Picture This
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "She's Turned To Stone"poems from Picture This Challenge
39 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Wow, potent poem! Congrats on being nominated. Much deserved (and a contender for my vote).
Excellent crafting of meter and rhyme and fine phonetics (not listing them...just applauding).
I did note a few punctuation suggestions for your kind consdiration:
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One day(,) a drifter wandered into town and looked around--
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He drank to take away the sights,(no ,) and to remove the pain.
He turned around and then he said, "I have a tale to tell,(no ,)
about a world that we once had,(no ,) but now has gone to hell.
"But greed came by and squeezed the world, we took all that we could,(;)
Favorite stanza:
"But greed came by and squeezed the world, we took all that we could,
The more we seized, and less we gave, we never understood--
to take the trees, we'd take the lungs that clean the air we breathe,
And now they're gone, there's nothing left our children to bequeath.
One suggestion to replace the word TAKE so that it is not repeated twice in this line:
to take the trees, we'd take the lungs that clean the air we breathe,
Maybe kill, cut, raze...ah yes, raze works great:
to raze the trees, we'd take the lungs that clean the air we breathe,
Potent closing note.
Powerful poem. Thanks for voicing this crucial perspective...retrospect in advance!
Lvoe,
rd
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
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Wow, potent poem! Congrats on being nominated. Much deserved (and a contender for my vote).
Excellent crafting of meter and rhyme and fine phonetics (not listing them...just applauding).
I did note a few punctuation suggestions for your kind consdiration:
*
One day(,) a drifter wandered into town and looked around--
*
He drank to take away the sights,(no ,) and to remove the pain.
He turned around and then he said, "I have a tale to tell,(no ,)
about a world that we once had,(no ,) but now has gone to hell.
"But greed came by and squeezed the world, we took all that we could,(;)
Favorite stanza:
"But greed came by and squeezed the world, we took all that we could,
The more we seized, and less we gave, we never understood--
to take the trees, we'd take the lungs that clean the air we breathe,
And now they're gone, there's nothing left our children to bequeath.
One suggestion to replace the word TAKE so that it is not repeated twice in this line:
to take the trees, we'd take the lungs that clean the air we breathe,
Maybe kill, cut, raze...ah yes, raze works great:
to raze the trees, we'd take the lungs that clean the air we breathe,
Potent closing note.
Powerful poem. Thanks for voicing this crucial perspective...retrospect in advance!
Lvoe,
rd
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much, Rama, I have made all the grammar corrections, and used the word 'raze' instead of 'take'. Excellent word! Thank you. :)) I'm so pleased you liked this poem that was high praise coming from you, my friend, and I really appreciated it. Big hugs! :) Sandra xxx
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Big hugs to you too! Thanks for your kind reply. So glad you like the word idea! :-)))) Love, rd
Comment from write hand blue
I'm a bit late with this. I like the way you tell the story of a planet stripped of it's clean atmosphere. It's happening now in the rainforests, and there seems to be no end to the wholesale destruction.
The last line tells it all and fits in with the picture, clever and original, this Sandra is the best I've seen...
~Mel~ xxx
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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I'm a bit late with this. I like the way you tell the story of a planet stripped of it's clean atmosphere. It's happening now in the rainforests, and there seems to be no end to the wholesale destruction.
The last line tells it all and fits in with the picture, clever and original, this Sandra is the best I've seen...
~Mel~ xxx
Comment Written 20-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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The way they are destroying the Rain Forest is dreadful, I don't understand why they can't see how bad it is for out planet. Thank you for this really lovely review, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from barkingdog
I'm sorry to be late on reviewing this, Sandra.
It's a marvelous comment on what we are doing to our environment.
Nicely presented in rhyming iambic heptameter. Bravo!
The picture really inspired you to present this traveler's memories.
'"We raped our planet ruthlessly, we stripped her to the bone,
we took the heart from Mother Earth, and now she's turned to stone."'
I fear that this is what could happen if we don't embrace Green Energy.
:) e
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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I'm sorry to be late on reviewing this, Sandra.
It's a marvelous comment on what we are doing to our environment.
Nicely presented in rhyming iambic heptameter. Bravo!
The picture really inspired you to present this traveler's memories.
'"We raped our planet ruthlessly, we stripped her to the bone,
we took the heart from Mother Earth, and now she's turned to stone."'
I fear that this is what could happen if we don't embrace Green Energy.
