Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Into the Desert"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
34 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
Well, G'day again, Padna.
Let's see where this chapter takes us...
"No, but you might not last very long in the desert, either," Archie said." (Typical flippin' politician! Talk about boosting the poor old blokes confidence!)
"I'm used to a hard life, Sonny. Are you?" Sani shot back." (Cop that!)
"they'll be busy until at least mid(-)morning."
"Kerosene lamps, packed by Koko, stayed stashed in her knapsack until which time(-which time as) as stealth was no longer required."
"I have a metal pole I pulled off the shower curtain and sharpened into a spear." (I hope he has more luck than I ever did getting the bugger to fly straight! My spear was possessed by some crooked spirit.)
"Can't we use the sun as a guide?" Archie asked.
"Not when we travel by night," Sani said, "but not to worry, I have a simple one I made with a piece of the stone, magnetite, I found in an old dried up creek bed." Sani pulled a metal object out of his tattered trousers and held it up. "It's an old miner's trick." (There are many ways... I'll give you one example... let me know if you want some more...
WATCH METHOD
How to find north using your watch.
1. Stand holding your wristwatch horizontal with the figure 12 pointing at the sun
2. Bisect the angle between the hour hand and the 12 O'clock position
3. The line will indicate approximately north and is accurate within 5-8 degrees
I Imagine Archie has a Rolex.)
"I figured we could use them to distill(distil) any liquids we might find." (Again, if you want any advice on the water collecting methods, let me know.)
"There are plenty of barrel cactus around here, and in a pinch, we can distill our own urine to make fresh water." (Ouch! It can be done, but, we can't safely drink our own urine, because it increases the toxins in our body, which may or may not be fatal... usually the former. However, we can safely drink other's urine if they have nothing contagious. I do it all the time for a party trick hahahahaha!)
"If you want to know what you can't see, listen for birds and creeping animals," (Nice one. Most of them will let you know when they sense danger or intruders, even if you are an intruder, because they have seen you for a while.)
"Very good," Sani said. "It's time for us to rest and prepare for day(light)."
" First, we'll dig a cave under the dirt, and then put a mat over the top made of grass and sagebrush." (I sense a cave-in coming on....AAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!)
I'm loving this, Sis. Now I am truly involved in the story, from a personal point of view.
Fabulous stuff. If you need any advice or whatever just email me the questions, please.
Fantastic story telling.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Well, G'day again, Padna.
Let's see where this chapter takes us...
"No, but you might not last very long in the desert, either," Archie said." (Typical flippin' politician! Talk about boosting the poor old blokes confidence!)
"I'm used to a hard life, Sonny. Are you?" Sani shot back." (Cop that!)
"they'll be busy until at least mid(-)morning."
"Kerosene lamps, packed by Koko, stayed stashed in her knapsack until which time(-which time as) as stealth was no longer required."
"I have a metal pole I pulled off the shower curtain and sharpened into a spear." (I hope he has more luck than I ever did getting the bugger to fly straight! My spear was possessed by some crooked spirit.)
"Can't we use the sun as a guide?" Archie asked.
"Not when we travel by night," Sani said, "but not to worry, I have a simple one I made with a piece of the stone, magnetite, I found in an old dried up creek bed." Sani pulled a metal object out of his tattered trousers and held it up. "It's an old miner's trick." (There are many ways... I'll give you one example... let me know if you want some more...
WATCH METHOD
How to find north using your watch.
1. Stand holding your wristwatch horizontal with the figure 12 pointing at the sun
2. Bisect the angle between the hour hand and the 12 O'clock position
3. The line will indicate approximately north and is accurate within 5-8 degrees
I Imagine Archie has a Rolex.)
"I figured we could use them to distill(distil) any liquids we might find." (Again, if you want any advice on the water collecting methods, let me know.)
"There are plenty of barrel cactus around here, and in a pinch, we can distill our own urine to make fresh water." (Ouch! It can be done, but, we can't safely drink our own urine, because it increases the toxins in our body, which may or may not be fatal... usually the former. However, we can safely drink other's urine if they have nothing contagious. I do it all the time for a party trick hahahahaha!)
"If you want to know what you can't see, listen for birds and creeping animals," (Nice one. Most of them will let you know when they sense danger or intruders, even if you are an intruder, because they have seen you for a while.)
"Very good," Sani said. "It's time for us to rest and prepare for day(light)."
" First, we'll dig a cave under the dirt, and then put a mat over the top made of grass and sagebrush." (I sense a cave-in coming on....AAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!)
I'm loving this, Sis. Now I am truly involved in the story, from a personal point of view.
