Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "haiku (a gaggle of geese)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
37 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Love your play on words with this one Dean, very clever. Lovely colourful artwork, I wonder who would be noisier the gaggle of geese or the murder of crows?
Good one,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Love your play on words with this one Dean, very clever. Lovely colourful artwork, I wonder who would be noisier the gaggle of geese or the murder of crows?
Good one,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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I actually witnessed this from my front porch, Pearl. The picture my haiku is superimposed over was taken by me on that very day.
A gathering of crows were eating a deer carcass in a field across from my house. A skein of geese flew over but stopped to see what the crows were so excited about.
A fowl battle took place and the murder won out, running the gaggle of geese off.
They were far, FAR noisier than the geese.
Thanks for the read.
~Dean
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Wow war in nature at first hand.
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Yes, it was pretty amazing to watch. :}
Comment from Grasshopper2
Hi Dean,
First, your history is you create dramatic presentations, and this is no exception. The photo, the font, all of the colors work. Second, your haiku syllable counts of 5 6 5 adhere to the traditional format of short-long-short haiku form. At just 16 syllables, it is well within the limits of seventeen syllables, or less, which the haiku form needs.
Your first two lines display a clear grammatical connection and reveal detailed imagery in the present tense. The haiku is a current observation of a moment in time captured in nature. You show discipline with good choices of words and with a total word count of 13, you display excellent use in word economy.
Your kigo (seasonal reference) of birds in flight is in the Japanese Kigo Dictionary online. The satori is a brief summarization of the phrase which comes in the two earlier lines before it with the excellent play on words about murder. This haiku is an exceptionally well-written poem. I enjoyed working my gray cells even as murder is loud and on-going in the tree outside my window. I think it is the flock of crows from your haiku come to roost. Well done!
Blessings,
Grasshopper2
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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Hi Dean,
First, your history is you create dramatic presentations, and this is no exception. The photo, the font, all of the colors work. Second, your haiku syllable counts of 5 6 5 adhere to the traditional format of short-long-short haiku form. At just 16 syllables, it is well within the limits of seventeen syllables, or less, which the haiku form needs.
Your first two lines display a clear grammatical connection and reveal detailed imagery in the present tense. The haiku is a current observation of a moment in time captured in nature. You show discipline with good choices of words and with a total word count of 13, you display excellent use in word economy.
Your kigo (seasonal reference) of birds in flight is in the Japanese Kigo Dictionary online. The satori is a brief summarization of the phrase which comes in the two earlier lines before it with the excellent play on words about murder. This haiku is an exceptionally well-written poem. I enjoyed working my gray cells even as murder is loud and on-going in the tree outside my window. I think it is the flock of crows from your haiku come to roost. Well done!
Blessings,
Grasshopper2
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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Hahaha, it could very well be the same murder of crows, Michael. It's not too far from Ohio to North Cackalackee, LOL.
Grrrreat review, very in-depth. I'm really glad you "got" the connection to the murder.
Many did not.
Take care, my
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Some of the names of animals are very interesting. I will be at the club hideout at 8 pm.
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Yes, they certainly are, Michael.
I'll be lookin' forward to taklin' with you tonight, then.
~Deano-son :}
Comment from frierajac
I like the concept of a gaggle of geese and was actually just discussing the
various collective nouns for kinds of animals. I relate to the one " murder of crows"
This is an interesting treatment in Haiku.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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I like the concept of a gaggle of geese and was actually just discussing the
various collective nouns for kinds of animals. I relate to the one " murder of crows"
This is an interesting treatment in Haiku.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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Thanks, frierajac!
Comment from Treischel
An awesome conjunction of these two bird species. You adeptly captured the action. I love those two very creative alliteration, even though the Japanese would frown upon one, much less two. Wonderful blended composition. That line about witnessing murder was outstanding.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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An awesome conjunction of these two bird species. You adeptly captured the action. I love those two very creative alliteration, even though the Japanese would frown upon one, much less two. Wonderful blended composition. That line about witnessing murder was outstanding.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Actually, Tom, Japanese haiku has embraced a lot of things in modern times which were considered unacceptable in its early stages. Many contemporary haiku poets today use humanization, gerunds, punctuation, and, last but not least, alliteration.
