The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 56 "Boiler Room Crisis"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
24 total reviews
Comment from TheWriteTeach
Excellent chapter, Rhonda. As with all the other chapters, this is very well written. I like how you added a little humor in a tense situation. For me, it gave a brief respite in the tension. I didn't even realize my shoulders and neck were tight as could be until a little humor relaxed me. It takes excellent writing ability to construct such emotion in the reader. Nice job with this.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Excellent chapter, Rhonda. As with all the other chapters, this is very well written. I like how you added a little humor in a tense situation. For me, it gave a brief respite in the tension. I didn't even realize my shoulders and neck were tight as could be until a little humor relaxed me. It takes excellent writing ability to construct such emotion in the reader. Nice job with this.
Suzanne
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Wow, thank you so much, Suzanne. Your comments were so encouraging, as well as the six star rating. Thank you for sharing your experience with me, it is very helpful.
Have a great week, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from MsPetra
I liked this offering. I felt as if I was there in their world watching them. You did a very good job. Good balance of dialogue, exposition and narration. Your narration is seamless. Kudos on that regard.
Please keep writing. I will be looking forward to other offering from you.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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I liked this offering. I felt as if I was there in their world watching them. You did a very good job. Good balance of dialogue, exposition and narration. Your narration is seamless. Kudos on that regard.
Please keep writing. I will be looking forward to other offering from you.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much. Your remarks are very helpful, and your support so important.
Have a great week
Rhonda
Comment from F. Wehr3
Funny stuff here, Rhonda. I enjoyed your character Sean. I think you did a good job of explaining how difficult it is to stop time, but it should be a power he can only use very sparingly. Else wise, he becomes too powerful.
Becky sat by and waited for him to ask her to hand him a tool, or, perhaps, pull something out of his way as he had instructed, but this wasn't happening often.--I would suggest deleting the comma before and after or.
At first she didn't see or hear anything, but then she was engulfed by a strange, almost wind-like, sensation of pure energy. It made her throat tingle like swallowing hot sauce too quickly, and her stomach and chest tighten.--Delve a little into present tense in this paragraph. I would suggest rewording it. At first she neither saw nor heard anything, maybe? Also tightened.
Overall, great work here. I look forward to more.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Funny stuff here, Rhonda. I enjoyed your character Sean. I think you did a good job of explaining how difficult it is to stop time, but it should be a power he can only use very sparingly. Else wise, he becomes too powerful.
Becky sat by and waited for him to ask her to hand him a tool, or, perhaps, pull something out of his way as he had instructed, but this wasn't happening often.--I would suggest deleting the comma before and after or.
At first she didn't see or hear anything, but then she was engulfed by a strange, almost wind-like, sensation of pure energy. It made her throat tingle like swallowing hot sauce too quickly, and her stomach and chest tighten.--Delve a little into present tense in this paragraph. I would suggest rewording it. At first she neither saw nor heard anything, maybe? Also tightened.
Overall, great work here. I look forward to more.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Russell, for the beautiful six star rating. That means a lot, especially coming from such a wonderful author, yourself.
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from rspoet
Action packed - mummies, witches werewolves;
Fortunately, some are good guys
and Akie is an imposing force who's
good to have as an ally for the daredevil girls.
Lesson one: never trust a bad witch,
but locking themselves in the shelter could backfire
as long the Leprechaun can defuse the bomb,
they will have trapped themselves, very convenient.
Nice little plug for cell phones, in there,
the new technological age.
Everything seems to be ready for a dramatic ending,
as the bomb ticks on...
Excellent chapter, my friend
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Action packed - mummies, witches werewolves;
Fortunately, some are good guys
and Akie is an imposing force who's
good to have as an ally for the daredevil girls.
Lesson one: never trust a bad witch,
but locking themselves in the shelter could backfire
as long the Leprechaun can defuse the bomb,
they will have trapped themselves, very convenient.
Nice little plug for cell phones, in there,
the new technological age.
Everything seems to be ready for a dramatic ending,
as the bomb ticks on...
Excellent chapter, my friend
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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You have an amazing way of finding my tricks ahead of time... I'll say no more!
Thanks for the six stars, and for a year of taking the time to read and keep up with the stories.
Your encouragement was always welcomed and appreciated.
Can't wait to read more of yours.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I NEED to know where Victor is. I hope he is in a good place to help. I thought we were doing good and it took a turn for the worse. Oh my!!!
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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I NEED to know where Victor is. I hope he is in a good place to help. I thought we were doing good and it took a turn for the worse. Oh my!!!
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Victor may not show back up for a bit, so hang onto that thought...
Thank you for the wonderful review, though.
Glad to hear from you,
Rhonda
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. This chapter was very interesting. It was almost all dialogue but you handled in a superb manner. It is an art to do that. Good work.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Excellent. This chapter was very interesting. It was almost all dialogue but you handled in a superb manner. It is an art to do that. Good work.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Actually, it's one of my problems. I try to tell the whole thing in dialogue, then have to back off and try to add other things. I think it's because I talk a lot... my husband would say so. haha.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda--a new twist on the old 'bomb diffused just in the nick of time!' trick. If I were Jerry, I'd drive VERY, VERY carefully!
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Another fine chapter, Rhonda--a new twist on the old 'bomb diffused just in the nick of time!' trick. If I were Jerry, I'd drive VERY, VERY carefully!
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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True, one can never really trust a leprechaun, after all!! hehe.
Comment from Douglas Paul
Another good chapter that deserves a 6 I don't have. Like the way you extended the final solution of the bomb - that keeps the tension running high. You make very good use of conversation.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Another good chapter that deserves a 6 I don't have. Like the way you extended the final solution of the bomb - that keeps the tension running high. You make very good use of conversation.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Douglas, and that's because I talk alot. haha. It's just a natural flow of my consciousness.
Thank you for the virtual 6, gladly take it!!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, I love it. What a wonderful yarn you're spinning here, and you've even got your Scottish twang right. Hehe. Well I have to wait for the next chapter to find out what mischief he's up to. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Hi Rhonda, I love it. What a wonderful yarn you're spinning here, and you've even got your Scottish twang right. Hehe. Well I have to wait for the next chapter to find out what mischief he's up to. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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He is a bit of a scamp, but at least he's on the good side now. He gave the Daredevil girls heck back in the day.
Thanks so much for the review,
Rhonda
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
He might of thought about stopping time before the one second mark LOL. What a drama king he is. Well, with the bomb out of the way I guess they will be going after those pesky witches. Sounds like Jerry is developing a bit of a crush here. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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He might of thought about stopping time before the one second mark LOL. What a drama king he is. Well, with the bomb out of the way I guess they will be going after those pesky witches. Sounds like Jerry is developing a bit of a crush here. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Actually, Jerry is happily married, but he is taken aback by the change in Becky. She was a very awkward teen.
Yes, Sean loves to tempt fate, and is a terrible Drama King. haha.
Thanks for the review, and comments,
Rhonda
