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Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Scene at a Gym"
Pons and Ned meet at different locations

16 total reviews 
Comment from w.j.debi
Excellent
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Excellent use of dialog and dialect to give depth and personality to your characters. It is amazing how you can twist and play with words to create humor.

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2017

reply by the author on 10-Feb-2017
    Thank you, wj, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Teri7
Excellent
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This is a very cute scene you have penned. You used very cute dialog and made for very good imagery. I enjoyed reading and reviewing. Blessings, Teri

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2017

reply by the author on 10-Feb-2017
    Thank you, Teri, for saving the day. Bill
Comment from HollyD
Excellent
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Haha love it! Very slick and well paced. I love the word confusion and Ned's childlike (and quite understandable!) observations. What is the relationship between Pons and Ned? It reminds me a bit of the backwards and forwards between the only two characters on stage as Beckett/ Stoppard's Rosencranzt and Guildenstern Are Dead. Great! P.S I replied to your very helpful comment on GLAMOR Scene 2/2!

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2017

reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
    Thank you, Holly, for the excellent review. Bill
reply by HollyD on 08-Feb-2017
    You are most welcome. What is the relationship between Pons and Ned?
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
    In the very first scene I identified them as cousins. Since then I think of them as friends, though one can usually move away from friends whereas cousins are harder to slip away from.
reply by HollyD on 08-Feb-2017
    obviously in any comic sketch you need a straight person and someone to bounce jokes off. which you have done. but I never got the cousin thing from it. 2nh I thought carer and patient. but then it turns out that the apparently "other" character actually ends up being the more insightful than Pons.
Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
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hi Bill,

Another great piece. you write these so well. I love the play on words and interpretation. works like a charm here.

All the best
G

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2017

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
    Thank you, G, for the nice review. Bill
Comment from robina1978
Excellent
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A story, mainly in dialogue. That makes a nice change. It seems to be mainly dialect. They are discussing the state of the boat. Another guy is running to escape. As you see I did not completely get it.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2017

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
    Thank you, Ine, for reviewing this. Bill
Comment from LIJ Red
Excellent
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I hate it when that happens--my review was rejected as too short.
So to pad it, I'll grumble a while about the system then say what I said the first time.
This is an excellent, funny scrip. Ned's okay, he makes straight man Pons stand out, as he should.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2017

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
    Thank you, LIJ, for looking at this and providing the man's mandatory minimum characters. I think you may have exceeded that requirement. If I know that I'll be pressed for comment length I always begin like this:
    This one- scene script, Scene at a Gym, seems to pose a long-suffering Pons, which is an odd name, against addle-brained Ned, who doesn't seem to grasp the simplest concept. I think they are both extraordinary characters and this piece should be considered for a Pulitzer Prize in literature.
Comment from closetpoetjester
Excellent
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LOL Ned is a right nutter and Pons must get SOOOO frustrated with his selective hearing haha
A delightfully constructed and staged scene at the local gymnasium where nothing is quite as it seems...well,...according to Ned!
I got a good laugh Bill and very much enjoyed your hijinx.
Cheers P

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2017

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
    Thank you, P, for the upbeat and positive review. Bill
Comment from Aiona
Excellent
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I'm outta sixes. Darnit! :) This was hilarious. I could totally see this as a short film. I love all the malaprops! And Ned is just my kind of guy. Crazy funny script, Bill.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2017

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
    Thank you, Aiona, for the encouraging review. Bill
Comment from Alex Biasin
Excellent
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I enjoyed this.
Really cleverly done and the conversation between these two was certainly entertaining.
Seems like they are refugee's from Swamp People!

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2017

reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
    Thank you, Alex, for the nice review. Bill
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Excellent
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Naturally, after visiting the gym these two would want pie. In fact I think I'll get some right now. They sound like they could use some brain exercises.

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2017

reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
    These two are fun to talk through, but I think I've taken Ned too far into ignorance.