The True Test
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Now what?"Teachers are left to survive
10 total reviews
Comment from heyjude
Judy, another interesting chapter to your book. It does make
us wonder how we would react in a true emergency. It's
rather frightening. I look forward to knowing more about
how you are going to write this.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Judy, another interesting chapter to your book. It does make
us wonder how we would react in a true emergency. It's
rather frightening. I look forward to knowing more about
how you are going to write this.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thanks it is moving on at a good pace and I am having fun writing it. I really think this is a rough draft of something I would like to expand on. Maybe get to know all the characters before the disaster but for now I think I will just keep writing. I am getting wonderful encouragement from so many of you.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Also a type 1 diabetic without his insulin can die if he hasn't had an injection for a while. He would go into a coma. The teacher with guns should take them, that would be the most sensible thing to do. Not that I could use one, but you never know in situations like this. Well done, another excellent part. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Also a type 1 diabetic without his insulin can die if he hasn't had an injection for a while. He would go into a coma. The teacher with guns should take them, that would be the most sensible thing to do. Not that I could use one, but you never know in situations like this. Well done, another excellent part. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Yes, My husband is a true Texan and he is so proud of his concealed licences, I want nothing to do with them but he has a right to them and in this scenario you never know what might happen next.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Judy, I haven't read the first two chapters so I will admit I didn't really know what to make of it at first. And then I read your notes and it made more sense. I think you should put the notes to front. Reminds the reader that way. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Hi Judy, I haven't read the first two chapters so I will admit I didn't really know what to make of it at first. And then I read your notes and it made more sense. I think you should put the notes to front. Reminds the reader that way. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Thank you how do you put the notes up front.
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I just enter it as part of the writing. Calling it Notes, or previously. And then go on to write the chapter giving it a heading. There is no special provision for notes at the beginning. I hope this helps :)))
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Judy. Sorry I missed the first teo chapters, but through your summarys at the bottom, I have caught up.. Were I you, however I would list the summarys at thetop. I read most of the chapter in order to find out what was going on. Eithe rthat or put a note at the top stating READ AUTHOR'S NOTES FIRST Many members do that on here.
Your story is credible. Is itm really fiction? It is well written and I will be interested to see what happens next.
Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Hi, Judy. Sorry I missed the first teo chapters, but through your summarys at the bottom, I have caught up.. Were I you, however I would list the summarys at thetop. I read most of the chapter in order to find out what was going on. Eithe rthat or put a note at the top stating READ AUTHOR'S NOTES FIRST Many members do that on here.
Your story is credible. Is itm really fiction? It is well written and I will be interested to see what happens next.
Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Yes it is fiction. I wanted to see what a group of teachers would do in an emergency.. We have so many unique abilities, that I want to explore, Home ec teachers, Physics, Math, Science. We have word workers etc. musicians. How do you put it at the beginning is that in the line under the title? I would like to do that for the next chapter to help the reader understand what has happened so far. I also want to edit this chapter. I think many of the teachers with children at day care but no way to find out about them would add interest to the way they are handling it all. In Chapter, three we found a way to the cafeteria and became scavenegers for what would last. Lots of things I want to explore. Thank you so much for listening.
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Go to the chapter you want to edit click the title and then click edit. You should be able to edit anything you want. Put that introductory info in the box that says Remarks, I believe. check with Tom at "contact us" to be sure of any of this. they are very prompt in their responses on FS. Bob
Comment from mbroyles2
You've done a good job building the suspense and now you've in eased the conflict with a few needing medicine. Lucky for them there are a few that have guns.
The description of the band hall is well thought out.
Nice job!
Michael
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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You've done a good job building the suspense and now you've in eased the conflict with a few needing medicine. Lucky for them there are a few that have guns.
The description of the band hall is well thought out.
Nice job!
Michael
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Thank you. I also thought I need to edit it and include all the parents who have children in day care. With no communication none of them know where their children are. This would create desperation.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I would suggest writing a more robust background / story so far section and putting it at the top of the post. This way it is right there as a lot of people don't scroll down first. Also it has been quite some time since the last post (August) so a refresher would be good I think. Having it at the start can also entice new people to it as many won't go back to catch up.
People were changing. Panic was in their faces. Fear was enveloping their souls. - this opening paragraph is very passive and telling. the use of was & were in all three sentences. you could write around these to make it more immediate and draw people in - something like-
'Panic set in; people changed as fear enveloped them.'
Most of the first section lifts the reader out of the actual story. it is more of a commentary on the business of being a teacher than being germane to the story at hand.
our standardize test - this should either be standard or standardized.
Just as an editing exercise, I would suggest going through this again and looking at how often you use 'was', 'were', 'had' and 'that'. you may be surprised at how often they crop up. Once you've done this, try rearranging the sentences to eliminate as much of their usage as possible. (I do this on a first edit). They are passive, slow down the narrative and are indicative of too much telling over showing when a better balance is desired.
had been moved to the enemble room- not sure what room this is?
The thunder was loud constant by now. - perhaps - The loud thunder constant now as lightning lit up the end of the corridor.
Gushing small rivers - maybe small gushing rivers here - it flow a little better (groan for the pun!).
teachers tended to stay in there own areas - their.
