Comment from mountainwriter49

Excellent

Good Morning, MarVal,

Getting back in the saddle this afternoon and plan to start catching up on FS. Note that I didn't say 'caught up!' lol.

I enjoyed your haiku about the owlet. I've never seen one, but would love to. I have always been amazed by the owl.

I admire the short form you've used for this poem--3/4/3. While the 5-7-5 is always appropriate, these shorter syllable ones really force the poet to use word effectiveness and economy.

You've captured an observable moment in time with the owlet ogles and have juxtapositioned two concrete images. The only question I have is does use of 'flirtatiously' personify the owlet?

-Ray

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017

Hello, Ray,

I am so grateful that you read my haiku. I am happy to answer your question.

This haiku is about a little young owl feeling the effects of the mating season. I used the word ''early spring'' to signal that it's the little guy's first experience with love or whatever is the closest thing to owl love. LOL, The word ''flirtatiously' is a playful word meant to make you smile, only in your case it confused you.

You can call it contemporary or desk haiku (I hate the latter term) but basically, it is a haiku. Modern haiku reflects modern culture and people. I am a modern girl, not a Japanese girl dead for 300 years. To expect haiku to remain the same for over 300 years is not realistic. Haiku is evolving and adapting to reflect our culture. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with that.

As you know, haiku is visual and intuitive. The essence of haiku is to be brief, insightful, and about nature. I believe I accomplished the 3 main ingredients. There are many rules of haiku and some contradict each other. I am the poet and I chose the rules that fit my style.

I write traditional haiku as well as contemporary and I don't think one is more or less valuable than the other. What is most important to me is that I am expressing my spirit, mind, and soul with other people in a creative way. We, poets, are blessed with the ability to do that, I am grateful for that gift. It makes me happy! Hopefully, I entertain some of my readers in the process.

I am not the only one that feels the way I feel and I am talking about accredited and well-versed haikuist like Yoshitomo Ave, a Japanese teacher. He has a Japanese language master's degree in literature and he is a member of the modern haiku association click here for more info Here is a haiku he wrote and published in the modern haiku association=



I hope this answers your question. Please let me know if it doesn't.

By the way, I just posted a tanka for the site's tanka contest. It is called The Night Closes In. Would you read it and let me know what you think? I value your opinion and I am still learning the form. I love the way you write tanka and haibun.

Thank you, my friend,

MariVal

reply by mountainwriter49 on 18-Jan-2017

Thanks so much, MariVal, for your detailed reply. yes it is helpful. I guess for me, it would be helpful for the poet to make a comment that this is a traditional or contemporary haiku. As you've no doubt guessed, Alvin trained his students in the traditional form, and I've not had a varied training. I should remedy the with one of your classes. I have a few other questions, not out of being argumentative, but out of wanting to learn. I'll PM you. I did read and review your tanka and it is superb.
-Ray

reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017

Okay, Ray, I will add that to the author notes, you make a valid point. :) You are welcomed to ask me questions anytime, my friend.

MariVal

Comment from Grasshopper2

Excellent

Hi Gypsy,
First, your history is one of the dramatic presentations, and this is no exception. The photo, the font, all of the colors...genuinely attractive. Second, your haiku syllable counts of 4 4 3 adhere to the traditional format of short/long/short
haiku form. At just 11 syllables, it is well within the limits of seventeen syllables, or less, which the haiku form needs.

Your first two lines display a clear grammatical connection and reveal detailed imagery in the present tense. The alliteration of O is a nice touch. The haiku is a current observation of a moment in time captured in nature. You show discipline with good choices of words and with a total word count of 5, you display excellent use in word economy.

Your kigo (seasonal reference) of an owlet is in the Japanese Kigo Dictionary online. Your satori is a brief summarization of the phrase which comes in the two earlier lines before it. This is an exceptionally well-written haiku and the owlet is cute!

Blessings,
Grasshopper2

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017

Thank you, my friend blessings to you too. I am grateful for your detailed and genuine review.

Gypsy Sensei

Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow

Excellent

You know the hardest thing I think is to give a long review on haiku. I think you have a great descriptive write here that the reader can see without the help of a picture if there were none, although yours is adorable. One can see those little eyes wanting you to fall in love with them. Nice job.

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017

Hello, excellent review! Thank you, my friend. May joy and serenity fill your day. :)

gypsy buddha hugs

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hola Gitana. This is perhaps the shortest Haiku I have come across yet, but so very expressive. Me gusta mucho. Un abrazo, Ulla:)xxx

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017

hola ulla, como estas? Yo aqui, tirandillo

thank you my friend,

gypsy sensei xoxoxo

Comment from cumulus365

Excellent

My goodness this is so brief! I should try another one with this brevity. I have never heard of ogle before in my entire life probably because I don't read those erotic novels. This is why I like to perfect haiku very much. The style is truly an art form of words instread of drawing. So I found out that ogle is a type of stare- a sensous stare. Line 1 gives that look from the owlet. I enjoy reading these words. Nice alliteration for owlet's eyes. Line 2 tells me that it is flirtatious. I feel the flirty some what goes with the sensous stare. I like the summary for this existence of this babe. Regards, cumulus

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017

thank you, sweetie pie,

gypsy

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I am enjoying your bird haiku series. This tiny 4-4-3 captures the change of seasons and uses alliteration to accentuate the mood. More cheers- Joan

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017

Hello, my friend, don't you love the little guy? LoL I fell in love the second I saw his face. Thank you for reading, Joan, you are very kind.

Gypsy Sensei

Comment from sandy montgomery

Excellent

These bird haiku are incredibly charming. I love your picture and the title of your piece is creative and descriptive. Great image and I love the satori. Thank you for sharing your work.

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017

Thank you, my friend

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

HI Gypsy, what a precious picture....beautiful eyes... I love your sweet poem you...that face could flirt with anyone...and win them over...so very nicely written....love ya Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017

Thank you, Lovely Linda, I luv ya

Gypsy

reply by l.raven on 16-Jan-2017

your so welcome sweet angel...loveeeee xxoo

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

Despite still not having the courage to take on this challenge, I must admit I look forward to each one. Lovely haiku, perfect syllable count, the first two sentences are grammatically connected perfectly, and your ah-ha line is superb. Awesome photo that warmed my heart. So precious.

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017

You don't need a great courage to join the challenge, Shasha, just a desire to write haiku and have fun. :)

Comment from Jim Lorson Sr

Excellent

Great picture that compliments your excellent haiku challenge. I have never seen an owlet even though I lived in the country. Would have enjoyed that.

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017

You are very kind, Jim, I appreciate it very much. :)