Rainy Day
just a poem, mixed meter; a/b/a/b45 total reviews
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
You really have a gift for creating a masterpiece out of a deceptively simple poem. This is incredibly good, so well rhymed and paced, so well worded and expressed, this was very much enjoyed and of course, top mark from me, well done kindest regards Meia :)
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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You really have a gift for creating a masterpiece out of a deceptively simple poem. This is incredibly good, so well rhymed and paced, so well worded and expressed, this was very much enjoyed and of course, top mark from me, well done kindest regards Meia :)
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Meia, for your kind review, you know how much I appreciate your opinions.
Comment from evilynne
Rainy days leave us with that feeling of what to do, just a lazy time to consider our activity options. Your poem is well written and very enjoyable. Evi
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Rainy days leave us with that feeling of what to do, just a lazy time to consider our activity options. Your poem is well written and very enjoyable. Evi
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Dear Evi,
Thank you so much for the generous six-star review you laid on my work today. I am honored and grateful, and I'm happy that you enjoyed the poem.
Comment from Pantygynt
A poetic comment on a pretty grim day, weatherwise, in which you make the best of it. S2 & S3 have full rhyme guilt/quilt & artistic/optimistic which is fine especially the double rhyme in S3. Thev rhyming line in S1 and S4 on the other hand are only assonance and seem to be there as a second best. Sometimes assonance can be a clever device if used with a distinct purpose in mind. I don't think that is the case here as there iful rhyme radily available so the rhyme sounds forced.
Streak rhymes with unique but streaked is only assonance I suggest:
Also windows looks is ungrammatical, window looks or windows look
Also you call up a friend but listen to their troubles the number is confused. These needs more thought to try and find full rhymes and unique? Why does it appear a one off? Is this the only rainy day ever experienced? No this is not quite ready yet. I can't in all honesty give this a five - yet. Sort it and I will reassess.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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A poetic comment on a pretty grim day, weatherwise, in which you make the best of it. S2 & S3 have full rhyme guilt/quilt & artistic/optimistic which is fine especially the double rhyme in S3. Thev rhyming line in S1 and S4 on the other hand are only assonance and seem to be there as a second best. Sometimes assonance can be a clever device if used with a distinct purpose in mind. I don't think that is the case here as there iful rhyme radily available so the rhyme sounds forced.
Streak rhymes with unique but streaked is only assonance I suggest:
Also windows looks is ungrammatical, window looks or windows look
Also you call up a friend but listen to their troubles the number is confused. These needs more thought to try and find full rhymes and unique? Why does it appear a one off? Is this the only rainy day ever experienced? No this is not quite ready yet. I can't in all honesty give this a five - yet. Sort it and I will reassess.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Dear Jim, as always thank you for your honest review and comments. I will take them to heart and if I have the time to rewrite the poem I will definitely let you know.
Comment from winnona
A well-written poem. Your well-chosen words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader.I love the cat and the sand dragon. I have one of these lizards and they make wonderful pets,
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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A well-written poem. Your well-chosen words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader.I love the cat and the sand dragon. I have one of these lizards and they make wonderful pets,
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Dear winnona, thank you for your kind words of review. Interesting that you have a sand dragon for a pet. What is it's name?
Comment from suep
I love a rainy day! Nice descriptions of how to spend a lazy rainy day under a comfy quilt. Great rhyming and rhythm. Love the animated picture - so purrfect for this. An enjoyable read ... Well done! :)
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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I love a rainy day! Nice descriptions of how to spend a lazy rainy day under a comfy quilt. Great rhyming and rhythm. Love the animated picture - so purrfect for this. An enjoyable read ... Well done! :)
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Dear Due, thank you so much for your kind words of review. I'm happy you enjoyed the poem.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Forget redoubling attempts, unless it's to write more poetry like this one - oh, it is so cozy and warm, so friendly it brings tears to my eyes for the joy of it, I kid you not - I just ADORE this one (but then you had to know I would after 'meeting' my Priss). You capture that rainy-day, comfortable happiness so beautifully. (Love you!) And oh my, is that a real lizard with that cat? I think it IS! Wow!
