Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Night Begins-part 2"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
28 total reviews
Comment from mbroyles2
It's always nice to have someone who knows about explosives if you're going to try and escape. Even if he is "very old."
I wish Koko and Archie luck, but I'm afraid there's a glitch coming up when he finds about Todd.
Really enjoying this.
Michael
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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It's always nice to have someone who knows about explosives if you're going to try and escape. Even if he is "very old."
I wish Koko and Archie luck, but I'm afraid there's a glitch coming up when he finds about Todd.
Really enjoying this.
Michael
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Michael.
There will be a few glitches, and a whole lot of struggle ahead for these three.
Thanks for reading and commenting,
Rhonda
Comment from TheWriteTeach
Another good chapter, Rhonda. You are doing an excellent job of building the tension. I'm already worrying about the big escape - will they make it, will they be caught, if so, what will the consequences be? You stopped at just the right place to ensure the readers will come back!
I noticed a couple of things:
My father definitely needs to know what's going. (Can't tell if you wrote it on purpose or if you are missing a word at the end of the sentence.)
Hokee until the miners {were} safe. (The word 'were' should be 'are.' Miners is a collective noun, naming a group of people. It is confusing because it is plural, but you are talking about miners as a group - one group, not individual people.)
Nice job with this. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Another good chapter, Rhonda. You are doing an excellent job of building the tension. I'm already worrying about the big escape - will they make it, will they be caught, if so, what will the consequences be? You stopped at just the right place to ensure the readers will come back!
I noticed a couple of things:
My father definitely needs to know what's going. (Can't tell if you wrote it on purpose or if you are missing a word at the end of the sentence.)
Hokee until the miners {were} safe. (The word 'were' should be 'are.' Miners is a collective noun, naming a group of people. It is confusing because it is plural, but you are talking about miners as a group - one group, not individual people.)
Nice job with this. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Suzanne
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much for catching the mistakes. The first one was the result of a revision on that line. The other was one I had gone back and forth on, and was glad you clarified it.
I tried to build the ending as a hook for the next chapter, but wasn't sure if it was strong enough. Now I know, thanks. Next chapter will have us in the thick of things, which is where I started to begin this chapter, but decided on a little more background info.
As always, thank you so very much,
Rhonda
Comment from CEO2020
Hi.
You showed your skill in dialogue with this chapter, which I found exceptional. You carried the chapter on dialogue alone with a pinch of narrative to bring home the imagery during the conversation. Brilliantly crafted.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Hi.
You showed your skill in dialogue with this chapter, which I found exceptional. You carried the chapter on dialogue alone with a pinch of narrative to bring home the imagery during the conversation. Brilliantly crafted.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, my friend!
Always lots of dialogue, and that's mostly because I don't know any other way to do it. I get bored writing long passages, though I like to read it.
I appreciate the six stars!! Heartwarming, I assure you.
So, when is your next book??
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. I'm enjoying this story you wrote. It is very interesting and I can't wait to read more. I hope they make their escape but I'm sure you won't make it easy for them. LOL
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Excellent. I'm enjoying this story you wrote. It is very interesting and I can't wait to read more. I hope they make their escape but I'm sure you won't make it easy for them. LOL
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much for your kind remarks. You're right, nothing is going to come easy for these people. lol.
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda--and kind of a cryptic ending, I don't think I'm going to like this, either that, or my still being asleep has something to do with it!
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Another fine chapter, Rhonda--and kind of a cryptic ending, I don't think I'm going to like this, either that, or my still being asleep has something to do with it!
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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It'll all be okay....
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Thank, Rhonda--'whew!'
Comment from Dustybones
I like theway you are bringing new characters into tthe story...like Sani, another normal person caught in the web of insanity. Everything is flowing nicely along. Good writing.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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I like theway you are bringing new characters into tthe story...like Sani, another normal person caught in the web of insanity. Everything is flowing nicely along. Good writing.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, but don't count him in as normal. I'm still a sci-fi writer. haha.
I appreciate the review and comment. The good thing about this book, as opposed to the Daredevil Girls, is that there are fewer characters to keep up with, and they are entered slower.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Another well thoughtout and well presented chapter,
Rhonda -Archie(,) do you think I'll make a good - comma
a group of people from a cult-like village called Hokee.
[In Hokee, the people] (The group)are part of an -
Here, might I suggest you lose [bracketed] and (add) as you've already told the readers "the people are in Hokee" in the line above.
Just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
Koko has a lot on her mind.
Margaret
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Another well thoughtout and well presented chapter,
Rhonda -Archie(,) do you think I'll make a good - comma
a group of people from a cult-like village called Hokee.
[In Hokee, the people] (The group)are part of an -
Here, might I suggest you lose [bracketed] and (add) as you've already told the readers "the people are in Hokee" in the line above.
Just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
Koko has a lot on her mind.
Margaret
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, and I always take your comments seriously! Congrats on the sprint win. I was sure hoping you would!
I'll make those changes.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
OH very well written and the interaction again puts us in the midst of the excitement. I find myself actually saying, be careful, to the air. Very good piece of writing
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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OH very well written and the interaction again puts us in the midst of the excitement. I find myself actually saying, be careful, to the air. Very good piece of writing
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Awww, thanks, Barb. That's so funny! I often talk to the air when reading on this site. Thanks for the review and uplifting comments!!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
This an exciting and involving read, it was brilliantly put together and I will be reading the whole story for sure. It is simply fantastic, masterfully written and much liked brilliant, modern, jarring, and outstandingly good.meia :)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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This an exciting and involving read, it was brilliantly put together and I will be reading the whole story for sure. It is simply fantastic, masterfully written and much liked brilliant, modern, jarring, and outstandingly good.meia :)
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Wow, thank you so much. Sounds like a good comment for the back of a book.
You're a sweetheart. Thanks for your support!
Rhonda
Comment from robina1978
This second part of the night begins is even better than the first. Archie and Koko discuss escape plans, which seems to be a sensible idea. But they first have to find Todd. An explosion will divert the attention of their escape.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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This second part of the night begins is even better than the first. Archie and Koko discuss escape plans, which seems to be a sensible idea. But they first have to find Todd. An explosion will divert the attention of their escape.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Robina! Yes, I get people's chapters out of order all the time, especially when the come quickly, which these did. After the whole beginning of the year frenzy, I'll slow it back down.
Have a great day,
Rhonda
