Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Night begins -Part one"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
19 total reviews
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Rhonda, this story is really getting intriguing and quite intense. The dialogue between the characters in this chapter really does keep you story moving along flawlessly. I love how Ayala looks at Archie with some trepidation about what she thinks is his changing in attitude. So many things within this chapter keeps one reading.
Always well written my friend. Hope you enjoy your evening,,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Rhonda, this story is really getting intriguing and quite intense. The dialogue between the characters in this chapter really does keep you story moving along flawlessly. I love how Ayala looks at Archie with some trepidation about what she thinks is his changing in attitude. So many things within this chapter keeps one reading.
Always well written my friend. Hope you enjoy your evening,,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, my dear friend. Your positive comments are so encouraging.
I'm glad the conversation works. It's hard, sometimes, to switch between the formal English of the passages, to conversational in the dialogue. I appreciate the feedback on that!
Take care, and Happy Birthday again!
Rhonda
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. I'm enjoying this story very much. I like the creative ideas you have put into this. It is interesting and each chapter holds my attention from start to finish. Great work.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Excellent. I'm enjoying this story very much. I like the creative ideas you have put into this. It is interesting and each chapter holds my attention from start to finish. Great work.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review and support!
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
It's such a pleasure to read well presented
work that is easy to follow - with good strong
characters and natural conversation.
all in all, most impressive, Rhonda
Margaret
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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It's such a pleasure to read well presented
work that is easy to follow - with good strong
characters and natural conversation.
all in all, most impressive, Rhonda
Margaret
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Wow, Margaret, I'm deeply honored by the six stars. Coming from you, that's a huge recognition. You're my hero!
I'm also so glad you're back in the game. You have been missed.
Take care,
Rhonda
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Only what you deserve, Rhonda - the best I've read on here for some time. I will be easing off now that first race is over - just thought it a bit of a challenge - I'm not aiming to stay lst author - I've six trophies all ready - five for top author and one for second poet - I've set them up high so I can't see the dust on them.
Margaret
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda--and I sure hope Archie and Koko get away--they're surrounded by zombies, otherwise known as Fox News Watchers/Trump Voters!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Another fine chapter, Rhonda--and I sure hope Archie and Koko get away--they're surrounded by zombies, otherwise known as Fox News Watchers/Trump Voters!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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You're so funny, and might be closer to the mark than you think...
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Rhonda,
Good solid continuation of the story here. Archie, the crafty little bugger... lol
was always this underlying edge to him - nothing wrong with this, but I would use 'an' rather than 'this' - to me 'this' feels a little too direct, if you see what I mean.
and explain that the San Juan Mountains were too far away. Short trips in the desert, chaperoned by the Cougar Clan, were okay, but long trips were too risky. - three usages of 'were' in this sentence, perhaps 'she denied this request also due to the distances involved and the inherent risks. She suggested shorter trips to the desert, accompanied by the Cougar Clan, may be more appropriate.' - whatever you think! lol
sat on a stiff high backed chair - high-backed.
Koko just shrugged. - insert a clear line before this.
Koko nodded and leaned lay back on a stack of pillows - ?
I have to say I prefer this one to the Daredevil Girls...
All the best
G
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Hi Rhonda,
Good solid continuation of the story here. Archie, the crafty little bugger... lol
was always this underlying edge to him - nothing wrong with this, but I would use 'an' rather than 'this' - to me 'this' feels a little too direct, if you see what I mean.
and explain that the San Juan Mountains were too far away. Short trips in the desert, chaperoned by the Cougar Clan, were okay, but long trips were too risky. - three usages of 'were' in this sentence, perhaps 'she denied this request also due to the distances involved and the inherent risks. She suggested shorter trips to the desert, accompanied by the Cougar Clan, may be more appropriate.' - whatever you think! lol
sat on a stiff high backed chair - high-backed.
Koko just shrugged. - insert a clear line before this.
Koko nodded and leaned lay back on a stack of pillows - ?
I have to say I prefer this one to the Daredevil Girls...
All the best
G
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the informative review. It was very helpful. I'll admit, I shamelessly stole the line you suggested and put it in place of the one I had. It sounded so good I couldn't think of anything better.
I like this book better, too, but am trying to close the Daredevil Girl book out so I can focus more on this one. I wrote the DDG book as a nod to my father, who used to tell my sister and I Daredevil Girl stories when we were growing up. He always envisioned them as a book.
Thank you for keeping up with both!!
Rhonda
Comment from Heidi M
So how are they going to find Todd? This is pretty daring for them so I hope they've planned the escape well. What could possibly go wrong? Other than everything, that is! Looking forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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So how are they going to find Todd? This is pretty daring for them so I hope they've planned the escape well. What could possibly go wrong? Other than everything, that is! Looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Heidi. I'll post the next chapter later today. It was too long for one, so I split it in half. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Rhonda
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Third paragraph, first sentence needs redone. "Will three days be enough for you to prepare?-----------you have an extra 'will'
also-----"Oh," Koko said, "It's just you." --------the rest is confusing because Alaya answers Koko's statement.
A well written piece and I love the notes that tell us the story up to now and the players. Very nicely done with the interaction between the players
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Third paragraph, first sentence needs redone. "Will three days be enough for you to prepare?-----------you have an extra 'will'
also-----"Oh," Koko said, "It's just you." --------the rest is confusing because Alaya answers Koko's statement.
A well written piece and I love the notes that tell us the story up to now and the players. Very nicely done with the interaction between the players
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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What do I need to redo? Can you be more specific? I tried to find it, and I know mistakes are so easy to make.
Thanks for the review
Rhonda
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I added the correction on the review.
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Okay, thanks so much. All fixed now!!!
Comment from royowen
I must have missed an episode concerning a liaison between Koko and Archie, they're going to have to be extremely careful with Ayala, who's pretty sharp as a character in this novel Rhonda. Archie is being particularly good at playing his cards close to his chest, after all he is a politician. Well done, Rhonda, blessings, Roy
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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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I must have missed an episode concerning a liaison between Koko and Archie, they're going to have to be extremely careful with Ayala, who's pretty sharp as a character in this novel Rhonda. Archie is being particularly good at playing his cards close to his chest, after all he is a politician. Well done, Rhonda, blessings, Roy
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Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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It was a quick scene, where Archie came in and talked to Koko about a discovering that he'd made--she was pregnant, and pregnancies were forbidden in Hokee. He vowed to help her escape.
Yes, Archie is going to be very cautious!
Thanks, as always, for the review.
Rhonda
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I've read it Rhonda
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Love this write it kept me hooked throughout. You write some very interesting prose and I am fascinated by your characters, the whole things is very professional and I have no negative critique, this truly is excellent and well worthy of five or six stars, sadly I only have five but well done! kind regards, Meia x
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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Love this write it kept me hooked throughout. You write some very interesting prose and I am fascinated by your characters, the whole things is very professional and I have no negative critique, this truly is excellent and well worthy of five or six stars, sadly I only have five but well done! kind regards, Meia x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Meia. You're a dear! Your comments are positive and supportive.
Take care,
Rhonda
