Submerging in the Deep
Poetry Potlatch Challenge-Prose Poetry18 total reviews
Comment from JennaG
This is so very well done! Your poem helps me better understand what prose poetry is all about. I'm not sure I've totally succeeded at writing in this form yet, but I've definitely had fun giving it a try. Your piece is very powerful and moving. I love the internal rhyming of "abyss", "this", "hiss" and the awesome alliteration in "ghastly ghoulishness". I especially like the awesome picture and beautiful font color you've used to accompany your skillful wording. Excellent work! :)
  |
This is so very well done! Your poem helps me better understand what prose poetry is all about. I'm not sure I've totally succeeded at writing in this form yet, but I've definitely had fun giving it a try. Your piece is very powerful and moving. I love the internal rhyming of "abyss", "this", "hiss" and the awesome alliteration in "ghastly ghoulishness". I especially like the awesome picture and beautiful font color you've used to accompany your skillful wording. Excellent work! :)
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
Comment from damommy
What beautiful wording, but I'm not surprised at all. You're so poetic.
"I enter the terror of a tear." I think men feel that way when the tears start.
" lore from before a civilized man occurred" sounds to me like stories passed down from prehistoric times.
I can't seem to get the hang of this form.
|
What beautiful wording, but I'm not surprised at all. You're so poetic.
"I enter the terror of a tear." I think men feel that way when the tears start.
" lore from before a civilized man occurred" sounds to me like stories passed down from prehistoric times.
I can't seem to get the hang of this form.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
Comment from nordicgirl
What a great form and a great topic and a GREAT PIECE!
I love this. It jusr strikes me with surprise and is so romantic and fun to read too. Really nice, Michael
NG
 |
What a great form and a great topic and a GREAT PIECE!
I love this. It jusr strikes me with surprise and is so romantic and fun to read too. Really nice, Michael
NG
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
Comment from Gloria ....
Oh my land, Mav I really love the understated tone of water in this delightful poem. It seems the abyss of love might be in peril, but fear not for the warrior is there.
I love this gem, or teardrop. It's gorgeous. :))
Ange
|
Oh my land, Mav I really love the understated tone of water in this delightful poem. It seems the abyss of love might be in peril, but fear not for the warrior is there.
I love this gem, or teardrop. It's gorgeous. :))
Ange
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi Mikey,
so this is what prose poetry looks like. This was very poetic and very nicely presented. There is some wonderful alliteration and turn of phrases that captures the urgency of rescuing this damsel in distress. I do hope it was worth it.
Brenda:))x
|
Hi Mikey,
so this is what prose poetry looks like. This was very poetic and very nicely presented. There is some wonderful alliteration and turn of phrases that captures the urgency of rescuing this damsel in distress. I do hope it was worth it.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
Comment from robyn corum
Michael,
This is really cool. I mean that in the best way. I see several poetic elements dotting the structure as I read, and I wanted to stop and point them all out, but I was pretty engrossed in what I was reading. *smile* But I noticed that you were able to use some fancy poetic footwork, there. Some stuff like some alliteration and assonance in 'hiss of terror tickles'. More assonance in 'must plunge' and 'yore ... lore from before'. I appreciate the alliteration in 'conjures creatures' and 'ghastly ghoulishness' and then in 'enter the terror of a tear'.
I realize it's just in your nature to write so poetically, but this was extra fun.
(Good luck saving that dratted damsel, btw!) heehee
Thanks!
|
Michael,
This is really cool. I mean that in the best way. I see several poetic elements dotting the structure as I read, and I wanted to stop and point them all out, but I was pretty engrossed in what I was reading. *smile* But I noticed that you were able to use some fancy poetic footwork, there. Some stuff like some alliteration and assonance in 'hiss of terror tickles'. More assonance in 'must plunge' and 'yore ... lore from before'. I appreciate the alliteration in 'conjures creatures' and 'ghastly ghoulishness' and then in 'enter the terror of a tear'.
I realize it's just in your nature to write so poetically, but this was extra fun.
(Good luck saving that dratted damsel, btw!) heehee
Thanks!
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
Comment from Sis Cat
Michael, I enjoyed the mythic quality of your prose poem. I thought of myths from around the world in which the hero plunges into various abysses--Hades, a dragon's stomach--in order to rescue a beloved. You allude to this universal connection with these lines:
"I've heard ancient tales of yore ... lore from before a civilized man occurred, of warriors plunged to their knees, pleading for escape."
The narrator explains he is ordinary but his love is extraordinary, which is why he must go in after her "or she will surely drown." His only hope is that caring makes a difference.
My only suggest that you add a comma here because of the clauses, "Even as my mind conjures creatures of ghastly ghoulishness(,) I enter the terror of a tear. I hope that caring makes a difference."
Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Michael, I enjoyed the mythic quality of your prose poem. I thought of myths from around the world in which the hero plunges into various abysses--Hades, a dragon's stomach--in order to rescue a beloved. You allude to this universal connection with these lines:
"I've heard ancient tales of yore ... lore from before a civilized man occurred, of warriors plunged to their knees, pleading for escape."
The narrator explains he is ordinary but his love is extraordinary, which is why he must go in after her "or she will surely drown." His only hope is that caring makes a difference.
My only suggest that you add a comma here because of the clauses, "Even as my mind conjures creatures of ghastly ghoulishness(,) I enter the terror of a tear. I hope that caring makes a difference."
Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
Comment from mermaids
Excellent prose/poetry form. Your words bring forth emotions, The hiss of terror tickles my ear like a devious gnat, is a delicious use of words that appeals to the senses. I wish you well in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Excellent prose/poetry form. Your words bring forth emotions, The hiss of terror tickles my ear like a devious gnat, is a delicious use of words that appeals to the senses. I wish you well in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
