Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "haiku (nameless colors)*"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
57 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
As far as I can see from my growing list of notes on the form, this ticks all the boxes as far as haiku is concerned. There is an air of mystery from the outset with 'nameless' and your second line has a marvelous rhythmic fluidity. The idea of the vivid rainbow of colours set against the blackness of the ocean depths is splendid.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
  |
As far as I can see from my growing list of notes on the form, this ticks all the boxes as far as haiku is concerned. There is an air of mystery from the outset with 'nameless' and your second line has a marvelous rhythmic fluidity. The idea of the vivid rainbow of colours set against the blackness of the ocean depths is splendid.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
-
Thank you so much, Tony, for your kind review and for taking the time to read and share your thoughts regarding my haiku. I appreciate your comments and encouraging response. I'm glad you enjoyed the satori line.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
nameless colors
swim the sunless ocean depths
rainbow in the dark
the imagery in your words is as vivid as the colours, Karyn.
a rainbow indeed.
Margaret
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
|
nameless colors
swim the sunless ocean depths
rainbow in the dark
the imagery in your words is as vivid as the colours, Karyn.
a rainbow indeed.
Margaret
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
-
Thank you so much for your kind review and for taking the time to read and share your thoughts regarding my haiku. I appreciate your comments and encouraging response, Margaret. I'm delighted you enjoyed the imagery of the poem..
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment from Lu Saluna
this is very beautiful. Your first two lines create a beautiful myriad of colours in my mind. It is truly amazing the colourful life swimming around in the deep ocean.
Your satori, "rainbow in the dark" is lovely, I can envision a beautiful rainbow against a black backdrop and it is brilliant beyond belief.
Excellent haiku.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
|
this is very beautiful. Your first two lines create a beautiful myriad of colours in my mind. It is truly amazing the colourful life swimming around in the deep ocean.
Your satori, "rainbow in the dark" is lovely, I can envision a beautiful rainbow against a black backdrop and it is brilliant beyond belief.
Excellent haiku.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
-
Thank you so much for your kind review and for taking the time to read and share your thoughts regarding my haiku" Lu. I appreciate your comments and encouraging response, and I'm so glad you liked the imagery of the poem..
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment from Dean Kuch
Ah, this is a very good, well-written haiku, Kar.
Your 3/7/5 syllabic count is well within the boundaries imposed by haiku of seventeen syllables, or less.
Your phrase, or the first two lines, convey a concrete image and are grammatically connected.
Your kigo is ""oceans", which according to the William Higginson's Kigo Dictionary refers to terrestrial/summer.
Your satori is a brilliant overall observation of the first two lines of your haiku.
This is haiku writing at its finest, at least in my humble opinion (for whatever that's worth).
Bravo!
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
|
Ah, this is a very good, well-written haiku, Kar.
Your 3/7/5 syllabic count is well within the boundaries imposed by haiku of seventeen syllables, or less.
Your phrase, or the first two lines, convey a concrete image and are grammatically connected.
Your kigo is ""oceans", which according to the William Higginson's Kigo Dictionary refers to terrestrial/summer.
Your satori is a brilliant overall observation of the first two lines of your haiku.
This is haiku writing at its finest, at least in my humble opinion (for whatever that's worth).
Bravo!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
-
Thank you so much for your kind review and for taking the time to read and share your thoughts regarding my haiku, Dean. I appreciate your comments and encouraging response. I'm delighted you enjoyed the poem..
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
-
You're more than welcome, Karyn.
Comment from MissMerri
Well dear friend, perhaps you're tired of "WOW!" as the major comment for your haiku, but that's almost always the first word that comes to mind. I have always been awed by the brilliance of the colors in the dark depths of the ocean and the amazing beauty that lives down there where few eyes can ever see, and I think your haiku so perfectly captures that amazement. The description, "rainbow in the dark" seemed like the perfect satori line and definitely produces the desired "ah ha!" I loved it.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
 |
Well dear friend, perhaps you're tired of "WOW!" as the major comment for your haiku, but that's almost always the first word that comes to mind. I have always been awed by the brilliance of the colors in the dark depths of the ocean and the amazing beauty that lives down there where few eyes can ever see, and I think your haiku so perfectly captures that amazement. The description, "rainbow in the dark" seemed like the perfect satori line and definitely produces the desired "ah ha!" I loved it.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
-
Oh, MissM, I'm so grateful for all your kind words for this haiku. Thamk you for your lovely review, generous rating, and your kind, encouraging response. You completely understood the haiku and what I wanted to convey to the reader. I'm thrilled you liked the imagery and the ah ha line of the poem. Please accept my apology for the delay in writing a reply. The cootie man had my head stuffed in a Kleenex box for a week. Thanks again, MM.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment from robyn corum
Karyn,
This is a thinking poem. Not because of trying to catch the meaning, but just thinking of all that beauty, down where it's not being appreciated! Wow! Thanks!
PS.
To be considered for the book, your poem has to be posted in the multi-author book. Can you change this and re-post it there?