Fabulous stuff. If you need any advice or whatever just email me the questions, please.
Fantastic story telling.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 28-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Thanks for the sixer, my friend. Always an uplift to the spirit (or spirits, depending on what glass you're lifting).
I would very much like advice on the survival stuff. I've waited a long time for you to get to this part. I talked to a friend a few years ago, who knew someone sort of like you -- a survival expert, but not one who'd lived it like you did, so I'm sure you would have lots of ideas on this part.
I can even use what you said about the insects and animals reacting to strangers. That's a good point. As I said, I'm so glad you've gotten to this point. I've thought about you a lot while writing it.
Thanks, Padna,
Rhonda
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No probs, mate. I've appointed a manager, for the various businesses, so I can catch up and start writing and posting again. I'll do as many as I can over the next couple of days and hopefully catch you. I've got a chapter ready to go but I have to do a heap of reviews to get enough funds before I can post it.
I'm loving this yarn. Keep it going.
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Thank you!
A manager. Wow, uptown guy now. My manager is asleep in the recliner next to me. He manages to put up with me. haha. I think you've got one of those, too!
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Hahahaha! Delia told him that... "In the Australian bush they don't fire people who don't do the job, they eat them." hahahaha! The manager is our eldest son and he knows, all too well, that if he messes up I WILL eat him!
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Wow, so that line needs to go into one of our books!! Too good.
We won't tell it to Wayne, though... on second thought, we do eat beef, and, well, you know what happens to cattle that kick people in the head.
Comment from Dustybones
Good follow up. Now they have a small crew going with them. At least it's good they took Ayala. Seemed she wanted to get away from all of that anyway. Now I have to read on. Dusty
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
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Good follow up. Now they have a small crew going with them. At least it's good they took Ayala. Seemed she wanted to get away from all of that anyway. Now I have to read on. Dusty
Comment Written 07-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
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Actually, Ayala does want to get away, she just doesn't know it yet. She'll get it all figured out soon enough!
Thanks for reading and reviewing,
Rhonda
Comment from padumachitta
Hi, a super piece.
You do a nice job with the depth of relationship between Koko & Sani.
Sani is a well rounded character, the sort of wise archetype.
This is a good chapter in a book(which if I get time I will try to catch up on)
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Hi, a super piece.
You do a nice job with the depth of relationship between Koko & Sani.
Sani is a well rounded character, the sort of wise archetype.
This is a good chapter in a book(which if I get time I will try to catch up on)
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much, my friend. I think you will really like the next chapter. I do appreciate you taking the time to read and review,
Rhonda
Comment from LaRosa
Glad I found this story.
The reader can feel the tension, the conflict in having their own 'prisoner', and the sense of environmental danger.
The conversation/teaching situation with Sani makes one realize how important it is for the young to pay attention, to learn all they can from their elders. You never know when you'll need the information.
Will have to go back and start at the beginning!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Glad I found this story.
The reader can feel the tension, the conflict in having their own 'prisoner', and the sense of environmental danger.
The conversation/teaching situation with Sani makes one realize how important it is for the young to pay attention, to learn all they can from their elders. You never know when you'll need the information.
Will have to go back and start at the beginning!
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much for dropping in and reading. What a wonderful comment and review!
That's exactly why I put Sani in the story. He's the voice of wisdom for a group of very young adults who are about to go on a long journey.
Take care,
Rhonda
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:)
Comment from F. Wehr3
Very nice work on this part. I'm still learning your characters, but I think they are developing nicely. I enjoyed the parts on survival with Sani, he's seems like a good person to have along to guide Archie and the others. I didn't see any corrections for you. Well done.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Very nice work on this part. I'm still learning your characters, but I think they are developing nicely. I enjoyed the parts on survival with Sani, he's seems like a good person to have along to guide Archie and the others. I didn't see any corrections for you. Well done.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Thank you very much, Russell! I'm glad you are reading along. The good thing about this book as opposed to the DDG one is that the list of characters is much smaller. lol.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-My favorite thing about this chapter, Rhonda, is Sani.
-What a wise old man, so full of practical experience, too.
-I love how you have developed his character.
-He has all kinds of tools and knowledge about nature;
that was one of my favorite parts--listen to nature for clues.
-I also like his discussion with Archie about his dad.
-The situation with Ayala becomes interesting when
we learn that she wouldn't be believed if she went back.
-The preparation for the evening is also good with digging the
cave. Sani is so resourceful.
-Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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-My favorite thing about this chapter, Rhonda, is Sani.
-What a wise old man, so full of practical experience, too.
