The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 57 "The Battle's End"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
23 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
A good story, but a little far out there. When creatures have the alit to change into anything they want, even a bat who can carry away a bomb, there is no need of a plot. Why not just turn into giant who steps one everyone?
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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A good story, but a little far out there. When creatures have the alit to change into anything they want, even a bat who can carry away a bomb, there is no need of a plot. Why not just turn into giant who steps one everyone?
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Ouch!
It is supposed to be way out there, Thomas, it's fantasy and written for young adults. It teaches lessons, like diversity and courage. I know you've read more of this book than just the final chapter.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, its been a great read and a ride I would do all over again. Great story and great imagery and action throughout.
"What the blaze in there?" = "What's the blaze in there?"
"We'll whatever the cause, I'm am glad = drop 'am'
Great book. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Hi Rhonda, its been a great read and a ride I would do all over again. Great story and great imagery and action throughout.
"What the blaze in there?" = "What's the blaze in there?"
"We'll whatever the cause, I'm am glad = drop 'am'
Great book. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Ulla, for your months of support and reviews on this book. Yes, it's finally finished except for all the finalizing that will take a while. I'll keep y'all updated.
I appreciate the six star rating. Such a wonderful way to close the book.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from rspoet
Not having been on the site much recently,
I seem to have either missed a chapter or gotten one out of sequence
so I went back and read Boiler Room before the Battle's End
You have certainly concluded the Daredevil story with flare and excitement
suspending time is a neat trick, never underestimate a leprechaun
Changing the positions of fighters and weapons, replacing swords with pencils
sounds like perfect fun, young readers will love it
The addition of the humorous play between Akie and Sean
lightens the intensity nicely.
A few points:
"What the blaze's [is] in there?" Sean asked. (sounds better to me)
"Why aren't the rest of the mummies frozen?" Becky asked.
(not sure if you want all the mummies free or just Akie) Why are...?
Good summary and conclusion wraps up the story very nicely
highlighting the main characters and heroes.
I think Nancy will be a fine principal!
Well done on all counts.
Exception book!
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Not having been on the site much recently,
I seem to have either missed a chapter or gotten one out of sequence
so I went back and read Boiler Room before the Battle's End
You have certainly concluded the Daredevil story with flare and excitement
suspending time is a neat trick, never underestimate a leprechaun
Changing the positions of fighters and weapons, replacing swords with pencils
sounds like perfect fun, young readers will love it
The addition of the humorous play between Akie and Sean
lightens the intensity nicely.
A few points:
"What the blaze's [is] in there?" Sean asked. (sounds better to me)
"Why aren't the rest of the mummies frozen?" Becky asked.
(not sure if you want all the mummies free or just Akie) Why are...?
Good summary and conclusion wraps up the story very nicely
highlighting the main characters and heroes.
I think Nancy will be a fine principal!
Well done on all counts.
Exception book!
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Thank you, my friend. You are one of the few who have been with this story from the first chapter. Your unending comments and support have been so important to me. Thank you for the six stars, and thank you for always being there.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Somehow, I missed the boiler room chapter, Rhonda, but just wanted to tell you it was very good.
-I was surprised to see the ending.
-It is appropriate that Emory Settler is featured as having done all the organization to bring this story to a close in a peaceful way.
-I like the interplay between Becky and Sean in this scene.
-Of course, Sean had to work his magic in order to get the bomb out of there.
-I like the addition of humor, as well.
-Sean did a good job and the others were instructed they would be "Changing the fortunes of battle."
-We learn many things in the 'epilogue' piece that should now bring much needed peace to the school and community.
-I wonder if the many who helped would see each other any more or if they just go back to where and what they were?
-Good job, Rhonda, you should be proud. I'll have to see what the sequel is all about.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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-Somehow, I missed the boiler room chapter, Rhonda, but just wanted to tell you it was very good.
-I was surprised to see the ending.
-It is appropriate that Emory Settler is featured as having done all the organization to bring this story to a close in a peaceful way.
-I like the interplay between Becky and Sean in this scene.
-Of course, Sean had to work his magic in order to get the bomb out of there.
-I like the addition of humor, as well.
-Sean did a good job and the others were instructed they would be "Changing the fortunes of battle."
-We learn many things in the 'epilogue' piece that should now bring much needed peace to the school and community.
-I wonder if the many who helped would see each other any more or if they just go back to where and what they were?
-Good job, Rhonda, you should be proud. I'll have to see what the sequel is all about.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Pam, for the six star rating, and all the others that have gone before it! Thank you for your help on grammar, structure and advice.
You've done a lot to help me and "the Girls". Yes, life will go on with these people. Sean and Jerry play a big part in the sequel, and the Daredevil Friends will become more important. It's still under contract with another publisher, so I can rewrite it, but it was in better shape than the original. Still, you'll find a lot of the mistakes I would make in this book appear in the sequel. If you send me your address, I'll be happy to send you a copy!
Take care,
Rhonda
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You are always welcome and deserving of the review, stars, and advice, Rhonda. It has been a good journey. Thanks for sharing about the sequel.
Comment from F. Wehr3
Good work on finishing your book. I enjoyed it, and I found it entertaining. I guess I'll have to check out the other book. The best to you.
hinchmen --Henchmen
manikin-like students--mannequin?
