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Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author

Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "haiku (hungry chick awaits)"
A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets

26 total reviews 
Comment from brenda bickers
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Hi GBR,
What a cute picture, he is so fluffy.
your kigo is a smooth connection to the two lines and your satori has a aha feeling of what could be on the menu. A perfect syllable count. A really cute Haiku.
Brenda:))x

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2017


reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
    Thank you! It's nice when my friend reviewers get me. LoL You are very kind and I am very grateful to you for taking the time to review my haiku.


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Comment from Sixty70
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Great example of haiku and a stunning photo. The line "nature's spring special" reminds the reader that spring brings new life. While I understand the syllable count requirements, "mama hen" seems redundant to me. I wonder if another word would work instead of "hen."

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2017


reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
    Thank you! It's nice when my friend reviewers get me. LoL You are very kind and I am very grateful to you for taking the time to review my haiku.

    thank you for your feedback about mama. I believe one does not have to have 5/7/5 on the nose. It's okay to have less. I added the word mama on purpose because it's about a baby and his mom. People will react to that more than if I just said hen. Maybe you have to be a woman to get it. hahaha no offense intended.

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reply by Sixty70 on 15-Jan-2017
    Hi Gypsy Blue Rose. I am a woman. My suggestion was to replace the word 'hen'. For instance, Mama Crow would work and keep the 5/7/5 pattern. Hope to see more of your work soon.
Comment from judiverse
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Isn't that a cute little guy in the picture. Mom has quite a task, feeding all those hungry mouths. You bring in the season with your "nature's spring special." Maybe it includes some juicy worms. We hope nothing happens to Mom and that she back safely with whatever food she's found. I can just see those little beaks! judi

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2017


reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
    Thank you! It's nice when my friend reviewers get me. LoL You are very kind and I am very grateful to you for taking the time to review my haiku.


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reply by judiverse on 16-Jan-2017
    You're welcome. Mom's of all persuasions have to feed those hungry mouths. judi
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
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This is a well executed haiku with correct line and syllable count.
hungry chick awaits - concrete imagery invoking a visceral response through "hungry"
while mama hen brings his meal - connects well with line one and enhances the visual
nature's spring special - solid kigo via use of "spring" satori implying a menu of sorts
Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2017


reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
    Thank you, Monica, you are very kind.

    Gypsy


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Comment from kiwisteveh
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You sure that's a chicken chick, and not some baby eagle or something?

As with mist haiku, the crunch is in the final line - here I guess it hangs on the 'spring special' with its suggestion of restaurant chalkboards.

Steve

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2017


reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017 reply by kiwisteveh on 15-Jan-2017
    yep, all baby birds are chicks. But are mama crows called hens?
    Sorry - as with MOST haiku. Since the lettering has worn off my keyboard I tend to switch around my I's and Os. I'm sure a new category called 'mist haiku' would be nice though!
Comment from Douglas Paul
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I think this one is a good observation on a natural event. Your satori is a good insight into the first two lines and provides a good aha moment

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 Comment Written 15-Jan-2017


reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
    Thank you, Douglas, you are very kind and I am grateful for your helpful feedback.

    Gypsy Sensei hugs

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