Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "haiku (ghastly Goblin Shark)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
57 total reviews
Comment from whizpurr ^-^
Wow! That sure is some shark... and some poem too! Such a clever presentation too. The sound effects also amused me greatly. Scared my dog again! :-) Ungillty! What a marvelous play on words! Well done. You get an A+ on this one.
Best, Aggie
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Wow! That sure is some shark... and some poem too! Such a clever presentation too. The sound effects also amused me greatly. Scared my dog again! :-) Ungillty! What a marvelous play on words! Well done. You get an A+ on this one.
Best, Aggie
Comment Written 21-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Aggie.
Comment from vfbryant
Hi, Dean I've been away for quite awhile, and, since I'm notified when you write, this haiku is the first thing I've read on coming back. Your perspective on things, and your ability to share that perspective are intriguing to me, and this haiku is a perfect illustration. The photo made me shudder, but the words made the monstrous "fish" take on life and personality, and with the twist at the end, even an almost likable indifference. Thanks for all your notes at the end. They're very enjoyable. Valerie
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Hi, Dean I've been away for quite awhile, and, since I'm notified when you write, this haiku is the first thing I've read on coming back. Your perspective on things, and your ability to share that perspective are intriguing to me, and this haiku is a perfect illustration. The photo made me shudder, but the words made the monstrous "fish" take on life and personality, and with the twist at the end, even an almost likable indifference. Thanks for all your notes at the end. They're very enjoyable. Valerie
Comment Written 21-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thank you for stopping by, Valerie. I really appreciate that.
It's really great to hear from you again.
I'm glad you enjoyed this. This was one of tow "experimental contemporary haiku" where I attempted to interject a bit of humor while still keeping it true to the haiku format.
Once again, welcome back, Valerie, and thanks!
Comment from cumulus365
That ocean we have is filled with surprises. As one goes to deeper and deeper colder depths where almost no light exists, one will find some ugly fish that have to adapt to their living space. I thought the angler was ugly, this is worse. I like your poem as you stick in poetic scheme alliteration "g" about this shark in line 1 and leads into line 2 about its habitat. Thanks for sharing your interesting find about this animal that has an unguilty conscience. The picture illustration provides the real image of the shark which enhances the meaning of the ghastly shark and the story you wrote which is very amusing. The entire haiku is educational, entertaining, as well as it builds a tone of a bit of fright just by looking at the fish. Great research work. cumulus
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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That ocean we have is filled with surprises. As one goes to deeper and deeper colder depths where almost no light exists, one will find some ugly fish that have to adapt to their living space. I thought the angler was ugly, this is worse. I like your poem as you stick in poetic scheme alliteration "g" about this shark in line 1 and leads into line 2 about its habitat. Thanks for sharing your interesting find about this animal that has an unguilty conscience. The picture illustration provides the real image of the shark which enhances the meaning of the ghastly shark and the story you wrote which is very amusing. The entire haiku is educational, entertaining, as well as it builds a tone of a bit of fright just by looking at the fish. Great research work. cumulus
Comment Written 20-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Thanks, cumulus.
Your comments are appreciated.
~Dean
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You are welcomed.
Comment from Aussie
From the land of sharks, I salute your Haiku. One damn ugly shark; no wonder it lives in the dark. I liked your short rant. Our Great White sharks can swallow a man whole. This summer there have been many shark attacks and the Govt. has introduced meshing to protect swimmers - pity the rest of the creatures that get caught up in the coastal nets.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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From the land of sharks, I salute your Haiku. One damn ugly shark; no wonder it lives in the dark. I liked your short rant. Our Great White sharks can swallow a man whole. This summer there have been many shark attacks and the Govt. has introduced meshing to protect swimmers - pity the rest of the creatures that get caught up in the coastal nets.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Yes, I know what you mean, Kay. Unfortunate victims of circumstance, those critters.
Thanks for reading.
Comment from Leineco
LOL - L - O - V - E your satori line. . .
a touch of the "pun/word play technique". . .a touch of the "botch ya" technique.
The use of goblin and haunts sets up "scary" expectations, but you disarm those
fears by assuring us said shark has, in fact, proven not to be a man eater :-)
nicely done :-)
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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LOL - L - O - V - E your satori line. . .
a touch of the "pun/word play technique". . .a touch of the "botch ya" technique.
The use of goblin and haunts sets up "scary" expectations, but you disarm those
fears by assuring us said shark has, in fact, proven not to be a man eater :-)
nicely done :-)
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thanks, Lorraine.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I think goblins would be insulted to have this ugly creature named after them, surely.Clever haiku Dean, informative and great ending line play on words.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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I think goblins would be insulted to have this ugly creature named after them, surely.Clever haiku Dean, informative and great ending line play on words.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thanks for reading, Pearl.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Dean,
I enjoyed your haiku on the scary shark. Good job with its style.