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Good work on finishing your book. I enjoyed it, and I found it entertaining. I guess I'll have to check out the other book. The best to you.
hinchmen --Henchmen
manikin-like students--mannequin?
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Thank you for your help on the misspells. I can't believe spell check didn't catch them. I won't even say me, because I can't spell worth anything.
Thanks for keeping up with the story, and for your wonderful comments. I would be happy for you to read the sequel. Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What the blaze's (is) in there?
out of his ancient, but well muscled[,] chest. - lose comma
Rhonda I've noticed you overly-use the word "said" - might I suggest you break it up a bit.
i.e - "How do we tell the good-guys from the bad ones?" QUESTIONED Becky.
"He doesn't seem much of a coward from where I stand," Sean REMARKED
"Yes, he does," Akie AGREED, "and at this moment,
Agreed - questioned - implied - expressed - objected - protested - scoffed - spoke in quiet consideration - reproached - criticised - warned - countered - suggested - remarked - wanted to know -
Just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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What the blaze's (is) in there?
out of his ancient, but well muscled[,] chest. - lose comma
Rhonda I've noticed you overly-use the word "said" - might I suggest you break it up a bit.
i.e - "How do we tell the good-guys from the bad ones?" QUESTIONED Becky.
"He doesn't seem much of a coward from where I stand," Sean REMARKED
"Yes, he does," Akie AGREED, "and at this moment,
Agreed - questioned - implied - expressed - objected - protested - scoffed - spoke in quiet consideration - reproached - criticised - warned - countered - suggested - remarked - wanted to know -
Just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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That's what I used to do, but was criticized swing you are supposed to use said for almost everything so the speech tag all but melts into the conversation.
I was do GED on it by several people, and my inclination and history of writing is to do what you said.
Also, another question. I used to use "towards" and I noticed you do, too, but was dinged for that as well, being told it is "toward". What is your opinion?
Thanks for the lovely review,
Rhonda
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Lost in a fantasy world of treacherous forces, good fighting evil and escaping danger. A well written snippet of a story which I very much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Lost in a fantasy world of treacherous forces, good fighting evil and escaping danger. A well written snippet of a story which I very much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Dolly. You're support and comments are very important.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from royowen
An excellent series Rhonda, as all your stories are! They have defeated the witches and other "nasties", with the considerable help of all the other allies, recruited by a wounded Emory Settler and one or two cohorts, this is the end of this epic, but there are others in the pipeline. Nancy would like to "retire", but of course, won't! Well done, I would love to give six, but you know the story..."ain't got nun" blessings, my friend.
Typo : (hinchman).werewolves. Henchmen? 2: I'm (am) glad it didn't work.
3: what the blaze('s) in there? Blazes is?
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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An excellent series Rhonda, as all your stories are! They have defeated the witches and other "nasties", with the considerable help of all the other allies, recruited by a wounded Emory Settler and one or two cohorts, this is the end of this epic, but there are others in the pipeline. Nancy would like to "retire", but of course, won't! Well done, I would love to give six, but you know the story..."ain't got nun" blessings, my friend.
Typo : (hinchman).werewolves. Henchmen? 2: I'm (am) glad it didn't work.
3: what the blaze('s) in there? Blazes is?
Comment Written 14-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Roy!
You've been with this story from the first chapter, and have helped me each step along the way.
Yeah, poor Nancy may never get a chance to escape the supernatural world with all it's ups and downs. The sequel explains why.
Thank you, again, my friend!!
Rhonda
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Always my pleasure Rhonda,,
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Rhonda,
A fine and fitting conclusion to the piece here
I still think you should consider accompanying some of the dialogue with actions during that first spattering of conversation.
re-position - reposition.
with no more than tooth and strength a hulking mummy king - need some punctuation after strength.
A whole new generation of of Daredevils - delete an 'of' here.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Hi Rhonda,
A fine and fitting conclusion to the piece here
I still think you should consider accompanying some of the dialogue with actions during that first spattering of conversation.
re-position - reposition.
with no more than tooth and strength a hulking mummy king - need some punctuation after strength.
A whole new generation of of Daredevils - delete an 'of' here.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much for all you've done to help with this book. I can't believe it's finally done. Just right at one year...
I really appreciate your help.
And now, on to the Humanity Project.
Again, thank you,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Quite the good story, Rhonda, so all hell ended well, huh? I must applaud you electronically for sticking it out--my problem is that by page two, I'm looking for an ending--NOT a good trait for a writer!
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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Quite the good story, Rhonda, so all hell ended well, huh? I must applaud you electronically for sticking it out--my problem is that by page two, I'm looking for an ending--NOT a good trait for a writer!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2017
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You and I have opposite problems. I tend to go on and on, having to force myself to cut our repetitive ideas and phrases, etc, all the extra stuff I put in.
Thanks for hanging in there with me!
Rhonda
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When I first started writing, every other word was a swear word--I though that made it funnier, but all it did was to make it crap!
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Funny! Live and learn!
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Unfortunately, I floundered around wasting both time and ink for years, until I came to realize it--and I still use prophylactics--err--profanity in much smaller doses!
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Too funny, my friend!!