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
|
Karyn,
This is a thinking poem. Not because of trying to catch the meaning, but just thinking of all that beauty, down where it's not being appreciated! Wow! Thanks!
PS.
To be considered for the book, your poem has to be posted in the multi-author book. Can you change this and re-post it there?
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
-
Thanks for your kind review and comments, Robyn. I think I posted it from the add a chapter page, so it should be in there.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
I think this is one of my very favourite Haiku's ever! I love the onomatopoeic feel your words conjure up the sea for me....'rainbow in the dark' is such a strong image I am in love with that last line....perfect I wish I had a six to give...kindest regards and well done, meia x
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
|
I think this is one of my very favourite Haiku's ever! I love the onomatopoeic feel your words conjure up the sea for me....'rainbow in the dark' is such a strong image I am in love with that last line....perfect I wish I had a six to give...kindest regards and well done, meia x
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
-
WOW! What a heart-warming review for my haiku, Meia. Wanting to award it a sixth star sure makes me happy. I appreciate all your kind words, and I'm thrilled you enjoyed the imagery and satori line of the poem. Thamk you for this fabulous response for my haiku.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment from William Ross
Very good on the haiku under water colors rainbow in the dark, that;s great good thought on this. Thanks for the share and have a great day
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
|
Very good on the haiku under water colors rainbow in the dark, that;s great good thought on this. Thanks for the share and have a great day
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
-
Thank you so much for your kind review and for taking the time to read and share your thoughts regarding my haiku. I appreciate your comments and encouraging response, William.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Hi IndianaIrish, this is a good little haiku. You have captured the mysteries of the deep ocean with its collection of colours all swimming together peacefully. If only humans can live together like that.
The photo you have chosen is great - very vibrant. If I were to make any suggestion, I would perhaps look at the first word 'nameless' and use 'random' as it appears more random than nameless given one can see the different abundant colors.
Just food for thought :-). Thanks for a great read. ~DD
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
|
Hi IndianaIrish, this is a good little haiku. You have captured the mysteries of the deep ocean with its collection of colours all swimming together peacefully. If only humans can live together like that.
The photo you have chosen is great - very vibrant. If I were to make any suggestion, I would perhaps look at the first word 'nameless' and use 'random' as it appears more random than nameless given one can see the different abundant colors.
Just food for thought :-). Thanks for a great read. ~DD
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
-
Thanks for taking the time to read, review, and share your thoughts for my haiku, ~DD. I truly appreciate your feedback, and let me tell you why I chose "nameless colors"... I read there are so many species that live in the darkest depths of the ocean that we may never see. There are all those different hues that we have never seen and don't know what color they are. I image all those fish just have to provide incredible rainbows in the dark. Make sense? I'm delighted you enjoyed the read, and sorry for the delay in replying to your review. I've been held captive by a Kleenex box.
Smiles ,
Karyn :-)
Comment from Antoine Charlemaine
...BUT...colour is a reflection of light, yes? Can colour exist without light? Is a rainbow in the dark really a rainbow? Ah! But of course! Their colours are reflected in the light of a thousand Luminous Sea Stars gambling by. Good ol' Luminous Sea Stars. I guess if you can imagine Luminous Sea Stars you can imagine anything...even rainbows in the dark.
PS Did you know carrots are white in the ground? They only appear 'orange' the moment they are touched by light for the first time. Well, I thought it was interesting...
Ant xx
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
|
...BUT...colour is a reflection of light, yes? Can colour exist without light? Is a rainbow in the dark really a rainbow? Ah! But of course! Their colours are reflected in the light of a thousand Luminous Sea Stars gambling by. Good ol' Luminous Sea Stars. I guess if you can imagine Luminous Sea Stars you can imagine anything...even rainbows in the dark.
PS Did you know carrots are white in the ground? They only appear 'orange' the moment they are touched by light for the first time. Well, I thought it was interesting...
Ant xx
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
-
Hello Ant! Thanks for all your comments for my haiku. Of course there are rainbows in the dark! Sheeeeesh! Those fish we will never see in the depths of the ocean must have colors we've never seen before...and can't your imaginative mind just envision their magnificent rainbow of colors swimming in the black? Of course you can. You have a great imagination. Well, you do about activity under trees.
Sorry for the huge delay in replying to your review. I've had my face held captive in a Kleenex box, been sucking the hell out of Halls cherry cough drops, and swigging NyQuil every night for a week. I needed a nurse, but no one wanted to get anywhere near my cooties no me. But I'm better now...you will forgive me, right!
Smiles,
Ahchoo Kazza-oo :-)
-
Oh! You poor thing!
"I'm sad that you're not feeling well;
Please rest and take it easy;
And soon it won't be long before
You're feeling bright and breezy."
I guess my imagination can't extend as far as black rainbows... Perhaps those deep-sea fishies are like carrots - when light strikes them they light up. But if the light never strikes them...? Perhaps that's 'potential colour'...
You clearly haven't read my next chapters if you think my imagination only extends as far as activity under trees... There, that might get you reading again!
Love, Ant xx