The typmpani and the larger drums - tympani.
I don't know about how your feeling - you're.
" Neil Fredricks here - delete the space after the opening speech marks.
I also grew up with a grand father - grandfather.
We have no idea what has taken over our lives at this moment. - need closing speech marks here.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Hi there,
I would suggest writing a more robust background / story so far section and putting it at the top of the post. This way it is right there as a lot of people don't scroll down first. Also it has been quite some time since the last post (August) so a refresher would be good I think. Having it at the start can also entice new people to it as many won't go back to catch up.
People were changing. Panic was in their faces. Fear was enveloping their souls. - this opening paragraph is very passive and telling. the use of was & were in all three sentences. you could write around these to make it more immediate and draw people in - something like-
'Panic set in; people changed as fear enveloped them.'
Most of the first section lifts the reader out of the actual story. it is more of a commentary on the business of being a teacher than being germane to the story at hand.
our standardize test - this should either be standard or standardized.
Just as an editing exercise, I would suggest going through this again and looking at how often you use 'was', 'were', 'had' and 'that'. you may be surprised at how often they crop up. Once you've done this, try rearranging the sentences to eliminate as much of their usage as possible. (I do this on a first edit). They are passive, slow down the narrative and are indicative of too much telling over showing when a better balance is desired.
had been moved to the enemble room- not sure what room this is?
The thunder was loud constant by now. - perhaps - The loud thunder constant now as lightning lit up the end of the corridor.
Gushing small rivers - maybe small gushing rivers here - it flow a little better (groan for the pun!).
teachers tended to stay in there own areas - their.
The typmpani and the larger drums - tympani.
I don't know about how your feeling - you're.
" Neil Fredricks here - delete the space after the opening speech marks.
I also grew up with a grand father - grandfather.
We have no idea what has taken over our lives at this moment. - need closing speech marks here.
All the best
G
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Yep, lots of mistakes and as always this is why I want to hear from you. Especially you. Sometimes I just need to get my thoughts out and write. Editing is everything. Also, I want to go back and include a very disturbing problem here. When you teach your younger children are in day care. With no communication, we can't call our spouses, or relatives to help us out when we are delayed. These Mothers and Fathers would be desperate. I truly want to continue to write the rough draft. Then go back and listen to every criticism and mis understanding. I think on this site we get to caught up in being ranked well, instead of learning to write well. Every time you critique me I treasure it. Thank you.
Comment from winnona
A well-written chapter. As the teachers continue to try and figure out what they are doing the meeting did not really go too well by the sound of it. The chapter flows well from the beginning to end.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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A well-written chapter. As the teachers continue to try and figure out what they are doing the meeting did not really go too well by the sound of it. The chapter flows well from the beginning to end.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Thank you Winnona I realized last night as teachers we are all used to controlling our own part of the school . This could really create some conflicts.
Comment from M. A. Barter
This is a rather intriguing story that you are developing here, and I really do like the way you have dived straight into the conflict from the first chapter. This chapter is my favourite so far because of the dialogue introducing the characters. It has created a greater investment in the story and attachment towards some characters, while introducing some of their more personal problems that has come from the greater conflict, such as the diabetic.
My only suggestion would be that you are using too many full stops where there should be a comma or 'and', as you are cutting off the sentences too early and is quite jarring to read.
However though I really like the way the story is developing and I quite like the beginning of this chapter, especially when you write: "Now, we have no students, only each other and this time the subject is "Survival." - I really love this :)
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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This is a rather intriguing story that you are developing here, and I really do like the way you have dived straight into the conflict from the first chapter. This chapter is my favourite so far because of the dialogue introducing the characters. It has created a greater investment in the story and attachment towards some characters, while introducing some of their more personal problems that has come from the greater conflict, such as the diabetic.
My only suggestion would be that you are using too many full stops where there should be a comma or 'and', as you are cutting off the sentences too early and is quite jarring to read.
However though I really like the way the story is developing and I quite like the beginning of this chapter, especially when you write: "Now, we have no students, only each other and this time the subject is "Survival." - I really love this :)
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Thank you , I do tend to write in short sentences. i will try to vary it more. i so appreciate your words.
Comment from DionysusDeVille
I think what I loved most is that you really put us in the mind of a teacher giving us a chance to see things from the other side
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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I think what I loved most is that you really put us in the mind of a teacher giving us a chance to see things from the other side
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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thank you so much. Teachers are such unique individuals. When writing this I also realized we are in charge of our classrooms used to controlling it in our own way. This could definitely set up some conflicts.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I've got some students in an auditorium in trouble in my book right now, too. Only mine are involved in a fight with werewolves. lol. Hopefully they don't attack your poor people. Funny how we as teachers write about school. I guess it's just such a big part of our lives.
Great job, lots of suspense, and raw human emotion.
Rhonda
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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I've got some students in an auditorium in trouble in my book right now, too. Only mine are involved in a fight with werewolves. lol. Hopefully they don't attack your poor people. Funny how we as teachers write about school. I guess it's just such a big part of our lives.
Great job, lots of suspense, and raw human emotion.
Rhonda
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Thank you Rhonda. I will watch out for the werewolves. lol
