Clouds of arrows, floods of gore
potlatch abstraction 110 words21 total reviews
Comment from TAB_that's me
This is indeed very abstract. God versus gods is probably one of the main causes of war. The second is money.
Well written.
teresa
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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This is indeed very abstract. God versus gods is probably one of the main causes of war. The second is money.
Well written.
teresa
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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After a life of eliminating the abstract and finding the concrete, I wasn't sure about my idea of storm and war. Both are dismally concrete. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Leineco
A formidable storm, indeed. . .the clash of bodies and minds
raging across the lands. One could even say the most cataclysmic
storm of all. . .endlessly reborn as thunderheads gather, forming
new battle fronts.
For me - this works on BOTH the abstract and the commentary
level.
Nicely done LJ
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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A formidable storm, indeed. . .the clash of bodies and minds
raging across the lands. One could even say the most cataclysmic
storm of all. . .endlessly reborn as thunderheads gather, forming
new battle fronts.
For me - this works on BOTH the abstract and the commentary
level.
Nicely done LJ
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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The abstract comparison of war and storms is hardly necessary, both are unmistakable and terrifying. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from William Ross
There is to much hate and greed in this world, The terrorists are just brutal in their attack, nicely done on this have a wonderful day
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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There is to much hate and greed in this world, The terrorists are just brutal in their attack, nicely done on this have a wonderful day
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Thanks very much for reading and reviewing. Wars and storms bring great changes, but at great prices. When will men ever learn?
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a very negative view of God's ultimate plan and religion in general. Yes, the pagan God's were all warlike, they even fought among themselves for power. Zeus overthrew his father to become main god. Sounds very human doeesn't it. Islam is a breading terrorists, but that is not a true version of the religion. It does seem like there is no real plan. But you have to have hope that one will be seen and carried out soon.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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This is a very negative view of God's ultimate plan and religion in general. Yes, the pagan God's were all warlike, they even fought among themselves for power. Zeus overthrew his father to become main god. Sounds very human doeesn't it. Islam is a breading terrorists, but that is not a true version of the religion. It does seem like there is no real plan. But you have to have hope that one will be seen and carried out soon.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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The pastor says we're forming up for Armageddon. I don't know, but storms as abstracts for wars seems fitting. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
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You're welcome. I agree with you about storms as metaphors for wars.
dp
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi LIJ RED,
it has been a while since I have taken part in the potlatch challenge and I am so pleased I have this week as I have been able to read so many different takes on this prompt.
This is by far the best one I have read. Given the time in which we are all living, this is a very real storm that is brewing and will eventually lead to war. This is a shockingly raw poem that touches on the evils that we face today and sadly religion seems yet again to be that focus. We should be done with religion and leave people to just believe what they believe without glorifying it. Hope all that made sense.
In short this poem is awesome.
Brenda:))x
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Hi LIJ RED,
it has been a while since I have taken part in the potlatch challenge and I am so pleased I have this week as I have been able to read so many different takes on this prompt.
This is by far the best one I have read. Given the time in which we are all living, this is a very real storm that is brewing and will eventually lead to war. This is a shockingly raw poem that touches on the evils that we face today and sadly religion seems yet again to be that focus. We should be done with religion and leave people to just believe what they believe without glorifying it. Hope all that made sense.
In short this poem is awesome.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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glad you made it to the challenge, and even more so that you liked my try at abstract poetry. The six stars truly makes me feel I am learning things about writing. I fear I have a ways to go...thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is wonderfully penned. The rhyme and meter are fluid throughout. The imagery is extremely well executed and keeps the raging storm feeling solidly fixed in the reader's mind from start to finish. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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This is wonderfully penned. The rhyme and meter are fluid throughout. The imagery is extremely well executed and keeps the raging storm feeling solidly fixed in the reader's mind from start to finish. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. War Gods, Storm Gods, and us poor folks trying to survive...
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Too many Gods and not enough worshippers to make them all happy.
Comment from janalma
Very well said, here. Your poem is clear and potent. Rhymes very well and has a message, tho the ones who could use it aren't going to even consider such a thing. Peace? They quail in their slippers at the thought.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Very well said, here. Your poem is clear and potent. Rhymes very well and has a message, tho the ones who could use it aren't going to even consider such a thing. Peace? They quail in their slippers at the thought.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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War pays off one side faster than peace pays off two, and men always want to grab the money and run...thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi LIJ:
Your rhyme and meter are so perfect in this piece that I'm compelled to give you a six. Shhhh... don't tell the potlatch police lol ;) Your message and imagery are both excellent. I see many parallels to the abstracts of the raging storm in your impending approach of the war. The last two lines were my favorite, what a strong image.
Exceptional work!
Kim
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Hi LIJ:
Your rhyme and meter are so perfect in this piece that I'm compelled to give you a six. Shhhh... don't tell the potlatch police lol ;) Your message and imagery are both excellent. I see many parallels to the abstracts of the raging storm in your impending approach of the war. The last two lines were my favorite, what a strong image.
Exceptional work!
Kim
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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I have worked to be able to talk naturally in rhyme and meter, and still have hits and misses. I sure am glad you liked this effort. The six stars make my Sunday morning. Don't laugh, but we suffer down here when it's zero degrees-we are not used to it, and it's zero by my moldy thermometer now. The Georgia record is sixteen below, at a CCC camp a few miles from here.
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We're having a cold snap now, it hovered just below -20 on Friday and Saturday. I'm not sure when it is due to break again. I really did enjoy your poem. It is a unique take on the prompt and I always respect that.
Kim
Comment from Pearl Edwards
The war storm rages through history and you have captured that well in your abstract poem Red.
The ebb and flow of human pain - he has no chance, the peaceful man -
it seems that way sometimes. This is quite a different take on this topic, very creative. Enjoyed,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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The war storm rages through history and you have captured that well in your abstract poem Red.
The ebb and flow of human pain - he has no chance, the peaceful man -
it seems that way sometimes. This is quite a different take on this topic, very creative. Enjoyed,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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My draft notice was in the mail, so I joined the Navy to get their schools. I went in about the time the Viet Nam war heated up.
I said what I think here, and thank you for reading and reviewing it.
Comment from Dean Kuch
How could I not give this the highest rating available, Eliijay? The rhyming is impeccable.
Wars are such a waste of youth and human life in general. Rarely do the politicians who wish to wage them ever have to get their hands soiled. Instead, they send young guys--guys like me and my friends who died at the time--to get our hands bloodied for them.
Kudos...
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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How could I not give this the highest rating available, Eliijay? The rhyming is impeccable.
Wars are such a waste of youth and human life in general. Rarely do the politicians who wish to wage them ever have to get their hands soiled. Instead, they send young guys--guys like me and my friends who died at the time--to get our hands bloodied for them.
Kudos...
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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My draft notice was in the mail, so I joined the Navy to get their schools. I went in about the time the Viet Nam war heated up, July 1965. Dean, a six from a poet of your talents really is a boost. Thanks much for reading and reviewing.
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Yes sir, you bet.
It's well deserved as far as I'm concerned.
Have a super Sunday my friend.
~Dean
