No Coincidences
Double Etheree54 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Luna,
of course I like what you said in you well written
Double Etheree.
I believe all the good things that happens in my life is God's plan. I love where you wrote-
Ev'ry soul has influenced who I have,
or might, become as I travel through time
and space. I have more than one soul mate.
Gert
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Hello Luna,
of course I like what you said in you well written
Double Etheree.
I believe all the good things that happens in my life is God's plan. I love where you wrote-
Ev'ry soul has influenced who I have,
or might, become as I travel through time
and space. I have more than one soul mate.
Gert
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
Comment from Smokes Widow
The diamond shape is a bit off because the 12th line is longer than the center line. To make the shape work the 10th and 11th lines need to be the longest visually. That being said, I can't see a way to do that unless one uses an ampersand instead of *and* and I'm not at all sure that's allowable in this form?
The content is a sweet comment upon those beings who come and go in our lives and leave their mark, no matter how lengthy their stay with us.
I know you lost your son, at such a young age. My condolences for your family's loss. From the sound of it, his demons won nothing but contempt when they took him from this earth. He was loved. He is remembered. He changed lives.
This poem, is both a tribute to him and, to my sensitive ears, his offering to you.
The last line invokes that image of a snake eating itself, ending and beginning connecting. The circle of life. A fitting place to begin anew amid the growth of our memories.
Well done.
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The diamond shape is a bit off because the 12th line is longer than the center line. To make the shape work the 10th and 11th lines need to be the longest visually. That being said, I can't see a way to do that unless one uses an ampersand instead of *and* and I'm not at all sure that's allowable in this form?
The content is a sweet comment upon those beings who come and go in our lives and leave their mark, no matter how lengthy their stay with us.
I know you lost your son, at such a young age. My condolences for your family's loss. From the sound of it, his demons won nothing but contempt when they took him from this earth. He was loved. He is remembered. He changed lives.
This poem, is both a tribute to him and, to my sensitive ears, his offering to you.
The last line invokes that image of a snake eating itself, ending and beginning connecting. The circle of life. A fitting place to begin anew amid the growth of our memories.
Well done.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is very well done Jeni. You have not just written a correct double etheree in form but the words you have chosen are really very good with deep meaning and do not sound at all contrived to meet the requirements for this poetry form. Very well done. Warm regards Dorothy x
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This is very well done Jeni. You have not just written a correct double etheree in form but the words you have chosen are really very good with deep meaning and do not sound at all contrived to meet the requirements for this poetry form. Very well done. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
'It's
been said
that nothing
in life happens
by coincidence'....this is one of the rules I live my life by, no such thing as co-incidence, it is no co-incidence I met you through this site, knowing about Mickey and your hard life just impressed me even more with your stunning writing and you re a very deserving number one poet, I feel nothing but pride for you you are such a special person Jeni I love this poem, it's wonderful. love Meia xx
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'It's
been said
that nothing
in life happens
by coincidence'....this is one of the rules I live my life by, no such thing as co-incidence, it is no co-incidence I met you through this site, knowing about Mickey and your hard life just impressed me even more with your stunning writing and you re a very deserving number one poet, I feel nothing but pride for you you are such a special person Jeni I love this poem, it's wonderful. love Meia xx
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
Comment from Lu Saluna
Very beautifully written.
Some people that I meet
as I walk the universe
may remain with me a long time
or perhaps just a fleeting moment.
This really is the heart of human connection and you have said it so well. We can meet someone and only spend an hour with them and never see them again. Yet, that hour may impact the rest of our life.
A beautiful poem of how we all touch each one another's lives, sometimes subtle or in very profound ways.
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Very beautifully written.
Some people that I meet
as I walk the universe
may remain with me a long time
or perhaps just a fleeting moment.
This really is the heart of human connection and you have said it so well. We can meet someone and only spend an hour with them and never see them again. Yet, that hour may impact the rest of our life.
A beautiful poem of how we all touch each one another's lives, sometimes subtle or in very profound ways.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
Comment from Pantygynt
I have no quarrel with the content of this attempt at a double etheree. It is a poetic statement of some gravitas. My problem is with the content. First, and most easily fixed is the syllable count. There are three consecutive lines all with ten syllables,
"and space. I've had far more than one soul mate." This, the third of the three needs to drop a syllable to become nine syllables. I would suggest you lose "far" in order to keep the sense.
My other quarrel is with the "shape" of the the finished piece. You are aiming for a neat diamond with the finished poem. Anyone can simply write a piece of prose and chop it up into the required line lengths. The art comes in saying what you want to say in a form that follows the syllabic pattern, and comes as near as possible to a piece of mirror symmetry, the diamond. this misses that target by a country mile.
2nd Review. OK the syllable count is now correct and the shape has improved a bit. If this were a contest it would be quite likely that the sponsor wouldn't mention the shape element but who can tell what the individual reader judges may take into account. To longest line physically is the nine syllable line so really that is the one that could do with yet more attention like words with shorter syllables. It is something to take into consideration in the future. I will however upgrade as the improvement on the original is considerable.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
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I have no quarrel with the content of this attempt at a double etheree. It is a poetic statement of some gravitas. My problem is with the content. First, and most easily fixed is the syllable count. There are three consecutive lines all with ten syllables,
"and space. I've had far more than one soul mate." This, the third of the three needs to drop a syllable to become nine syllables. I would suggest you lose "far" in order to keep the sense.
My other quarrel is with the "shape" of the the finished piece. You are aiming for a neat diamond with the finished poem. Anyone can simply write a piece of prose and chop it up into the required line lengths. The art comes in saying what you want to say in a form that follows the syllabic pattern, and comes as near as possible to a piece of mirror symmetry, the diamond. this misses that target by a country mile.
2nd Review. OK the syllable count is now correct and the shape has improved a bit. If this were a contest it would be quite likely that the sponsor wouldn't mention the shape element but who can tell what the individual reader judges may take into account. To longest line physically is the nine syllable line so really that is the one that could do with yet more attention like words with shorter syllables. It is something to take into consideration in the future. I will however upgrade as the improvement on the original is considerable.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
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Jim, you know I always appreciate you your honesty, helpful reviewing style. It's much underrated and unused. I'll do the suggested edits now!
Thanks so much!
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Jim, I've revised. Would you mind taking a look?
Thanks in advance!
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I have looked reassessed and upgraded.
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thanks!
Comment from winnona
a well-written double etheree poem. The well-chosen words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader.The artwork completed the piece well.
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a well-written double etheree poem. The well-chosen words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader.The artwork completed the piece well.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written double Etheree. We surely meet others for a reason. Some people will be just passing by while others will make an impact in our lives.
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A very well-written double Etheree. We surely meet others for a reason. Some people will be just passing by while others will make an impact in our lives.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
Comment from strivinginsc
As an accomplished poet its hard to find anything wrong with your work. You have the gift of looking inside a stranger and reading their soul. As usual, you make life seem simple.
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As an accomplished poet its hard to find anything wrong with your work. You have the gift of looking inside a stranger and reading their soul. As usual, you make life seem simple.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
Comment from Ulla
So very true, you meet somebody by chance and that somebody has a profound influence on your thought or your life even. A wonderful poem I thoroughly enjoyed. All the best. Ulla:)))
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So very true, you meet somebody by chance and that somebody has a profound influence on your thought or your life even. A wonderful poem I thoroughly enjoyed. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