As a card-carrying member of the HSA (Haiku Society of America), I've come to learn that as long as haiku is a spiritual observation of nature, or mankind's relationship to his natural surroundings, utilizes exceptional word economy, a kigo, or subtle reference to nature, embraces zen philosophy, and brevity is used, you can pretty much toss the old rule books right out the proverbial window.
Thank you very much for reading. As always, it's deeply appreciated.
~Dean
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Good to know, all those old rules are what I have against the format, but then you really are defining the Anglican version known as the 5-7-5 poems. Does this new thinking even include rhyme as well as alliteration? If so, I am pleased.
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No, not "intentional" rhyme, Tom, but I have seen some incidental near rhyming.
Pairings such as "bat" and "attack" for example.
As for contemporary haiku being little more than 5/7/5 poetry; no, not hardly. It must include a kigo, or seasonal reference. Five-seven-five poetry does not, and is also often humorous and witty. Haiku is more of an observation without trying to be clever.
Comment from whizpurr ^-^
Your 'gaggle of geese' poem brought a smile and made me wonder too! Wasn't sure of the connection between the crows and the geese but the story picture it presented to my mind was that the geese paused because the hunters had shot one of the geese in their flock (gaggle) and the crows were waiting to devour it? Am I right? Your well written haiku had an air of mystery about it and I do like puzzles! Thanks for sharing. Warm regards, Aggie
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Your 'gaggle of geese' poem brought a smile and made me wonder too! Wasn't sure of the connection between the crows and the geese but the story picture it presented to my mind was that the geese paused because the hunters had shot one of the geese in their flock (gaggle) and the crows were waiting to devour it? Am I right? Your well written haiku had an air of mystery about it and I do like puzzles! Thanks for sharing. Warm regards, Aggie
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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You're as right as you could possibly be, Aggie, without having witnessed it yourself.
This photo was taken a couple of weeks ago from my front porch.
A skein of geese were flying overhead, and a murder, or "flock", of crows were busily munching on the carcass of a deer which had apparently been struck and killed the evening before. The geese swooped in and the gaggle quickly advanced on the crows to see what the feeding frenzy was about. The crows took flight, the geese investigated, and the crows soon regrouped and swooped back in to reclaim what they obviously felt was theirs.
I observed this fowl frolicking for several minutes as these two species of birds battled back and forth. I ran in, got my notebook, and wrote this haiku. I then superimposed my haiku over my photo, and there you have it; the truest haiku I've written to date.
Thanks for reading.
~Dean
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:-) Thanks for telling the story of the actual happening. An observation directly from nature always makes the best haikus?? haikii?? ever. I remember a few years back writing a haiku after summer night when the moon was shining bright watching a mama skunk followed by a long single file line of no less than 10 baby skunks and I felt that was the best haiku I ever wrote. :-) It was such a fun watch! Looking forward to reading more of your haikii :-)
Comment from country ranch writer
crows are bad news to begin with and always mean trouble when the show up the geese had to witness their carnage as the crows did their thing
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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crows are bad news to begin with and always mean trouble when the show up the geese had to witness their carnage as the crows did their thing
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Yes, crows can be a nuisance at times, CRW, especially to the farmers around here who grow corn.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this haiku.
~Dean
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hugs
Comment from Douglas Paul
I understand this one since we talked about it, but I wonder if it woud make sense otherwise. Maybe you could say what was murdered
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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I understand this one since we talked about it, but I wonder if it woud make sense otherwise. Maybe you could say what was murdered
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Thank you for reading, Doug.
Best wishes,
~Dean
Comment from Bill Schott
This haiku, Gaggle of Geese, features a fun play on bird words to associate 'witness' and 'murder' with the interestingly named formations. Unless you left it out intentionally, the second line could use an 'a'. There is room for it.
Happy day.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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This haiku, Gaggle of Geese, features a fun play on bird words to associate 'witness' and 'murder' with the interestingly named formations. Unless you left it out intentionally, the second line could use an 'a'. There is room for it.
Happy day.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Thanks you, Bill. I'm glad you noticed the word play here.
