Cautionary Tales
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Zachary"Cautionary tales for the new millennium
62 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
I like the use of both end and internal rhyme in this flowing farce. It seems the story of a loudmouth who made it to the top. It seems anyone can do that anywhere. Some would say this could be about President Trump as much as any loudmouth polician who says things that make people not want to listen. I guess it is lonely at the top.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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I like the use of both end and internal rhyme in this flowing farce. It seems the story of a loudmouth who made it to the top. It seems anyone can do that anywhere. Some would say this could be about President Trump as much as any loudmouth polician who says things that make people not want to listen. I guess it is lonely at the top.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the kind review.
I have just added this poem as the third chapter in my book of 'Cautionary Tales'. If you go back to this poem you can click the links at the top to go back to the other two poems which are just as much fun.
Steve
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My pleasure. I just might do that.
Joan
Comment from Bucketlist
Okay, I'm done rolling on the floor with hysterics.I love your humour Gore blimey mate it knocked me bloomin socks off. The rhyming is great, its a winner ' in my book.' I think we all have known a Zachery "..."......"
A delightful life history "......"thanks for sharing your zany humor (humour)
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Okay, I'm done rolling on the floor with hysterics.I love your humour Gore blimey mate it knocked me bloomin socks off. The rhyming is great, its a winner ' in my book.' I think we all have known a Zachery "..."......"
A delightful life history "......"thanks for sharing your zany humor (humour)
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Thanks heaps, me ol' China.
If you want to have your socks knocked off again, I have just added this poem as the third chapter in my book of 'Cautionary Tales'. If you go back to this poem you can click the links at the top to go back to the other two poems which are just as much fun.
Steve
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Steve, the only way I remember your name is to call you "twist a key" well me ol' fruit I wil read the others. I put a new pair on every time my socks get knocked off- so I'm 'good to go'. Thanks for replying Trisha
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DAH! I just realized your name is kiwi steve h . Sorry about that .
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twist a key??
I can't unlock that!
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I have unlocked it! I reread it and saw kiwi Steve h.
Aren't I clever clogs?
Comment from judester
A wonderfully amusing story in a poem. Sounds like my friend that had Tourette's. Great flow and the outbursts original and funny. I thought it was clever, cheers, judester
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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A wonderfully amusing story in a poem. Sounds like my friend that had Tourette's. Great flow and the outbursts original and funny. I thought it was clever, cheers, judester
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Thanks, judester - I didn't think of this as being about a Tourette's sufferer. Hope I haven't offended anybody. Well, maybe one loud and obnoxious person!
Steve
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Probably didn't offend anyone, but it reminded me. Suddenly, this guy would just yell, clear and loud, insults, Cheers, *SHIT* j
Comment from Autumn Splendour
What a hilarious poem, Steve. Your use of hypobole is amazing.
Yes, there are many of such obnoxious people around, politicians included. LOL.
Just a comment:
It would help if you could add footnotes for words like "Malarkey" and "Baloney". Wonder if it's a cultural difference?
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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What a hilarious poem, Steve. Your use of hypobole is amazing.
Yes, there are many of such obnoxious people around, politicians included. LOL.
Just a comment:
It would help if you could add footnotes for words like "Malarkey" and "Baloney". Wonder if it's a cultural difference?
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Thank you. You are right to suspect that this may be aimed at politicians.
I did think of adding notes, but really all of those words are just exclamations and the precise meanings don't really have any great relevance to the poem. The two you have picked out both mean 'Nonsense'. I'm not surprised some of them are new to you. Even native English speakers have told me they are unfamiliar with many of these. I have borrowed them from old nursery rhymes, Disney stories, classic books and all over the place.
How is Singapore these days? I was very sad to hear of LKY's passing - was that just last year? What a great difference he made to your country during his lifetime.
Steve
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Hi Steve
Singapore, like any country, has its share of problems but it's still a great country to live in and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. If you've read my short stories, they are all about Singapore and Singaporeans. LOL.
Comment from ProSongwriter
Hi,
What a story! Some of the vernacular you used is a bit strange to my American ears, but they sure made for an interesting and enjoyable read!
The one thing I noticed is your steadfast used of internal rhymes in lines 1 & 3. That's not as easy as it appears. I'm a professional songwriter and internal rhymes are special to us. You did a masterful presentation with them.
