glad you enjoyed the last line. Thanks!
Smiles,
Indy :-)
Comment from mountainwriter49
Hi, Kar,
Like Lee said, very appropriate to have a praying mantis poem on a Sunday afternoon!
The first two lines are grammatically connected and juxtaposition two concrete images--the mantis and then her eating her ex-lover. You're within the 17 syllable count limit. I love the satori! So perfect. I like the senryu-ish twist to it.
I do have two questions for you to consider. Both questions concern line 2.
Q1: Are you describing moment-in-time or a process-in-time? I keep hearing Alvin say that it's all about the moment, not the process.
Q2: This one is picky, and perhaps overly so. I apologize if it is. You've blended present tense (praying mantis mates) and then switch to future tense (then devours her partner). Can one mix tenses in haiku?
Aside from these two picky questions, I loved the haiku. It offers great imagery and a terrific satori.
I can hear this song, modified of course, in the background. The female mantis sings: "don't cry for him, Argentina. He had his thrills and I made him pay the bill for loving me.... LOL.
Thanks for sharing.
Ray
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Hi, Kar,
Like Lee said, very appropriate to have a praying mantis poem on a Sunday afternoon!
The first two lines are grammatically connected and juxtaposition two concrete images--the mantis and then her eating her ex-lover. You're within the 17 syllable count limit. I love the satori! So perfect. I like the senryu-ish twist to it.
I do have two questions for you to consider. Both questions concern line 2.
Q1: Are you describing moment-in-time or a process-in-time? I keep hearing Alvin say that it's all about the moment, not the process.
Q2: This one is picky, and perhaps overly so. I apologize if it is. You've blended present tense (praying mantis mates) and then switch to future tense (then devours her partner). Can one mix tenses in haiku?
Aside from these two picky questions, I loved the haiku. It offers great imagery and a terrific satori.
I can hear this song, modified of course, in the background. The female mantis sings: "don't cry for him, Argentina. He had his thrills and I made him pay the bill for loving me.... LOL.
Thanks for sharing.
Ray
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Thanks for your in-depth review of my haiku, Ray. To answer your questions, I see it as an event happening one right after the other...mate and eat. i wanted to use mates and devours but didn't want to have two ands in the poem, so used then.
Thanks for your comments.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment from Teri7
Karyn, I had forgotten that if I ever did know it! I love the wording to this and the art work you chose. Very good wording and very good imagery! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Karyn, I had forgotten that if I ever did know it! I love the wording to this and the art work you chose. Very good wording and very good imagery! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much, Teri, for this wonderful review, your generous rating, and compliments for my mantis haiku. I'm so pleased you enjoyed the imagery and thank you for your kind response.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment from Thal1959
Very well written. I have never seen a mantis looking like it is either walking a tightrope or throwing its arms up in victory - appropriate if it just finished off its mate!
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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Very well written. I have never seen a mantis looking like it is either walking a tightrope or throwing its arms up in victory - appropriate if it just finished off its mate!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Thanks, Thal, for your review and comments for my mantis haiku. I agree, the photo I found was very interesting and perfect for the haiku. Thanks for your kind response.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
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You are welcome, Indy, it was a pleasure.
Comment from humpwhistle
First, kudos for posting a praying mantic haiku on a Sunday.
Appropriate.
Now here's where we human swinging steaks are smarter than insects (marginally). We serve our mates dinner first! Ha! Brilliant!
Then we sex her up knowing full well she's too full to eat another morsel--
because she just pigged out on two lobsters, a cord of French Fries, and most of a Linzer Torte! And I'm freakin' broke!
I take it back. Sex first, then go ahead and eat me. Screw Amex.
You gotta love a poetess emulates a praying mantis.
Good job, Indy.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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First, kudos for posting a praying mantic haiku on a Sunday.
Appropriate.
Now here's where we human swinging steaks are smarter than insects (marginally). We serve our mates dinner first! Ha! Brilliant!
Then we sex her up knowing full well she's too full to eat another morsel--
because she just pigged out on two lobsters, a cord of French Fries, and most of a Linzer Torte! And I'm freakin' broke!
I take it back. Sex first, then go ahead and eat me. Screw Amex.
You gotta love a poetess emulates a praying mantis.
Good job, Indy.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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LOL yeah, dinner after sex would make sex more energetic and dinner might be a little more enjoyable because won't be in such a big hurry to get through the meal to get to the after-dinner meal.
Thanks for your stars and comments, hw. I'm really glad you enjoyed this haiku. You're a great reviewer!
Smiles,
Indy :-)
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
I must say you done well using this form my friend gave me a chuckle role reversal id say it the men that usually take the lead well done regard Jill
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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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I must say you done well using this form my friend gave me a chuckle role reversal id say it the men that usually take the lead well done regard Jill
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Your chuckle is what I hoped for from readers when writing this haiku, Jill. Thank you for your great review and kind comments, and so pleased you enjoyed it.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
