Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "haiku--cold sparrow shivers"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
11 total reviews
Comment from FxstsLisa
I like how you got the idea after seeing the sparrow. I think we get so busy in our lives and forget to stop and notice things like this. I had a sparrow on my fence the other day that was chirping and looking at me as if he was talking to me. Loved your poem that told a short story, Excellent work!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
  |
I like how you got the idea after seeing the sparrow. I think we get so busy in our lives and forget to stop and notice things like this. I had a sparrow on my fence the other day that was chirping and looking at me as if he was talking to me. Loved your poem that told a short story, Excellent work!
Comment Written 01-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
-
Thank you for your review and for noticing that sparrow on your fence. I am training myself to notice small things more. haiku ideas are all around us. Thank you for your review.
Comment from robyn corum
HUZZAH! Once again, I'm sending you BIG hugs! You have no idea how hard it is to try to figure out WHO has posted for the challenge and then dig into their portfolios! God bless you! Hugs-
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
|
HUZZAH! Once again, I'm sending you BIG hugs! You have no idea how hard it is to try to figure out WHO has posted for the challenge and then dig into their portfolios! God bless you! Hugs-
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
-
Yes, Robyn, the book makes finding our haiku so much easier. I found haiku I have never read before. Thank you for your review and God bless you, too.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
this haiku makes me want to cry ... poor little thing and the picture is endearing and so sad. awesome concrete imaging
cold sparrow shivers 5
upon muddy welcome mat 7
closed door awaits spring 5
cold sparrow shivers upon muddy welcome mat --
closed door awaits spring
the phrase is very well connected and clear, the satori is sad and cruel ... I had times when I was left out in the cold, I know what it feels like. that is the point of haiku
thank you, Andre
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
|
this haiku makes me want to cry ... poor little thing and the picture is endearing and so sad. awesome concrete imaging
cold sparrow shivers 5
upon muddy welcome mat 7
closed door awaits spring 5
cold sparrow shivers upon muddy welcome mat --
closed door awaits spring
the phrase is very well connected and clear, the satori is sad and cruel ... I had times when I was left out in the cold, I know what it feels like. that is the point of haiku
thank you, Andre
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
-
And thank you, Robyn, for showing me how to post to the Haiku Club Challenge Book! I reposted two of my earlier ones so far and will repost #2 and #4. I will write a replacement earth haiku for the one I wrote about worms.
Yes, the satori is sad and cruel. One reviewer spoke how the poor, the homeless, and other marginalized groups are left out in the cold on a muddy welcome mat outside of a closed door. I did not intend my haiku to be political, but it struck a nerve with people.
Thank you for your review and support.
-
Im Gypsy, not Robyn
-
Sorry, Gypsy. My bad.
-
lol no worries, andre, i have done that before :)
Comment from Grasshopper2
Andre,
I am a slave to alliteration and imagism and while some (ahem..) may nay say prepositions and gerunds in haiku (not ME, of course) this is an excellent haiku. I applaud you for immediately laughing at me with a preposition in a recent review from you. I do not know WHO (or is whom?) put it there. But since you set the tone, I will be a comrade in arms in rebellion with you to use prepositions when and where ever we want. Haiku is just the start. Raised fists squeezing the word preposition as out banner. You will be the Grand Pooh Pa of the movement and must design a beret we wear whenever we boldly use prepositions.
You in?
Michael
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
|
Andre,
I am a slave to alliteration and imagism and while some (ahem..) may nay say prepositions and gerunds in haiku (not ME, of course) this is an excellent haiku. I applaud you for immediately laughing at me with a preposition in a recent review from you. I do not know WHO (or is whom?) put it there. But since you set the tone, I will be a comrade in arms in rebellion with you to use prepositions when and where ever we want. Haiku is just the start. Raised fists squeezing the word preposition as out banner. You will be the Grand Pooh Pa of the movement and must design a beret we wear whenever we boldly use prepositions.
You in?
Michael
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
-
Yes, Michael, I am wearing my black beret now. I'm in and will be your comrade in arms in this battle. Thank you for your manifesto.
-
I just want to read what you write. Take care. Club meets tonight at 8 if you can drop in. Take care.
-
I'm taking a Voice for Performers Class at the Repertory School of Theatre Arts for the next four weeks, but I will be back after that. Cheers.
-
I will miss your writings. But, what a great opportunity for you! Cheers back at you.
-
Oh, no, Michael, I plan to keep posting haiku despite of the class. I am thinking about our next subject fish now.
-
Most excellent news. I misunderstood. I, too, am thinking (oops, that's a pesky gerund) about fish. Cheers!
Comment from Luna
I like this haiku, Sis Cat. I can just feel the sparrow shivering as I hate the cold also. I also hate to shiver. You had a good choice of words, and the presentation is very nice. Good Job!
Love 'n Light,
luna
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
|
I like this haiku, Sis Cat. I can just feel the sparrow shivering as I hate the cold also. I also hate to shiver. You had a good choice of words, and the presentation is very nice. Good Job!
Love 'n Light,
luna
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
-
Thank you, Luna, for your review. I am glad my word choice resonated with you.
