Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "haiku (koi gild pad strewn pond)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
12 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
koi gild pad strewn pond 5 splashes of inspiration 7
wishing well 3 = 15 syllables well under 17 max
-well connected phrase with satori
-satori is insightful
-stunning presentation
-good information about koi fish
suggestion= explaining your haiku in such detail robs the reviewer from seeking his/her personal meaning.
good job, Monica :)
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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koi gild pad strewn pond 5 splashes of inspiration 7
wishing well 3 = 15 syllables well under 17 max
-well connected phrase with satori
-satori is insightful
-stunning presentation
-good information about koi fish
suggestion= explaining your haiku in such detail robs the reviewer from seeking his/her personal meaning.
good job, Monica :)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you very much. Point taken as I usually do not use notes at all but wasn't sure what you were looking for here since some of the other posts seems to contain extensive notes.
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I don't tell haikuist what to write in the challenge book, I merely give my opinion from a reviewer point of view. :) It's a personal choice and I prefer to allow the reader to draw their own conclusions.
Comment from Leineco
Interesting choice Mystic. . .I almost want to reverse lines 1 & 3 and turn
it into a "satori first" style haiku. . .
wishing well
splashes of inspiration
in gild pad strewn koi pond
but that could easily be a matter of how one's mind functions. . .LOL. . .and I have always been a big fan of the semi colon inferred, satori first style of haiku :-)
but then again, the longer I contemplate it, the more I realize the "splashes" of coins tossed is the turning point that changes the locale from pond into wishing well, which is essentially a stronger transformation as the final line!
Maybe that's the true "thrill" of haiku. . .contemplating the juxtapositions :-)
Nicely done M :-)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Interesting choice Mystic. . .I almost want to reverse lines 1 & 3 and turn
it into a "satori first" style haiku. . .
wishing well
splashes of inspiration
in gild pad strewn koi pond
but that could easily be a matter of how one's mind functions. . .LOL. . .and I have always been a big fan of the semi colon inferred, satori first style of haiku :-)
but then again, the longer I contemplate it, the more I realize the "splashes" of coins tossed is the turning point that changes the locale from pond into wishing well, which is essentially a stronger transformation as the final line!
Maybe that's the true "thrill" of haiku. . .contemplating the juxtapositions :-)
Nicely done M :-)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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LOL! I just love you :) ... you always give me something more to think about. Between you and me, I don't find haiku all that thrilling LOL. I started using them way back to teach myself greater discipline in word choices (something Brooke suggested to me and I am grateful she did). I see them as an exercise - sometimes in futility so what does that say about my poor mind. Hugs for the always encouraging feedback.
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I think I agree with your general assessment. . .but on the other hand, there have been times a particular haiku really grabbed hold of me. Unfortunately, it's about a 50-1 ratio :-( [especially with the rise of 5-7-5 poetry leading people to think haiku is just a fancy name for "a short poem with syllable conditions]. . .hell, 2/3rds of the "haiku" I read these days don't even understand the "no humans allowed/purely nature" constraint on the imagery (including the verbs and adjectives)!!
Brooke's right though, they really are a great exercise in restraint...and learning to paint pictures with "abundant brevity"!
Personally, what I like about writing haiku, is the "game". It's kind of like doing crossword puzzles or Jumble. . .a word challenge, using words as the paint/ink to produce a piece of Mona Lisa sized artwork :-)
I can't imagine, though, being a writer dedicated only to writing haiku. . .I would feel like I was locked up in jail with only bread and water for my meals!!! Arrrggghhh!
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I hear ya! Yet folks like Basho made a living at it ... I always wondered if he talked like that too? Scary thought.
Comment from Douglas Paul
Beautiful and clear imagery in your fist two connecting lines. I also really liked your satori - a good insight into what the first two lines mean to you. Well done and thank you for participating
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Beautiful and clear imagery in your fist two connecting lines. I also really liked your satori - a good insight into what the first two lines mean to you. Well done and thank you for participating
Comment Written 21-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thank you very much, Douglas. Your kind encouragement is greatly appreciated.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written my friend and beautifully presented I love the idea of wishing well it adds so much to the closing well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Yes this is well written my friend and beautifully presented I love the idea of wishing well it adds so much to the closing well done regards Jill
Comment Written 21-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you very much, Jill. Your kind support is always appreciated.
Comment from Luna
Thanks for your author's notes. Your presentation is exquisite and the notes helped me to understand the haiku, which scares me to death. I can't write them and respect those of you who can. Great Job!
love and light,
jeni
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thanks for your author's notes. Your presentation is exquisite and the notes helped me to understand the haiku, which scares me to death. I can't write them and respect those of you who can. Great Job!
love and light,
jeni
Comment Written 21-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you very much. Why fear few words as it is in the lengthy, lofty prose that real evil is foretold.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting haiku you have penned. I have not tried that style of haiku you yet. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. love the picture of the pretty fist! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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This is a very interesting haiku you have penned. I have not tried that style of haiku you yet. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. love the picture of the pretty fist! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 20-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Thank you very much, Teri. You should try the style as it might be a good you. It's just three lines in a short / long / short format with seventeen syllables or less total - no rhyme and no meter.
Comment from lyenochka
Lovely! With five monosyllabic words you create the physical setting in the first line. Then the second reads smoothly with the transitional stage of changing from the fish and water setting into the heart and mind of the viewer.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Lovely! With five monosyllabic words you create the physical setting in the first line. Then the second reads smoothly with the transitional stage of changing from the fish and water setting into the heart and mind of the viewer.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Thank you very much. I am so happy you enjoyed it and that it spoke to you in the manner with which it was meant to. Your lovely words of encouragement and support are very much appreciated.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a beautifully written and illustrated haiku. The first two lines describe the charm and beauty of the koi pond. I like the reference to gild (gold) in the first and last lines as--toss a coin into the pond and make a wish. Each line offers the reader something. I particularly like the second line. Your author's note is informative and interesting. Marilyn
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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This is a beautifully written and illustrated haiku. The first two lines describe the charm and beauty of the koi pond. I like the reference to gild (gold) in the first and last lines as--toss a coin into the pond and make a wish. Each line offers the reader something. I particularly like the second line. Your author's note is informative and interesting. Marilyn
Comment Written 20-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Thank you very much, Marilyn. I am so pleased you liked this one as I did not want to let the group down so you make me feel much better. Your always kind and generous encouragement is greatly appreciated.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Jackarrie
Hi Monica
I like your haiku, the image is just fabulous, and the 5-7-5 syllable poem is expressed . wonderfully, I also like the satori line. "wishing well"
Well done
Mary
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Hi Monica
I like your haiku, the image is just fabulous, and the 5-7-5 syllable poem is expressed . wonderfully, I also like the satori line. "wishing well"
Well done
Mary
Comment Written 20-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Thank you very much, Mary. I am sure my theme is probably not all that original as koi inspire lots of writing so I am really happy you enjoyed. Your encouragement is always both needed and appreciated.
Comment from DR DIP
awh Your author's notes gave it away. Although I so appreciate the two interpretations you have described, haikus to me rely heavily on the picture to work although many avid haiku exponents beg to differ Thanks for posting
dip
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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awh Your author's notes gave it away. Although I so appreciate the two interpretations you have described, haikus to me rely heavily on the picture to work although many avid haiku exponents beg to differ Thanks for posting
dip
Comment Written 20-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Thank you for reading. You will never please any real purist as they will always know oh so much better LOL. Life's to short to quibble over small stuff and haiku is as small is it comes.
