Paint me a picture
The artist11 total reviews
Comment from fluffnstuff
wow...you are just full of love...it oozes doesn't it? You have to be in love like this to write those words. you are very lucky. nice write fluff
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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wow...you are just full of love...it oozes doesn't it? You have to be in love like this to write those words. you are very lucky. nice write fluff
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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hehe It's all a facade! My wife thinks my poems are laughable Oh well each to their own
thanks for the awesome 6 really appreciate this
dip
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I cn't believe she would feel that way...obviously she is "heart-fed" well by you where I feel like a wilted flower. That is good though. If my poems were nosed at i'd b pissed. Keep up the great heart where your muse lives.
Comment from Irish Rain
Being an artist, of course I love this. It describes so well the making of a picture, painting our dreams, a really lovely poem Mr. Dip, excellent rhyme, blessings....
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Being an artist, of course I love this. It describes so well the making of a picture, painting our dreams, a really lovely poem Mr. Dip, excellent rhyme, blessings....
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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thank you so much Irish glad you liked it
dip
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You are most welcome Mr. Dip!!!
Comment from closetpoetjester
Nice to see you incorporating your love of the art gallery with your love of poetry dip haha
Smooth brush strokes throughout and in spite of the author requesting the services of the painter, I have a feeling he has a few deft hand movements of his own haha
I enjoyed this bountiful world of colour you inspire your artiste to paint through your beautifully rhymed words.
So did I tell you I like to splash a little colour around the place?
You up for paintball?
haha
Great work dip
P
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Nice to see you incorporating your love of the art gallery with your love of poetry dip haha
Smooth brush strokes throughout and in spite of the author requesting the services of the painter, I have a feeling he has a few deft hand movements of his own haha
I enjoyed this bountiful world of colour you inspire your artiste to paint through your beautifully rhymed words.
So did I tell you I like to splash a little colour around the place?
You up for paintball?
haha
Great work dip
P
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Wow a six from the mistress of rhyme
hey did I tell you how much I have been enjoying your book lately There are some crackers there I can so relate to.
dip
I'm up for paintball but I have never played it can you put your hand on my trigger and control my spray? lol
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LOL Well of COURSE you're enjoying me
book.
I have not been reading much lately. Kids on hols. I'm flat out keeping up with FS LOL
But then I'm not fuckin retired LOL
Now. Control that spray, man.
And keep that damn trigger in check...haha
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written my friend and its original to be an artist and paint a person dreams such a beautiful thought well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Yes this is well written my friend and its original to be an artist and paint a person dreams such a beautiful thought well done regards Jill
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Thankyou Jill always appreciate your uplifting reviews
dip
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
"The gentle hands of God's angels paint indelible strokes of wonder upon the waiting canvas of a sleeping mind." This is a lovely write and a delightful read. Dreams are very important for it is our sleep that heaven speaks to use since it is the only time many of us are willing to listen. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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"The gentle hands of God's angels paint indelible strokes of wonder upon the waiting canvas of a sleeping mind." This is a lovely write and a delightful read. Dreams are very important for it is our sleep that heaven speaks to use since it is the only time many of us are willing to listen. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Thanks again Mystic you are an angel!
dip
Comment from Susanjohn
I would love to paint you a picture!!!!! hmmmmm but where to begin!!!...too many thoughts floating around my head!!! LOL
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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I would love to paint you a picture!!!!! hmmmmm but where to begin!!!...too many thoughts floating around my head!!! LOL
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Susan Van gogh!
Thankyou
xxdip
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ok..but I'm leaving my ear intact
Comment from Dawn Munro
Well, you certainly managed to evoke some lovely imagery, and your imagination when it comes to expressing your devotion seems to have no bounds - beautiful Dip, especially - "The night is your canvas, your mind is the brush"
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Well, you certainly managed to evoke some lovely imagery, and your imagination when it comes to expressing your devotion seems to have no bounds - beautiful Dip, especially - "The night is your canvas, your mind is the brush"
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Thankyou Dawn much appreciated.
dip
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem. Dreams come true sometimes, we just have to keep dreaming until the dreams happen. It is hard to paint ones dreams for others to understand. The ones who understand another's dreams are very rare.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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A very well-written poem. Dreams come true sometimes, we just have to keep dreaming until the dreams happen. It is hard to paint ones dreams for others to understand. The ones who understand another's dreams are very rare.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Thanks again Sandra
dip
Comment from Mary Wakeford
Well, it depends on the talent of the artist, yes? Trust me, you would not want me painting your love story. I like the flow of this and the application of art to love, as in painting the scene.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Well, it depends on the talent of the artist, yes? Trust me, you would not want me painting your love story. I like the flow of this and the application of art to love, as in painting the scene.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Not when it is an analogy it doesn't lol its purely a poetic metaphor
You can paint me a love painting any time as long as you DON'T LOSE YOUR FKG PAINTBRUSH LIKE YOU LOSE EVERYTHING ELSE HAHA
thanks for the review
dip
Comment from Thal1959
Very nicely written, D. Reads fairly smoothly throughout. Many effective references to a painter's tools and experiences. makes for a charming way to express a desire for someone else - through the trade of the artist.
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reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Very nicely written, D. Reads fairly smoothly throughout. Many effective references to a painter's tools and experiences. makes for a charming way to express a desire for someone else - through the trade of the artist.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Thal do me a favour with this one. I really tried hard to get meter and syllabic count right just for you and read out loud I think I have achieved that where is 'fairly' smoothly? lol
thanks for commenting
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Very well.
"For it's on this love that I have been fed" It is difficult to describe. This occurs when the pentameter consists of 10 one-syllable words. "Love" and "fed" are the only dominant words. All of the other words at what could be called filler - articles, conjunctions, copulas, etc. The lack of dominant words cause stresses to fade. Perhaps you remember an example I used before from Tolkien:
"The Dwarves of yore made mighty spells"
Dwarves, yore, might, and spells are stressed words or syllables. They are nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. They are stressed because they dominate the line. "Fillers" do not - they sort of meander and blend; losing stress. (I said it would be hard to describe.)
This other example is easier to demonstrate:
"Show me in color the world that is you"
(A smooth, rhythmic ten syllable line)
But it is then followed by "Share this world with me" which is five syllables and has a very short meter in contrast to the previous line. Yes, D., sometimes one can read these lines and perceive of a rhythm, but sometimes the rhythm is lost. But you need to always remember that we all read with a different mental rhythm, and even then, we can read a work twice and hear the beat differently.
This could always be just me, so I will tell you what I hear. But if you hear the rhythm correctly, don't change anything. You are not writing just to please me or gain my approval. Don't forget, I have had a number of times already when someone told me not to use do many commas. I employ those commas to maintain the mental cues the reader needs to keep the beat - that includes me when I read my own work.
What sounds fine to me, properly regulated with punctuation, sometimes aggravates other readers. We can never please everyone.
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I am so glad you said that about the commas thal because i was doing the exact same thing to create the pause in beat look I am no poetic scholar by any stretch of the imagination and i will never try to be
I write how i feel I read it how I perceive it and you are so right perception and interpretation are in the eye of the reader
as for the example of a long syllable line followed by a short syllable line, my take on that is that you associate line 2 with line 4 and line 1 with line 4 in quatrain rhyme and ABAB rhyme scheme so in my eyes if read the way I want it to be read its fine
I know you are my poetic mentor and all but you just have to give me a bit of slack on my 3 min poems Well there in lies the problem I write all my poems in 3 to 5 mins and very spontaneously I kid you not I never labour over rhyme it just comes to me bad meter and syllabic count and all.
Respectfully
grasshopper