I really like the alliteration & 'play' on words in the satori.
I like the way you presented a short poem with so much 'other' info. The best part is the info in red about how to interpret haiku--giving readers a heads up about the criteria. Odd/scary 'things' really get a bad rap by many who don't know or don't care to know. As far as the name, I believe it comes from the long spear-looking nose. To me it reminds me of the wattle on a turkey. You know 'gobble gobble'. Oh well it is goblin not gobble. People should just stay away from them & leave them alone.
Jan
The art is perfect.
Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Dean,
I enjoyed your haiku on the scary shark. Good job with its style.
I really like the alliteration & 'play' on words in the satori.
I like the way you presented a short poem with so much 'other' info. The best part is the info in red about how to interpret haiku--giving readers a heads up about the criteria. Odd/scary 'things' really get a bad rap by many who don't know or don't care to know. As far as the name, I believe it comes from the long spear-looking nose. To me it reminds me of the wattle on a turkey. You know 'gobble gobble'. Oh well it is goblin not gobble. People should just stay away from them & leave them alone.
Jan
The art is perfect.
Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thanks, Jan.
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
That is one of the most ugliest fish that I have seen. I watched the video that made me happy that I have never went into the water of the ocean. First and second lines tells us where and what they do and your satori is a great play on words Dean. A very good haiku club challenge,,,,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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That is one of the most ugliest fish that I have seen. I watched the video that made me happy that I have never went into the water of the ocean. First and second lines tells us where and what they do and your satori is a great play on words Dean. A very good haiku club challenge,,,,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thanks, Jim.
Comment from Janet Foor
Definitely a ghastly creature. Would hate to come across one of them.
Excellent haiku with nice play on words in the satori.
Thanks for the information on the ghastly Goblin Shark.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Definitely a ghastly creature. Would hate to come across one of them.
Excellent haiku with nice play on words in the satori.
Thanks for the information on the ghastly Goblin Shark.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you for reading, Janet.
I'm glad you enjoyed this.~Dean
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Afternoon Poet,
After I got over the shock of the very loud music opening as I began to read your haiku, I had to disable the music so I could focus on your writing. I must say, the music jolted the hell of me.
I did enjoy your haiku. It is certainly complaint with the syllable count and two grammatically connected lines. I found the satori line clever and effective. I enjoy word-plays as they can enhance the read of a poem.
It's my understanding that haiku contrasts two concrete images and does not deal in abstract thoughts or unnecessary adjectives. Once such become incorporated in a haiku, it quickly makes the haiku devolve into a 5-7-5 type of poem.
Goblin shark and ocean's markets debts are two observable concrete images. It strikes me that 'ghastly' is an unnecessary adjective. Let the reader fill in the blank about what would describe the shark. Also, it seems to me that 'haunts' is an abstraction relating human fear. Is a haunting something that can be seen, observed? I think your haiku would be stronger by using a concrete, observable verb such as swims, lurks, etc. The name of the fish already conjure up images of the shark being ghastly and menacing.
My rating is based on the use of haunts as an abstraction. Please let me know if you make edits and I'll be glad to return and review again.
Respectfully,
Ray
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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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Good Afternoon Poet,
After I got over the shock of the very loud music opening as I began to read your haiku, I had to disable the music so I could focus on your writing. I must say, the music jolted the hell of me.
I did enjoy your haiku. It is certainly complaint with the syllable count and two grammatically connected lines. I found the satori line clever and effective. I enjoy word-plays as they can enhance the read of a poem.
It's my understanding that haiku contrasts two concrete images and does not deal in abstract thoughts or unnecessary adjectives. Once such become incorporated in a haiku, it quickly makes the haiku devolve into a 5-7-5 type of poem.
Goblin shark and ocean's markets debts are two observable concrete images. It strikes me that 'ghastly' is an unnecessary adjective. Let the reader fill in the blank about what would describe the shark. Also, it seems to me that 'haunts' is an abstraction relating human fear. Is a haunting something that can be seen, observed? I think your haiku would be stronger by using a concrete, observable verb such as swims, lurks, etc. The name of the fish already conjure up images of the shark being ghastly and menacing.
My rating is based on the use of haunts as an abstraction. Please let me know if you make edits and I'll be glad to return and review again.
Respectfully,
Ray
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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No, worries.
I won't be changing it.
Respectfully too,
~Dean
