Patterns
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Lovers"poetry
9 total reviews
Comment from Luna
Unfortunately I am out of sixes because this deserves one. My favorite parts are:
The lovers of servants,
The servants who go down on their hands and knees
And give up their souls,
Every inch of their bodies
And the lovers of taskmasters,
Those stern taskmasters
Who bind up love
In the darkness,
And teach it new tricks
because I can relate to this in many ways.
But, the lovers of music drew me in right from the beginning and then the poem went on until the paragraphs I noted.
And the moment when love seems to leave us,
Empty handed,
with nothing to say.
This is deep.
This poem is just a bit different than what I am used to from you and while I am a definite fan, I like this poem really well.
yours,
jeni
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Unfortunately I am out of sixes because this deserves one. My favorite parts are:
The lovers of servants,
The servants who go down on their hands and knees
And give up their souls,
Every inch of their bodies
And the lovers of taskmasters,
Those stern taskmasters
Who bind up love
In the darkness,
And teach it new tricks
because I can relate to this in many ways.
But, the lovers of music drew me in right from the beginning and then the poem went on until the paragraphs I noted.
And the moment when love seems to leave us,
Empty handed,
with nothing to say.
This is deep.
This poem is just a bit different than what I am used to from you and while I am a definite fan, I like this poem really well.
yours,
jeni
Comment Written 24-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the five stars and your interesting and encouraging comments. I wanted this to be a bit titillating, but not raunchy, and sensational, without emotion. It is really about the hollow ness of our experience of love today. we are obsessed with sensation and glamour and excitement, we keep yearning for connections, but somehow we don't seem to find it, and like all the lovers in this poem, we end up emptihanded and speechless estory
Comment from closetpoetjester
Some beautiful descriptions and variations on love throughout and it felt quite sensual but to be honest you don't need the warning. It wasn't explicit in wording and left only the allure of what was happening to a degree.
I think if you just had the standard warning it would be fine. Borderline erotica. I particularly liked this well versed stanza
And the lovers of taskmasters,
Those stern taskmasters
Who bind up love
In the darkness,
And teach it new tricks
A little saucy, but cleverly done sans the whip...or was it? Hah!
Really well done, but I think this only dipped a toe or two in cleverly as opposed to the whole leg LOL
Cheers P
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Some beautiful descriptions and variations on love throughout and it felt quite sensual but to be honest you don't need the warning. It wasn't explicit in wording and left only the allure of what was happening to a degree.
I think if you just had the standard warning it would be fine. Borderline erotica. I particularly liked this well versed stanza
And the lovers of taskmasters,
Those stern taskmasters
Who bind up love
In the darkness,
And teach it new tricks
A little saucy, but cleverly done sans the whip...or was it? Hah!
Really well done, but I think this only dipped a toe or two in cleverly as opposed to the whole leg LOL
Cheers P
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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thanks for the five stars and all your comments. there are all kinds of people on this site including religious people so I thought I was better off safe than sorry with the warning. there are some suggestions of erotica here; I wanted it to be teasing, sensational, and at the same time hollow. like all the lovers who never seem quite able to find meaningful love in this poem, we end up mostly by ourselves, isolated, emptihanded and speechless estory
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Cool. I can respect that.
Comment from HarryT
This is a nice piece conveying love in its many forms. The structure works and the images are strong.
Small suggestions for your consideration:
Ginger and chocolate and vanilla flavors - delete and and insert comma after Ginger.
In curliques - not needed in my opinion, interrupts the flow.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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This is a nice piece conveying love in its many forms. The structure works and the images are strong.
Small suggestions for your consideration:
Ginger and chocolate and vanilla flavors - delete and and insert comma after Ginger.
In curliques - not needed in my opinion, interrupts the flow.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the five stars and your comments. I have thought long and hard about this poem and rewrote it several times. I think putting a comma after ginger highlights one flavor over another and I want them all equal. curliques at the end I like because it evokes a sensation, an action by the tongue in lovemaking. estory
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That is the beauty of being an author, you can write what pleases you. Keep writing.
Comment from Sherman541
Love is many things - it comes in many different ways - some very deep and some very sallow - some are of family - others love with lovers - you seem to have covered most kinds of love and several different levels - this says a lot - nicely written and expressed - Sarah
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Love is many things - it comes in many different ways - some very deep and some very sallow - some are of family - others love with lovers - you seem to have covered most kinds of love and several different levels - this says a lot - nicely written and expressed - Sarah
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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thanks for the five stars and your encouraging comments. Mostly I think I wanted to convey a sense of the hollowness of our feelings today, that's why I ended it the way I did. but I wanted to make it open ended enough to invite several different interpretations of an emotion we all experience in life, and experience in uniquely personal ways. estory
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you are welcome - it does seem very open and that you can add to it or for sure write a Second one (like a chapter two, even though it is not a book) - Sarah
Comment from Sis Cat
A fine, passionate poem of love in its many sensual representations, from lovers of poetry to lovers of servants. I enjoyed your rhythmic repetition of "Lovers of." I can hear your poem being spoken in front of a mirror or an audience. It is sensual but not pornographic. Thank you for sharing your superb free verse poem.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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A fine, passionate poem of love in its many sensual representations, from lovers of poetry to lovers of servants. I enjoyed your rhythmic repetition of "Lovers of." I can hear your poem being spoken in front of a mirror or an audience. It is sensual but not pornographic. Thank you for sharing your superb free verse poem.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the five stars and your encouraging comments. yes, I think I wanted it to be a bit titillating, but not pornographic. more sensual, without being banal. I hope, and I believe at least from your review, that I was successful. I wanted this poem to be open to different interrpretations about an emotion we all experience in uniquely personal ways in many different forms and situations estory
Comment from Heidi M
So many different types of lovers and types of things to be loved, and yet this poem left me feeling empty. Probably because of the 'empty handed' line. It's as if the true meaning if love has been missed by all the lovers.