:) e
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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That's what I think, Ellen. But, I can't seen any major changes happening in the near future. Thank you for the lovely review, my friend. :) Sandra xxxx
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is an amazing write and the best I've read in this category, a winner for me, I thoroughly enjoyed the rhymes and sentiments and there is so much truth in these words, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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This is an amazing write and the best I've read in this category, a winner for me, I thoroughly enjoyed the rhymes and sentiments and there is so much truth in these words, love Dolly x
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Dolly. And welcome to Fanstory! You will enjoy it here, it's a warm friendly place for all styles of writing. I'm so pleased you enjoyed my take on the Picture This challenge, perhaps you'd like to join the group too. It's fun and light-hearted. :) Sandra xx
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Sandra, this is an excellent take on the Picture Challenge. I like that you not only have told a story but one with a moral point to it. My favourite line that reads deep is - to take the trees, we'd take the lungs that clean the air we breathe, - so very well put. This puts my two stanza PC poem to shame. Thank you for sharing yours. ~DD
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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Sandra, this is an excellent take on the Picture Challenge. I like that you not only have told a story but one with a moral point to it. My favourite line that reads deep is - to take the trees, we'd take the lungs that clean the air we breathe, - so very well put. This puts my two stanza PC poem to shame. Thank you for sharing yours. ~DD
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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Aww, I've just read your poem and loved it! Thank you so much for reading my take on the picture, I'm glad you liked it. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Ella25
So deserving that special star..beautiful my friend. You are such a gifted poet, and It is an excellent work. Superbly presented and so to the point as humans destroyed what was given to us with love. This one is my favourite,
"I've been around the world and seen an Earth once plush and green,
Where rivers flowed, and forests grew, and people were not mean.
Where life was good, and people loved, while rain brought life anew,
when stars came out, the moon was bright, as night-time hid the blue."
Well done. With love, Ella
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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So deserving that special star..beautiful my friend. You are such a gifted poet, and It is an excellent work. Superbly presented and so to the point as humans destroyed what was given to us with love. This one is my favourite,
"I've been around the world and seen an Earth once plush and green,
Where rivers flowed, and forests grew, and people were not mean.
Where life was good, and people loved, while rain brought life anew,
when stars came out, the moon was bright, as night-time hid the blue."
Well done. With love, Ella
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Ella! What a lovely review. I'm delighted you enjoyed it. Thank you!! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
We raped our planet ruthlessly, we stripped her to the bone,
we took the heart from Mother Earth, and now she's turned to stone. Wow Sandra. That says it all in one sentence my friend. Wonderful statement. xoxo Nancy
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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We raped our planet ruthlessly, we stripped her to the bone,
we took the heart from Mother Earth, and now she's turned to stone. Wow Sandra. That says it all in one sentence my friend. Wonderful statement. xoxo Nancy
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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Thank you so very much, my dear friend, for the lovely 6 stars and wonderful review. I'm glad you liked it. It took a while to think of something for this picture. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxxx
Comment from frogbook
Ah, my friend-I see the inspiration struck. Great interpretation of the art with a stunningly powerful ending line. In particular I loved the flow and rhyming of the 4th stanza. Grate and original idea.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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Ah, my friend-I see the inspiration struck. Great interpretation of the art with a stunningly powerful ending line. In particular I loved the flow and rhyming of the 4th stanza. Grate and original idea.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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Thank you, my friend, for another of your lovely reviews. I'm so glad you enjoyed my take on the picture. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Abby Wilson-hand
YOU SURE DO KNOW HOW TO CAOTURE
MY ATTENTION IN YOUR WRITING THIS IS A
BEAUTIFUL PEACE YOU SHOULD BE PROUD
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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YOU SURE DO KNOW HOW TO CAOTURE
MY ATTENTION IN YOUR WRITING THIS IS A
BEAUTIFUL PEACE YOU SHOULD BE PROUD
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Abby, for your lovely review. I'm so pleased you enjoyed my take on the Picture This challenge. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Lu Saluna
An excellent poem for this photo. A thought provoking statement, well written and told. I fear it may be prophetic in some ways, the imagery is very vivid and your message profound and powerful. Very well written.
Best wishes, Lu
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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An excellent poem for this photo. A thought provoking statement, well written and told. I fear it may be prophetic in some ways, the imagery is very vivid and your message profound and powerful. Very well written.
Best wishes, Lu
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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Thanks, Lu, I'm glad you liked this take on the picture, it was a real challenge this time! :) Sandra xx
