city for insects
I'm amazed by all the life forms on the banks of a lake.18 total reviews
Comment from angel123
I like your city poem. It held my attention and it flows well with a good message about nature. I also like your use of alliteration of words throughout your poem. I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest.
angel123
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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I like your city poem. It held my attention and it flows well with a good message about nature. I also like your use of alliteration of words throughout your poem. I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest.
angel123
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Thank you , I really appreciate your attention to detail
Comment from Bill Schott
This haiku about the city, City for Insects, uses seventeen syllables and points out that cities crop up everywhere and with many kinds of constituents. Bugville.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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This haiku about the city, City for Insects, uses seventeen syllables and points out that cities crop up everywhere and with many kinds of constituents. Bugville.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Thank you for your creative review
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written my friend the syllable count is correct it is very descriptive you used the artwork well I enjoyed good luck regards Jill
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Yes this is well written my friend the syllable count is correct it is very descriptive you used the artwork well I enjoyed good luck regards Jill
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Thank you for such an understanding review
Comment from winnona
Beautiful contest entry, I think you have completed the challenge of the contest very well. Your words flow and paint a very good river scene. the insect city idea was very creative.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Beautiful contest entry, I think you have completed the challenge of the contest very well. Your words flow and paint a very good river scene. the insect city idea was very creative.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
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Thank you for your generous comments.
Comment from Unspoken94
A city within a city. I value yours especially because your
haiku has to do with a "city" in nature which is more
closely related to the haiku. All the best in this
very competitive contest. -Bill
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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A city within a city. I value yours especially because your
haiku has to do with a "city" in nature which is more
closely related to the haiku. All the best in this
very competitive contest. -Bill
Comment Written 18-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
Thank you for your positive comments and encourThanagement.
Comment from Mastery
Good job on this, Mary. I especially liked the satori:
"an insect city"
I wish you the best of luck in the contest, Mary. Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Good job on this, Mary. I especially liked the satori:
"an insect city"
I wish you the best of luck in the contest, Mary. Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 18-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for your good words.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku. The lake is like a city for the insect eating birds that come to seek something to eat. There are plenty for everyone.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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A very well-written haiku. The lake is like a city for the insect eating birds that come to seek something to eat. There are plenty for everyone.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for your good comments and observations.
Comment from robyn corum
MK,
I love the imagery you're producing in this tiny poem, but have to admit that you're missing at least one point in the criteria for the contest. (sorry!)
1.) Besides the fact that the contest calls for poems about THE CITY, you may can get away with this poem about A CITY away from THE CITY, if you know what I mean, because the CEC often likes 'creative responses', but lately they've been really cracking down, so who knows. Be ready in case.
2.) But you are definitely supposed to have 'two grammatically interconnected lines of concrete imagery' and you don't have that. You have three independent lines, yes? (And even four, if you divide the second line in half as if should be)
I would really suggest a revision before the vote.
Since this contest DOES NOT have a requirement for syllables, I might suggest leaving off the 'lakeside' since it doesn't really matter WHERE the log is, really, does it? And make that first line 'fallen log with' so that it becomes grammatically connected to the second line. Just a thought. Good luck~!
Thanks!
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reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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MK,
I love the imagery you're producing in this tiny poem, but have to admit that you're missing at least one point in the criteria for the contest. (sorry!)
1.) Besides the fact that the contest calls for poems about THE CITY, you may can get away with this poem about A CITY away from THE CITY, if you know what I mean, because the CEC often likes 'creative responses', but lately they've been really cracking down, so who knows. Be ready in case.
2.) But you are definitely supposed to have 'two grammatically interconnected lines of concrete imagery' and you don't have that. You have three independent lines, yes? (And even four, if you divide the second line in half as if should be)
I would really suggest a revision before the vote.
Since this contest DOES NOT have a requirement for syllables, I might suggest leaving off the 'lakeside' since it doesn't really matter WHERE the log is, really, does it? And make that first line 'fallen log with' so that it becomes grammatically connected to the second line. Just a thought. Good luck~!
Thanks!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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thank you, the second line is two participial phrases used to describe log so I thought I was ok grammatically, but thanks for the heads up.
Comment from suep
I like the different perspective you bring on city. When we take the time to look we find a whole new bustling community there. Nice use of alliteration. Great artwork choice to accompany your work. Best wishes in the contest! :)
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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I like the different perspective you bring on city. When we take the time to look we find a whole new bustling community there. Nice use of alliteration. Great artwork choice to accompany your work. Best wishes in the contest! :)
Comment Written 18-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for your upbeat review
Comment from Dean Kuch
This is certainly a unique approach to the prompt's topic, Mary.
The contest moderator DID say "City Haiku", but she did NOT say that it had to be a city for humans.
Trees, animal carcasses, and old rotten dead logs can be a "city" for a wide variety of animals and insects in the wild.
Good thinkin' "outside the proverbial box", Mary.
Sometimes that sort of thinking pays big dividends, and sometimes not, depending...
Best wishes,
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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This is certainly a unique approach to the prompt's topic, Mary.
The contest moderator DID say "City Haiku", but she did NOT say that it had to be a city for humans.
Trees, animal carcasses, and old rotten dead logs can be a "city" for a wide variety of animals and insects in the wild.
Good thinkin' "outside the proverbial box", Mary.
Sometimes that sort of thinking pays big dividends, and sometimes not, depending...
Best wishes,
Comment Written 18-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for your comments. You think outside the box.
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My pleasure. :)