Well-written and thought provoking.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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So many different types of lovers and types of things to be loved, and yet this poem left me feeling empty. Probably because of the 'empty handed' line. It's as if the true meaning if love has been missed by all the lovers.
Well-written and thought provoking.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the five star review and your comments. that empty feeling is exactly what I wanted to create, so I was happy to hear that in your review. we are obsessed with glamour today, with sensation, not with substance. In this poem, none of the lovers really moves into that realm of real meaningful, emotional love estory
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Great imagery with hint of naughtiness and an undertone of dark passion and sometimes lovelessness resulting in loneliness, your poem has it all, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Great imagery with hint of naughtiness and an undertone of dark passion and sometimes lovelessness resulting in loneliness, your poem has it all, love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the five star review and your comments. I think this was exactly the feeling I was trying to create, and I was happy to hear that in this review. a bit titillating without being pornographic or raunchy, sensual but empty. estory
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hey, someone had to pick up the erotica vein as the recently departed Sir Lancellot has left a gaping void in that department caused by his departure.
The lovers of poetry
Reciting their love poems
In front of their mirrors ... While I do love poetry and I do, on occasion, recite my poetic endeavors in a mirror, I do not write love poetry. You must first believe in the concept of a thing before you can adequately write about it.
I no longer do.
The lovers of love,
The arts of love,
The women and the men
In love with the shapes in their hands
And the flavors in their mouths,
Ginger and chocolate and vanilla flavors
Rolling off the tongue
In curliques ... I am very fond of ginger, chocolate, and vanilla, estory. Now those I could write about...
And the lovers of taskmasters,
Those stern taskmasters
Who bind up love
In the darkness,
And teach it new tricks Ah, okay. Like my Dominatrix, Priscilla Payne. She is very adept at binding things up...if you catch my drift...
All joking aside, a nice free verse. Very honest, direct, and to the point. Not much "heart" here however, at least it didn't come across that way to me.
Kind of cold, calculating and clinical.
Still...nicely rendered just the same.
~Dean
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Hey, someone had to pick up the erotica vein as the recently departed Sir Lancellot has left a gaping void in that department caused by his departure.
The lovers of poetry
Reciting their love poems
In front of their mirrors ... While I do love poetry and I do, on occasion, recite my poetic endeavors in a mirror, I do not write love poetry. You must first believe in the concept of a thing before you can adequately write about it.
I no longer do.
The lovers of love,
The arts of love,
The women and the men
In love with the shapes in their hands
And the flavors in their mouths,
Ginger and chocolate and vanilla flavors
Rolling off the tongue
In curliques ... I am very fond of ginger, chocolate, and vanilla, estory. Now those I could write about...
And the lovers of taskmasters,
Those stern taskmasters
Who bind up love
In the darkness,
And teach it new tricks Ah, okay. Like my Dominatrix, Priscilla Payne. She is very adept at binding things up...if you catch my drift...
All joking aside, a nice free verse. Very honest, direct, and to the point. Not much "heart" here however, at least it didn't come across that way to me.
Kind of cold, calculating and clinical.
Still...nicely rendered just the same.
~Dean
Comment Written 21-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the five stars and your interesting comments. I wanted to create a poem that captures the sensual, sensation driven appreciation of love that really misses the emotional aspect of it. In today's world, we are obsessed with glamour, with sensation, and we never really seem to make that underlying, meaningful emotional connection. hence the clinical, empty tone. in this poem the lovers seem to be searching for that connection, but they never make it. estory
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Ah, I see now.
Thanks for the explanation, estory, it's appreciated.
Regardless, it's a great poem.
~Dean
Comment from laffad
Hot damn. This is very good. Thanks for putting the warning for sexual content. Some people forget to do that, I think. Thanks for sharing this!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Hot damn. This is very good. Thanks for putting the warning for sexual content. Some people forget to do that, I think. Thanks for sharing this!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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thanks for the five star review and your comments. well, it is not a really graphic piece, but there are all kinds of readers here, some very religious, and I felt because of the subject matter it was best to put the warning on it. I wanted it to be sensual, but empty. this is a poem about lovers searching for emotional connections that never occur. that's why I ended it the way I did estory
