Luna's Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Music"a place to gather my poetic forms
45 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is a lovely poem, Jeni, it's a poem in a song, and so musical in sound when read aloud. I love music, and your passion for it shows in this piece of poetry. ~Well done, it was a pleasure to read. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
  |
This is a lovely poem, Jeni, it's a poem in a song, and so musical in sound when read aloud. I love music, and your passion for it shows in this piece of poetry. ~Well done, it was a pleasure to read. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
-
Thanks! I'm happy that you enjoyed this poem. I appreciate your review.
love and light,
jeni
Comment from nomi338
Music is the perfect vehicle to travel to the stars, beyond and back again. Music does indeed take you anywhere. When you are sad music can make you smile with pleasure. When you are happy music can make you feel so euphoric that you just want to kick up your heels and dance. Yes, music does indeed take you any and everywhere.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
|
Music is the perfect vehicle to travel to the stars, beyond and back again. Music does indeed take you anywhere. When you are sad music can make you smile with pleasure. When you are happy music can make you feel so euphoric that you just want to kick up your heels and dance. Yes, music does indeed take you any and everywhere.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
-
Thanks! I'm happy that you enjoyed this poem. I appreciate your review.
love and light,
jeni
Comment from fimarie78
I am passionate about music, so I read this with great interest. Some lovely rhyming throughout. Especially unusual half rhymes, repertoire and guitar, stylish and languish. The last two lines of the first stanza didn't read well to me. Perhaps you could exchange the two lines and say my worries, which carries on the 'my' idea and eliminates the broken sentence.
my waterfall, blue and stylish
my worries, for hours I languish
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
|
I am passionate about music, so I read this with great interest. Some lovely rhyming throughout. Especially unusual half rhymes, repertoire and guitar, stylish and languish. The last two lines of the first stanza didn't read well to me. Perhaps you could exchange the two lines and say my worries, which carries on the 'my' idea and eliminates the broken sentence.
my waterfall, blue and stylish
my worries, for hours I languish
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
-
Thanks! I'm happy that you enjoyed this poem. I appreciate your review. I appreciate the suggestion!
love and light,
jeni
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
My lover plays his repertoire
of music for me on guitar.
My music takes me anywhere,
Most beautiful songfests we share.
When John sang "Lucy in the Sky,"
I felt it and said, "Why not I?"
Began to write just then and there,
my music takes me anywhere.
Jeni - I thoroughly enjoyed this poem of yours - you find such joy in your music and it shows through your words - makes the reader feel it - the words, rhythme and rhyme flowing smoothly throughout.
Margaret
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
|
My lover plays his repertoire
of music for me on guitar.
My music takes me anywhere,
Most beautiful songfests we share.
When John sang "Lucy in the Sky,"
I felt it and said, "Why not I?"
Began to write just then and there,
my music takes me anywhere.
Jeni - I thoroughly enjoyed this poem of yours - you find such joy in your music and it shows through your words - makes the reader feel it - the words, rhythme and rhyme flowing smoothly throughout.
Margaret
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
-
Thank you so much, Margaret. I truly am happy that you enjoyed this poem. Thank you for your gracious review.
Comment from djeckert
This is a fun, fine little ode to the power of music, or even our "music", Music used to be the biggest thing in my world, perhaps I have let go a little too much to it. Thanks for reminding me of its old "power". God surely blesses
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
|
This is a fun, fine little ode to the power of music, or even our "music", Music used to be the biggest thing in my world, perhaps I have let go a little too much to it. Thanks for reminding me of its old "power". God surely blesses
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
-
Thanks! I'm happy that you enjoyed this poem. I appreciate your review.
love and light,
jeni
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Luna - this is a lovely poem with good aabb, etc rhyme scheme. Lovely words and I am in total agreement. Music, of all the arts, has to be the one that stirs and moves us the most - sometimes to tears. Enjoyable read, well written. Warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
|
Hi Luna - this is a lovely poem with good aabb, etc rhyme scheme. Lovely words and I am in total agreement. Music, of all the arts, has to be the one that stirs and moves us the most - sometimes to tears. Enjoyable read, well written. Warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
-
Thanks! I'm happy that you enjoyed this poem. I appreciate your review.
love and light,
jeni
Comment from crybry67
I agree with you, music takes us to places both near and far. I especially like the last verse of this piece.
I might suggest changing 'songfests' to 'lovesongs' or 'the songs' since when I read it, I put emphasis on the first syllable of songfests.
A lovely poem! Blessings.. Christy
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
|
I agree with you, music takes us to places both near and far. I especially like the last verse of this piece.
I might suggest changing 'songfests' to 'lovesongs' or 'the songs' since when I read it, I put emphasis on the first syllable of songfests.
A lovely poem! Blessings.. Christy
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
-
Thanks Christy and that is a good suggestion. I appreciate you, as I know that you know!
Love,
jeni
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem tells the effect of music. It can inspire as well as take you to places you haven't been. It can also change or deepen your mood.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
|
This poem tells the effect of music. It can inspire as well as take you to places you haven't been. It can also change or deepen your mood.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
-
Thanks! I'm happy that you enjoyed this poem. I appreciate your review.
love and light,
jeni
-
You're welcome. I did.
Same to you.
