city's gray palette (Haiku)
Concrete imagery6 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Not only is this a wonderful haiku, the kigo bold, the imagery stark and unforgiving, but the contrast of the satori combined with the amazing artwork you chose makes me smile, rather than feel the cold I first felt at those 'concrete' images so aptly joined. (Great 'play' on words/meaning of 'concrete' too, both for the form itself and the tie-in to a city and the prompt.) *Still grinning*
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2017
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Not only is this a wonderful haiku, the kigo bold, the imagery stark and unforgiving, but the contrast of the satori combined with the amazing artwork you chose makes me smile, rather than feel the cold I first felt at those 'concrete' images so aptly joined. (Great 'play' on words/meaning of 'concrete' too, both for the form itself and the tie-in to a city and the prompt.) *Still grinning*
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2017
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Hope I can keep that grin on your face. Feeling a bit rusty after all these months, but I have great plans to read, review and write again. I'm glad you enjoyed. - Wendy
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I did - very much!
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hah!
What an outstanding photo, RoseHill. It really does look just like a pair of full, red-painted lips lying there on the concrete.
I think the problem is that your haiku, while in excellent form, relies too heavily on that stunning photo to get the message across to those who may read this.
Without the picture, it may not make as much sense.
Best wishes to you in the contest just the same.
~Dean Kuch
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2017
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Hah!
What an outstanding photo, RoseHill. It really does look just like a pair of full, red-painted lips lying there on the concrete.
I think the problem is that your haiku, while in excellent form, relies too heavily on that stunning photo to get the message across to those who may read this.
Without the picture, it may not make as much sense.
Best wishes to you in the contest just the same.
~Dean Kuch
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2017
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You are absolutely right. I've been away for quite awhile and I'm trying to shake the rust off. The review is much appreciated and probably deserved only four stars, but I'll keep the fifth one if you don't mind. - Wendy
Comment from angel123
Your nature poem is exceptional and I agree with your interpretation of your artwork choice. The red leaf does look like lips. You brought your poem to life with your last sentence. Best wishes!
angel123
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Your nature poem is exceptional and I agree with your interpretation of your artwork choice. The red leaf does look like lips. You brought your poem to life with your last sentence. Best wishes!
angel123
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much for the kind words and that glowing sixth. I have been away for some time now and I'm trying to shake the dust off. I'm so glad you liked it. - Wendy
Comment from BeasPeas
Now this is good! Your choice of artwork is perfect accompaniment to your urban haiku. Well worded and interesting. It's descriptive, makes sense, and brings a smile. Marilyn
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Now this is good! Your choice of artwork is perfect accompaniment to your urban haiku. Well worded and interesting. It's descriptive, makes sense, and brings a smile. Marilyn
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Hi Marilyn, Hoping to spend some time reading and reviewing as I finally have a bit of a lull at the B & B. Hope all is well with you. Thanks for the kind review. - Wendy
Comment from kiwisteveh
Hey, you! Long time no see. Hope you are well, just too busy to write. I haven't done much myself, lately...
Great pic to accompany your slightly downbeat haiku. perfect form, an image we can all identify with and a clever satori. Would you consider 'autumn's farewell kiss' as an alternative. It eliminates the hint of rhyme which is specifically banned in the conditions and maybe adds a touch of romanticism...
Steve
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Hey, you! Long time no see. Hope you are well, just too busy to write. I haven't done much myself, lately...
Great pic to accompany your slightly downbeat haiku. perfect form, an image we can all identify with and a clever satori. Would you consider 'autumn's farewell kiss' as an alternative. It eliminates the hint of rhyme which is specifically banned in the conditions and maybe adds a touch of romanticism...
Steve
Comment Written 18-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Hello back. I like your final line suggestion and appreciate the review. Healthy, yes, just way too busy to read and review, but I managed to write a book of children's poetry that I wanted to finish before bringing it up into the light. 26 poems to match the title, "Just Like Me from Aa to Zz" Twenty six kids all with Alpha correct names: Aloysius Amsterdam, Betsy Bernstein, Chrostopher Crumley . . . I will figure out how to get it posted and share now that it is ready for some final proofing. Long distance hugs - Wendy
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I shall look forward to reading those! And then maybe it could see the light of day as a real book. I have started getting a few of mine ready for (self) publishing via CreateSpace...
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Welcome back my friend you have expressed your thoughts so well using this form I love the closing line the syllable count is spot on good luck regards Jill
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Welcome back my friend you have expressed your thoughts so well using this form I love the closing line the syllable count is spot on good luck regards Jill
Comment Written 18-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you my dear and it is wonderful to see that you came back in my absence. I look forward to reading your work. - Wendy