Take care,
~Dean
Comment from krys123
Greetings, Dean;
-I can see this really happening were a bunch of crows and a gaggle of geese come had to had her eye to eye with each other. This definitely could turn out to be a murderous situation.
-Two very grammatically and dramatically connected lines with great imagery that is vividly descriptive and definitively expressive.
-This third line "tree limb teem with crows" reminds me of Alfred Hitchcock movie The Birds and the sound in the background is very relevant to that movie and to your haiku.
-Thanks for sharing and take care and have a good one my friend.
Alex
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Greetings, Dean;
-I can see this really happening were a bunch of crows and a gaggle of geese come had to had her eye to eye with each other. This definitely could turn out to be a murderous situation.
-Two very grammatically and dramatically connected lines with great imagery that is vividly descriptive and definitively expressive.
-This third line "tree limb teem with crows" reminds me of Alfred Hitchcock movie The Birds and the sound in the background is very relevant to that movie and to your haiku.
-Thanks for sharing and take care and have a good one my friend.
Alex
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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You're right, the geese had already landed to see what the murder of crows were eating, Alex.
You see, the photo my haiku is superimposed on was taken right from my front porch just about a week ago when it was still warm outside.
There were a bunch of geese flying over the big field just off to the right of my house, and crows were eating the carcass of a deer that had been struck by a car the past night.
The geese began gliding in to inspect what it was all of the crows were so interested in.
I ran to my room and wrote this down immediately!
But, I forgot all about it until I saw it in my notebook last night.
Oh well...better late than never, right, LOL?
Standard English makes many odd references to certain groups of animals. There's a crash of rhinos, a mischief of mice, and a puddling of ducks and of course a murder of crows.
There are several different explanations for the origin of this term, mostly based on old folk tales and superstitions :
For instance, there is a folktale that crows will gather and decide the capital fate of another crow.
Many view the appearance of crows as an omen of death because ravens and crows are scavengers and are generally associated with dead bodies, battlefields, and cemeteries, and they're thought to circle in large numbers above sites where animals or people are expected to soon die.
But the term "murder of crows" mostly reflects a time when groupings of many animals had colorful and poetic names.
Thanks again for your review.
Take care, my friend.
~Dean
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Dean; thank you so much for a very intensive reply and an interesting one at that. I truly enjoyed reading all of it as it really fulfills many of my understanding of the situations of a group of animals. Thanks again my friend and also you are very welcome.
Alex
Comment from rtobaygo
Good afternoon
You've got me here. I'm stumped regarding the message. I know crows are sometimes associated with death and or evil. I think it's how to link the geese to this unless they're observers.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Good afternoon
You've got me here. I'm stumped regarding the message. I know crows are sometimes associated with death and or evil. I think it's how to link the geese to this unless they're observers.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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You're right, the geese had already landed to see what the murder of crows were eating, Ray. You are aware that a gathering of crows is known as a "murder", are you not?
You see, the photo my haiku is superimposed on was taken right from my front porch just about a week ago when it was still warm outside.
There were a bunch of geese flying over the big field just off to the right of my house, and crows were eating the carcass of a deer that had been struck by a car the past night.
The geese began gliding in to inspect what it was all of the crows were so interested in.
I ran to my room and wrote this down immediately!
But, I forgot all about it until I saw it in my notebook last night.
Oh well...better late than never, right, LOL?
Standard English makes many odd references to certain groups of animals. There's a crash of rhinos, a mischief of mice, and a puddling of ducks and of course a murder of crows.
There are several different explanations for the origin of this term, mostly based on old folk tales and superstitions :
For instance, there is a folktale that crows will gather and decide the capital fate of another crow.
Many view the appearance of crows as an omen of death because ravens and crows are scavengers and are generally associated with dead bodies, battlefields, and cemeteries, and they're thought to circle in large numbers above sites where animals or people are expected to soon die.
But the term "murder of crows" mostly reflects a time when groupings of many animals had colorful and poetic names.
Thanks again for your review.
~Dean
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Hello, Dean
I had no idea a group of crows is called a murder. That's one of the things I like about your post...I continue to expand my horizons.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
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Sure thing, Ray.
You're not alone. A lot of people aren't aware of it.
Thanks again, my friend. :)