Contrary to what many folks believe, rhyming poems often do make a good song lyric. The construction of the stanzas/verses is approached much differently.
But this one had a steady rhythm that flowed smoothly and added to the joy of the poem.
From a casual reader's POV ... well done!
Alan
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Hi,
What a story! Some of the vernacular you used is a bit strange to my American ears, but they sure made for an interesting and enjoyable read!
The one thing I noticed is your steadfast used of internal rhymes in lines 1 & 3. That's not as easy as it appears. I'm a professional songwriter and internal rhymes are special to us. You did a masterful presentation with them.
Contrary to what many folks believe, rhyming poems often do make a good song lyric. The construction of the stanzas/verses is approached much differently.
But this one had a steady rhythm that flowed smoothly and added to the joy of the poem.
From a casual reader's POV ... well done!
Alan
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Alan, thanks for the kind words.
Yes, I enjoy tinkering around with these interesting rhyme schemes. Dean Kuch is another who likes to use internal rhymes a lot. I should probably credit such poets as Robert Service Cremation of Sam Magee) and Lewis Carroll (Hunting of the Snark) for my enjoyment of this type of verse.
Steve
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You are most welcome!
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Steve,
What a story you've told in this eventful poem. The rhyme and meter moves this piece along at a brisk clip. Perhaps, too quick, as it became evident that the fate of the world was at hand. I suspect the names have been changed to protect the perhaps, not so innocent? And the country too, as well? lol I love the FanStory forum stanza, by that time you had me laughing through the rest of the poem.
Great job, loved the illustration, too!
Good luck in the contest.
Kim
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Hi Steve,
What a story you've told in this eventful poem. The rhyme and meter moves this piece along at a brisk clip. Perhaps, too quick, as it became evident that the fate of the world was at hand. I suspect the names have been changed to protect the perhaps, not so innocent? And the country too, as well? lol I love the FanStory forum stanza, by that time you had me laughing through the rest of the poem.
Great job, loved the illustration, too!
Good luck in the contest.
Kim
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Thanks, Kim - glad you enjoyed this thinly disguised character portrait. This actually started off as a simple piece of fun, but the ending demanded to be written like this...
Steve
Comment from winnona
A well-written contest entry.Your words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the story of the poem for the reader.Makes you wonder if it was his orneriness that let him survive or just luck, Very well done.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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A well-written contest entry.Your words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the story of the poem for the reader.Makes you wonder if it was his orneriness that let him survive or just luck, Very well done.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Thank you.
I have just added this poem as the third chapter in my book of 'Cautionary Tales'. If you go back to this poem you can click the links at the top to go back to the other two poems which are just as much fun.
I think the caution here should have been exercised by the people who voted him in!
Steve
Comment from frierajac
This is all frivolous banter. And you forgot to make him a wanker. I liked the homey
chant it caused me to dance, and don't hope for a better verse after. I really think it reminds me of what its like to pretend no pun intended, being a boyish boy
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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This is all frivolous banter. And you forgot to make him a wanker. I liked the homey
chant it caused me to dance, and don't hope for a better verse after. I really think it reminds me of what its like to pretend no pun intended, being a boyish boy
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Ah, i didn't forget 'wanker' which would have fitted rather nicely, I was just exercising decorum!
Glad you enjoyed the rollicking beat and the foolish tale.
Steve
Comment from crybry67
This was an interesting and enjoyable read. It flowed very well. I like your use of rhyme, some of them are rather interesting. Lol.. I really like line 'he swore and profaned in profusion'. Blessings... Christy
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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This was an interesting and enjoyable read. It flowed very well. I like your use of rhyme, some of them are rather interesting. Lol.. I really like line 'he swore and profaned in profusion'. Blessings... Christy
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Thank you very much for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Doc Holiday
Oh Zachary! I feel that you could have benefitted from some special medical attention somewhere along the line. Maybe before you blew up the world anyway.
Boy they grow up so quickly, especially in story within a poem. Well-written tale!
Good luck!
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Oh Zachary! I feel that you could have benefitted from some special medical attention somewhere along the line. Maybe before you blew up the world anyway.
Boy they grow up so quickly, especially in story within a poem. Well-written tale!
Good luck!
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Thank you. I think it would have taken a miracle worker to fix Zack's condition!
Steve