Prissy is so unusual, Jeni - I have NO set schedule when it comes to sleep, and my sweet cat just watches me sleep, never, ever wakes me. I woke up today to the usual - her watching me, and the second my eyes opened, reminding me of how hungry she was! LOL. I'd slept almost a full night's worth...she's accustomed to me being up after only a few hours. *smile*)
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Forget redoubling attempts, unless it's to write more poetry like this one - oh, it is so cozy and warm, so friendly it brings tears to my eyes for the joy of it, I kid you not - I just ADORE this one (but then you had to know I would after 'meeting' my Priss). You capture that rainy-day, comfortable happiness so beautifully. (Love you!) And oh my, is that a real lizard with that cat? I think it IS! Wow!
Prissy is so unusual, Jeni - I have NO set schedule when it comes to sleep, and my sweet cat just watches me sleep, never, ever wakes me. I woke up today to the usual - her watching me, and the second my eyes opened, reminding me of how hungry she was! LOL. I'd slept almost a full night's worth...she's accustomed to me being up after only a few hours. *smile*)
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Thank you, dear Dawn, for your amazing six-star review on this poem. I appreciate your words of review so very much, you just don't know. I'd love to see a picture of Prissy sometime.
Love,
Jeni
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Oh Jeni, I'm sorry to be so long replying. I've had some issues today. As for a picture of Prissy, I have hundreds on my cell phone - I can text one to you. Unfortunately, they are the only ones I have, and my darn phone can't upload!!! Email me your cell #? XX Hugs. :))
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Sure.
Comment from nancyrabbrose
I like your poem. I can relate, that is, when one is trying to figure out how to spend a day. I like the freedom contained in the poem
a suggestion:
window, rather than windows; or windows look.(agreement of subject and verb)
Well done, interesting poem.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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I like your poem. I can relate, that is, when one is trying to figure out how to spend a day. I like the freedom contained in the poem
a suggestion:
window, rather than windows; or windows look.(agreement of subject and verb)
Well done, interesting poem.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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Thanks for reading my poem, Nancy and for the suggestion for revision. I appreciate that.
Best,
jeni
Comment from Dean Kuch
You could choose to
write something new.
It might not hurt to try it.
If I were you
I'd write haiku
to glean a steady diet.
A steady diet of reading and practicing the writing of your haiku only makes you a much more knowledgeable and better haiku poet, I think.
Grrrrrrrreat poem as always, Jeni.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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You could choose to
write something new.
It might not hurt to try it.
If I were you
I'd write haiku
to glean a steady diet.
A steady diet of reading and practicing the writing of your haiku only makes you a much more knowledgeable and better haiku poet, I think.
Grrrrrrrreat poem as always, Jeni.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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Okay, Okay, Okay! I'll do it! Tomorrow. I promise. Bahahaha!
Best,
Jeni
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Sounds good to me, Jeni and why not - sometimes we need
to just chill out and do as we want - not what we should.
These dark, gloomy days seem to be dragging on - my husband
and I have been having our showers early - right after tea, and believe it
or not, getting into our dressing-gowns to cuddle up on the settee
and watch a film -- if anyone comes to the door - tough luck.
Great presentation to this piece -- love the cat too.
Margaret
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Sounds good to me, Jeni and why not - sometimes we need
to just chill out and do as we want - not what we should.
These dark, gloomy days seem to be dragging on - my husband
and I have been having our showers early - right after tea, and believe it
or not, getting into our dressing-gowns to cuddle up on the settee
and watch a film -- if anyone comes to the door - tough luck.
Great presentation to this piece -- love the cat too.
Margaret
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts regarding this poem, Margaret; they mirror mine. I'm happy that you enjoyed.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Sister Luna,
I know the feeling. When I worked outside my home, I always felt guilty when I called in sick because I needed a day to stay home and do nothing in particular. Your poem reminds me of that time.
Lovely presentation and poem, sweetly pie.
Gypsy sister
Fat Buddha hugs
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Hello, Sister Luna,
I know the feeling. When I worked outside my home, I always felt guilty when I called in sick because I needed a day to stay home and do nothing in particular. Your poem reminds me of that time.
Lovely presentation and poem, sweetly pie.
Gypsy sister
Fat Buddha hugs
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Dear Sister Gypsy,
I thank you for sharing a bit of you with me. I can relate so much, sometimes a "sane" day is needed. Thanks for your kind words of review; I'm glad you enjoyed.
Sister Luna
