Comment from Gaye Hemsley

Excellent

Nice Haiku Gypsy. The second line to me has eight syllables.ie
while (1) ma/ma (2) hen (1) brings (1) his(1) meal (1)
Black background goes so well with black chick

Apologizes Gypsy I have also double checked on syllable count of 'meal' you are correct, one syllable Must be be the way we speak down under. Have upgraded the rating

Cheers Gaye

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 Comment Written 18-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017

Hello, Gaye,

meal has one syllable I checked the dictionary and the haiku syllable counter. Your count is incorrect and your ranking of 4 stars is unfair.

hun/gry chick a/waits5
while ma/ma hen brings his meal--7
na/ture's spring spe/cial5

haiku syllable counter

Comment from Grasshopper2

Excellent

First, your history is one of wonderful haiga and haiku presentations, and this is no exception. The photo, the font, all of the colors are genuinely attractive and add to the haiku. Second, your haiku syllable counts of 5 7 5 with a total of 16 syllables, is within the limits of seventeen syllables, or less, which the haiku needs.

Your first two lines display a clear grammatical connection and reveal detailed imagery in the present tense. The haiku is a current observation of a moment in time captured in nature. You show discipline with good choices of words and with a total word count of 12, you display excellent use in word economy. Your kigo (seasonal reference) of hens, chicks, and spring are in the Japanese Kigo Dictionary online. Your satori is a brief summarization of the phrase which comes in the two earlier lines before it.

I have two issues for you to consider.
Here: hungry chick [awaits]
Awaits is when a person waits for an event.
Waits is to stay or delay action until something else happens.
Edited: hungry chick waits

Here: [while] mama hen brings his meal--
Edited: mama hen brings his meal--

Edited:

hungry chick waits
mama hen brings his meal--
nature's spring special

Edited syllable count 4 6 5 = total 15. Total words 11.
This reduces the syllable count without loss of the imagine and better economy of words. If I am wrong, Sensei, I know you will enlighten me and eagerly await.

Blessings,
Grasshopper2

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017

LOL look at you, teaching the teacher... my work is done.

I agree with changing awaits for waits, your suggestion makes sense to me. I don't agree with the second line. Brevity is important but not at the sacrifice of a word you need. The trick is in deciding which words are expendable and which ones are not. To me, the word 'while' is an important transition that connects my phrase and gives it a smoother sound. ''Hungry chick waits mama brings his meal'' is missing that transition and the result is a choppy sound.

Thank you, my friend. I appreciate your strong analysis. I know it took you a long time to read and review all my haiku with so much care and detail.

Gypsy Sensei hugs

Comment from Chrissy710

Excellent

Hi Gypsy, Cute pic and your Haiku was easy to understand and had a good Satori 'Spring special' I am feeding Magpies at the moment and their mumma feed the young ones with my minced steak LOL Cheers Christine

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017

thank you very much, my friend,
gypsy sensei

Comment from Leineco

Excellent

Wonderful dual imagery satori Gypsy! Both the very existence of
spring's newborn life AND the allusion to the meal as a restaurant
blue plate special vie for dominance in the readers mind :-)

Very nicely constructed :-)

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017

Thank you, my friend, you are very kind,