-I love how you have developed his character.
-He has all kinds of tools and knowledge about nature;
that was one of my favorite parts--listen to nature for clues.
-I also like his discussion with Archie about his dad.
-The situation with Ayala becomes interesting when
we learn that she wouldn't be believed if she went back.
-The preparation for the evening is also good with digging the
cave. Sani is so resourceful.
-Well done.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much, Pam!!
I appreciate the six stars, and your wonderful perspective on the story.
Sani is a balance for the younger characters. They are all, even Archie, so young it's hard for them to respond with wisdom.
Poor Ayala, she can't win for losing, can she? Well, at least she gets to walk freely now. haha.
Take care, and it's so good to see you back.
Rhonda
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You are welcome and deserving, Rhonda. I really liked this chapter. I guess Ayala didn't know what she was getting in to with Archie!
Comment from rspoet
Another excellent chapter in the Humanity Project.
Both dialogue and action are well developed.
For me, Sani adds a lot of color, humor and expertise
to the story. He is like the old wise, experienced sensei
the old scout in a western, the experienced sailor, or jedi master.
The only change I might have made is to have Archie
put Ayala down sooner. Tied and or tethered,
she wouldn't be able to run off.
Carrying her all that way seems a bit super human.
Archie must be one fit dude.
Overall, the story has moved up a notch since the escape began.
Excellent picture to match.
Well done, my friend!
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Another excellent chapter in the Humanity Project.
Both dialogue and action are well developed.
For me, Sani adds a lot of color, humor and expertise
to the story. He is like the old wise, experienced sensei
the old scout in a western, the experienced sailor, or jedi master.
The only change I might have made is to have Archie
put Ayala down sooner. Tied and or tethered,
she wouldn't be able to run off.
Carrying her all that way seems a bit super human.
Archie must be one fit dude.
Overall, the story has moved up a notch since the escape began.
Excellent picture to match.
Well done, my friend!
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the six stars, and for the great comments and advice!
Archie is very fit, and probably should have put her down sooner, but I couldn't quite work it in. I'll fix it on the overall revision.
I appreciate your comments on Sani. He's sort of a compilation of characters. I have a friend who's a Girl Scout leader, and who was trained by an old man who was called Bear somebody or other. He wrote books of survival, and was a bit like the Bear Grylls or yesteryear. Anyway, she worked with me a lot on developing him.
Thanks again so much,
Rhonda
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
'Like silent desert creatures, the foursome passed along the plains northward. They picked their way between sharp plants and bruising stones, forging a path through virgin soil. The only light they had was provided by a full yellow moon and the glowing ember of a mini torch Sani had made.' this is stunning and superb piece of writing and I am so impressed with your characterisation, the words are perfectly chosen for maximum impact, your writing is flawless!well done Kindest regards meia x
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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'Like silent desert creatures, the foursome passed along the plains northward. They picked their way between sharp plants and bruising stones, forging a path through virgin soil. The only light they had was provided by a full yellow moon and the glowing ember of a mini torch Sani had made.' this is stunning and superb piece of writing and I am so impressed with your characterisation, the words are perfectly chosen for maximum impact, your writing is flawless!well done Kindest regards meia x
Comment Written 31-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Meia!! I appreciate the way you pointed out specifically what you meant in your review!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Rhonda,
Nice showing the depth of relationship between Koko & Sani in the discussion of the plant book.
Sani has a lovable and hard edge which shows a well-rounded character.
and a few moments rest - should have an apostrophe in here.
Good chapter
G
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Hi Rhonda,
Nice showing the depth of relationship between Koko & Sani in the discussion of the plant book.
Sani has a lovable and hard edge which shows a well-rounded character.
and a few moments rest - should have an apostrophe in here.
Good chapter
G
Comment Written 31-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Down to one mistake... I don't know, I might be learning. Of course, I'll probably make up for it later.
Thanks so much!
Rhonda
Comment from w.j.debi
Excellent use of dialog to drive the story forward and reveal the personalities of the characters. I am just joining the story and am intrigued by the premise. I like Sani, a wise and natural leader who has the experience and knowledge that could save them all in the hostile environment. Archie is a great protagonist.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Excellent use of dialog to drive the story forward and reveal the personalities of the characters. I am just joining the story and am intrigued by the premise. I like Sani, a wise and natural leader who has the experience and knowledge that could save them all in the hostile environment. Archie is a great protagonist.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Thank you for joining in. I'm excited to have your insight in the mix. I also appreiciate the comments on characters. It is very helpful.
Have a great week,
Rhonda
