Comment from mountainwriter49

Good

Good Afternoon, Poet,

I enjoyed reading your haiku this afternoon. You've two grammatically connected lines and provided a superbly crafted satori. I liked the wordplay of tweetment. This fits in well with the 'ku' concept of the haiku.

The first line certainly captures an observable moment in time, but it with line 2 that I find concerns. The line, 'with prehistoric fowl looks' appears to be a simile as a shoebill stork is not a prehistoric fowl. I learned from Alvin Ethington that simile is not something to be used in haiku. Additionally, line two is a representation of what the poet thinks vs. what he/she has observed, or desk haiku.

Respectfully,
Ray



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 Comment Written 18-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017

That's okay, Ray.
I choose to leave it as it is.

reply by mountainwriter49 on 18-Jan-2017

Thanks for your kind replies, Dean. I apologize for missing that you were the author of both poems. I would have recognized you by name rather than poet. My bad. I'll be more careful next time.
Ray

reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017

No worries.

Comment from irishauthorme

Exceptional

Read both haiku's, am still amazed at the scope-and depth- of your journeys into our world and the nature of all living creatures, of which we are the"Wonderers."
I believe every living thing evolves to fir and exist in it's particular enviroment, the sea-bound mammals being the outstanding example.
Great illustration and dialogue.
irish

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017

Thanks very much for reading, Irish. I deeply appreciate your kind comments and exceptional rating.
I'm really glad to know that you enjoyed this.
Warmest wishes,

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

I have never heard of nor seen one of these Shoebill stork birds before, they really do look like something out of Jurassic Park. Cute final line of this Haiku Dean, shades of tweety bird.
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017

Thanks for reading, pearl. I'm glad you got a chuckle out of this.
Cheers,
~Dean :)

Comment from Grasshopper2

Excellent

Hi Dean,
I love the photo. I went to school with a guy that looked like this.

shoebill stork stares
with prehistoric fowl looks
silent tweetment
Syllables 4 7 4 = 15. Lines 3. Words 9.

I am so far behind on reviews I came up with this HANDY-DANDY TEN GUIDELINES FOR REVIEWING HAIKU and blitzing them.
01. How is the overall presentation? EXCELLENT.
02. Do the photo, font, and colors compliment the haiku? YES.
03. What is the syllable count? SEE ABOVE.
Haiku syllable counter http://www.haikupoemsandpoets.com/haiku_syllable_counter.aspx
04. Are the total number of syllables within the limits of seventeen or less? YES.
05. Does the haiku show balance and adhere to the traditional format of short/long/short? YES.
06. Do the first two lines display a clear grammatical connection? YES.
07. Do they reveal detailed imagery in the present tense? YES.
08. Is the haiku a current observation of a moment in time captured in nature? OH, YEAH...PU
09. Are the words good choices with word economy? YES.
10. Is the satori a brief summarization of lines one and two? YES.
If all the above are yes, then this is, in my humble opinion, an exceptionally well-written haiku. Well done.
The photo does it.
Michael

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017

Thanks for taking the time to read and review my haiku, Michael.
I appreciate it.
~Dean

Comment from suep

Exceptional

This is great. I love it! I'd never heard of, or seen, a shoebill stork. Quite interesting. Perfect picture to accompany your words. Enjoyed your comments in the author notes, too. Lol. Nice alliteration and love 'silent tweetment'. Great work! :)

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017

Hey, suep.
I apologize for my delay in getting back to you on your review. I'm really glad you enjoyed the playfulness with the words, LOL.
I'd never seen a shoebill stork until I watched a recent documentary on the BBC network. I was so fascinated by this prehistoric looking bird that I knew I had to write about them.
So, I did.
Thanks for the fantastic feedback and the six stars.
I really do appreciate it.

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This haiku, Shoe-bill Stork Stares, uses some cute humor and play on words to make this feathered foot-faced fellow seem a little more approachable.

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017

Thanks for commenting on the Shoebill, Bill.
Damn that's confusing, lol.
Much obliged.
~Dean

Comment from rtobaygo

Excellent

Good afternoon, Dean

Liked the short bio. The Shoebill crane is a different looking bird. It's one of the African creatures my students thought was made up. Per usual much said in so few words. Question: What do you mean by 'Silent Tweetment

Take care and stay safe,

Ray

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017

It's just a play on the words "Silent Treatment", Ray, that's all. Just a little injection of humor.
The Shoebill likes to stare a great deal, and his stare is pretty steely. Hence, "Silent Tweetment".
Thanks for the comments.
~Dean

Comment from Father Flaps

Exceptional

Gotta give you six stars for this one, Deano. Leave it to you to choose a creepy-looking bird for your haiku! He looks like something from Alice in Wonderland. But your last line is perfect, "silent tweetment". I doubt there could be any tweets from a bill that looks like a shoe. Probably sounds like a horn!
Nice addition for the haiku club, my friend.
cheers
Kimbob

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017

Hello, Kimbob.
I apologize for my delay in getting back to you concerning your review. I'm really glad you enjoyed the playfulness with the words, LOL.
I'd never seen a shoebill stork until I watched a recent documentary on the BBC network. I was so fascinated by this prehistoric looking bird that I knew I had to write about them.
So... I did.:)
Thanks for the fantastic feedback and the six stars.
I really do appreciate it.
Comment from Lu Saluna

Excellent


This is a very good haiku
He (or she) is a eater prehistoric looking fowl but I have to say with a certain amount of charm
Your satori is very good, it is fitting as I can understand no one or other creature may not want approach
I appreciate the information you provided on this magnificent bird, shoebill stork
But beauty is in the eye of the beholder, did you note the beautiful blue eye. Simply dazzling!


 Comment Written 11-Jan-2017


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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
Yeah, I think there kinda pretty actually.
Maybe I've just looked at 'em so many times that they're finally starting to grow on me.
Could be.
Thanks for the review, Lu.
~Dean