Joan
Comment from ProSongwriter
Hi Jeni,
this one caught my attention as I am a professional songwriter/composer/musician/vocalist. I've been in the music business since 1963 ... yep, I'm that old!
I enjoyed this very much. Like it does you, music transcends almost every phase of my life. it seems almost everything can be tied, directly or indirectly, to music.
I enjoyed this a lot. You fully related how music can take us wherever we want to be, whenever we want to go there. Music has put a lot of bread on my table and allowed me to do many things most folks will never have the opportunity to experience.
Thank you for embellishing my craft so others might come to enjoy the fruit of our labor. I am delighted you posted this!
Wishing you well,
Alan
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
|
Hi Jeni,
this one caught my attention as I am a professional songwriter/composer/musician/vocalist. I've been in the music business since 1963 ... yep, I'm that old!
I enjoyed this very much. Like it does you, music transcends almost every phase of my life. it seems almost everything can be tied, directly or indirectly, to music.
I enjoyed this a lot. You fully related how music can take us wherever we want to be, whenever we want to go there. Music has put a lot of bread on my table and allowed me to do many things most folks will never have the opportunity to experience.
Thank you for embellishing my craft so others might come to enjoy the fruit of our labor. I am delighted you posted this!
Wishing you well,
Alan
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
-
I'm touched by this review, Alan. '63 yer not that much older than I, my friend! I fanned you so that I can read some of the things that you write.
love and light,
jeni
-
Hi Jeni,
Actually, I'm 70 years old (will be on March 22nd). I started in the music business in 1963. I'll be posting new material this weekend ... I've been away from the site for almost a year. I'm going to try to post two novels concurrently. We'll see how that works! And I'll be fanning you, too. Best to you,
Alan
Comment from Ogden
Hi Jeni -
I think I might be able to help right the ship a bit with a few suggestions.
For starters -
The fourth line in the third stanza doesn't ring true to me, and the syllable count and meter aren't compatible with "My music takes me anywhere. Hows about using some alliteration, while letting on to what's really going on in your place, and getting back in step with - "Such sensate secrets do we share." (Sensate means experiencing physical sensations.)
I know from reading some of your other work that you're a good writer, so I find it awkward to give my critique of your first stanza, which, of course, should be strong enough for the reader to want to know what you have to say next.
With a little more work, the poem can be much better, and, In my opinion, the first stanza needs to be re-written. Let me explain why I say that.
You intend to extol music as a joyous experience that takes you wherever your imagination goes. Your poem is praiseful of it, but, to me, it takes off in the wrong direction. Your "waterfall, blue and stylish," doesn't work at all, for no less than four reasons.
"Waterfall" doesn't appear to be a metaphor for anything apparent, "stylish," as a descriptive word for "waterfall," doesn't work for the reader without help from the writer, and "stylish" and "languish," both, as I see it, detrimental to the stanza, don't provide the needed rhyme. "Ships" and "waterfalls" aren't in the same location in life, and clash as metaphors in the stanza. "Languish" is a negative word, meaning you are unhappily wasting your time on that "ship."
If you agree, I think you might begin by using the second line to credit music with providing happy, thrilling adventures. This came to mind: "I travel where few others dare"
Maybe scenes of dinosaurs, centaur wars, fictional places, like Oz, Wonderland, witness historical events, for example.
Jeni, I just re-read what I've written, and think it may sound rather pedantic. I hope it can be helpful, anyway, and it hasn't offended you.
Don
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
|
Hi Jeni -
I think I might be able to help right the ship a bit with a few suggestions.
For starters -
The fourth line in the third stanza doesn't ring true to me, and the syllable count and meter aren't compatible with "My music takes me anywhere. Hows about using some alliteration, while letting on to what's really going on in your place, and getting back in step with - "Such sensate secrets do we share." (Sensate means experiencing physical sensations.)
I know from reading some of your other work that you're a good writer, so I find it awkward to give my critique of your first stanza, which, of course, should be strong enough for the reader to want to know what you have to say next.
With a little more work, the poem can be much better, and, In my opinion, the first stanza needs to be re-written. Let me explain why I say that.
You intend to extol music as a joyous experience that takes you wherever your imagination goes. Your poem is praiseful of it, but, to me, it takes off in the wrong direction. Your "waterfall, blue and stylish," doesn't work at all, for no less than four reasons.
"Waterfall" doesn't appear to be a metaphor for anything apparent, "stylish," as a descriptive word for "waterfall," doesn't work for the reader without help from the writer, and "stylish" and "languish," both, as I see it, detrimental to the stanza, don't provide the needed rhyme. "Ships" and "waterfalls" aren't in the same location in life, and clash as metaphors in the stanza. "Languish" is a negative word, meaning you are unhappily wasting your time on that "ship."
If you agree, I think you might begin by using the second line to credit music with providing happy, thrilling adventures. This came to mind: "I travel where few others dare"
Maybe scenes of dinosaurs, centaur wars, fictional places, like Oz, Wonderland, witness historical events, for example.
Jeni, I just re-read what I've written, and think it may sound rather pedantic. I hope it can be helpful, anyway, and it hasn't offended you.
Don
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
-
Don, it hasn't offended me at all; after all, I asked for suggestions in my Author's notes. I thank you very much and hope to hear from you again soon.
Love,
Jeni