Comment from Mastery
I am having dejevous here or something, Andre. I could swear I already read and reviewed this Haiku. LOL. At any rate, it certainly is one of the best I have read on this site. It deserves six stars, but alas I have none left. I think I already gave you one for anoter piece, didn't I. (getting old is a bitch, my friend) Blessings. Bob
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
|
I am having dejevous here or something, Andre. I could swear I already read and reviewed this Haiku. LOL. At any rate, it certainly is one of the best I have read on this site. It deserves six stars, but alas I have none left. I think I already gave you one for anoter piece, didn't I. (getting old is a bitch, my friend) Blessings. Bob
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
-
Yes, Bob, you already reviewed this. My haiku friends are trying to publish a book of our haiku. Only those haiku posted in the book will be considered for publication. I have to repost this poem back in the book. I am reposting two more into the book later. Thank you for your review deja vous.
-
Okee dokee. :) Bob
Comment from RGstar
I am trying to understand the relevance of posting twice in order for it to get into the book. Are you not just included if you take par? Probably the more prominent ones by who so deems rather than what we outside of it think. Does it have to have a certain amount of reviews to get into the book? It would seem difficult to review again the same thing with new words for the thoughts reflected. If any conciliation, I think this is a good one and should be included.
My best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
|
I am trying to understand the relevance of posting twice in order for it to get into the book. Are you not just included if you take par? Probably the more prominent ones by who so deems rather than what we outside of it think. Does it have to have a certain amount of reviews to get into the book? It would seem difficult to review again the same thing with new words for the thoughts reflected. If any conciliation, I think this is a good one and should be included.
My best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
-
Yes, RG, this haiku book project evolved. First, I only had to post my haiku and say Haiku Book Club Challenge. Now our members say, "Only those haiku published within the book will be considered." So I reposted two of my haiku within the book. This is a good idea. So many people are writing haiku now, that it would be hard for editors to find all of the haiku on FanStory, but if the editor goes to the book, all haiku under consideration are there. Gypsy told me that my haiku is so good that they should be included in the book. So I repost. Thank you for your patience and encouragement.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Aw, poor little fellow.
Perhaps the homeowners ought to just let him in, despite all the superstitious nonsense about it being bad luck to have a bird in your house. If that were true, everyone who owns, parrots, parakeets, cockatoo and the like would be doomed, LOL.
You know, many feel left out in the cold and shut out by society for many reasons. Muslims, blacks, Hispanics... It isn't fair nor is it EVER right to make pariahs of people simply because of their race, color, creed, sexual preferences, political viewpoint, religious beliefs, or anything else.
We ALL bleed red when cut, and we ALL cry bitter tears when hurt.
Most important of all, we are ALL God's children.
Nice haiku, Andre, well-suited to the challenge.
~Dean
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
|
Aw, poor little fellow.
Perhaps the homeowners ought to just let him in, despite all the superstitious nonsense about it being bad luck to have a bird in your house. If that were true, everyone who owns, parrots, parakeets, cockatoo and the like would be doomed, LOL.
You know, many feel left out in the cold and shut out by society for many reasons. Muslims, blacks, Hispanics... It isn't fair nor is it EVER right to make pariahs of people simply because of their race, color, creed, sexual preferences, political viewpoint, religious beliefs, or anything else.
We ALL bleed red when cut, and we ALL cry bitter tears when hurt.
Most important of all, we are ALL God's children.
Nice haiku, Andre, well-suited to the challenge.
~Dean
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
-
Thank you, Dean, for your review and observations. Other reviewers have pointed out that many in society are shut out in the cold and given a muddy welcome mat. While I did not intend to write a political or social haiku, I welcome this interpretation. I am glad you found my haiku well-suited to the challenge.
-
You're more than welcome, my friend. It's always a pleasure.
~Dean
Comment from DR DIP
I thought this one seemed familiar Sis
You know it's funny but I am appreciating it more the second time around lol
I don't know why I just seeing more into it.
Your 3 lines actually say a lot of the situation the sparrow is in sit warm inside
He sits outside freezing whilst the humans sit warm inside waiting for the ensuing Spring
dip
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
|
I thought this one seemed familiar Sis
You know it's funny but I am appreciating it more the second time around lol
I don't know why I just seeing more into it.
Your 3 lines actually say a lot of the situation the sparrow is in sit warm inside
He sits outside freezing whilst the humans sit warm inside waiting for the ensuing Spring
dip
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
-
Yes, Dip, I notice that, too. When I look at a haiku a second time I see more into it, and it can really grow on me. Thank you for taking a second look.
Comment from nomi338
There is great symbolism in the words of this poem. The bible says that a sparrow is considered to be of little worth. She sits on a cold and muddy welcome mat outside a door that denies her entry. Many people in America, Blacks, Hispanics, LGBTQ members. We stand on a cold and muddy welcome mat outside a door of inclusion that denies us entry. Awesome
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
|
There is great symbolism in the words of this poem. The bible says that a sparrow is considered to be of little worth. She sits on a cold and muddy welcome mat outside a door that denies her entry. Many people in America, Blacks, Hispanics, LGBTQ members. We stand on a cold and muddy welcome mat outside a door of inclusion that denies us entry. Awesome
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
-
Yes, nomi338, thank you for reminding me of what the Bible says about sparrows. Yes, nomi338, "Many people in America . . . stand on a cold and muddy welcome mat outside a door of inclusion that denies us entry." Thank you for your review.
