A Tale of Yucatan
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "A Tale of Yucatan - Part 5"Meanderings
19 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Thanks for sharing more interesting characters and scenes, well depict3ed in fine lyrical prose--well paced and poetically phonetics. By way of critique: few comma issues...nothing major.
NOTES:
Love the alliteration of F and the imagery here as well as other poetic devices;
A warm on-shore breeze caressed palms framing the new day's fireball as it climbed from its mantle of cloud on the horizon. Behind, hanging above the tree line like a lantern, the silver disc of a full moon faded gracefully, making final obeisance to the sun god as she slid from view.
JESUS BROKEN AND SHED FOR YOU(,) and it was shaded by the broad green leaves of the banyan tree.
Love the alliteration of P here:
It took us about an hour of dedicated pedalling along potholed paths, past mangrove swamps and palm-thatched wooden houses, to complete our journey of discovery.
*Eventually(,) the road ended triumphantly in a pile
In the afternoon(,) Tom took the boys out on a diving expedition to the reef,
On Monday(,) Jeanette is still sick, and Matthew not much better,
Fine alliteration of B: Two Belizean boys handle the boat and there are three others on board.
Two surprises(,) to be more precise.
Enjoyed. Will read part six later...just heading out..
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Thanks for sharing more interesting characters and scenes, well depict3ed in fine lyrical prose--well paced and poetically phonetics. By way of critique: few comma issues...nothing major.
NOTES:
Love the alliteration of F and the imagery here as well as other poetic devices;
A warm on-shore breeze caressed palms framing the new day's fireball as it climbed from its mantle of cloud on the horizon. Behind, hanging above the tree line like a lantern, the silver disc of a full moon faded gracefully, making final obeisance to the sun god as she slid from view.
JESUS BROKEN AND SHED FOR YOU(,) and it was shaded by the broad green leaves of the banyan tree.
Love the alliteration of P here:
It took us about an hour of dedicated pedalling along potholed paths, past mangrove swamps and palm-thatched wooden houses, to complete our journey of discovery.
*Eventually(,) the road ended triumphantly in a pile
In the afternoon(,) Tom took the boys out on a diving expedition to the reef,
On Monday(,) Jeanette is still sick, and Matthew not much better,
Fine alliteration of B: Two Belizean boys handle the boat and there are three others on board.
Two surprises(,) to be more precise.
Enjoyed. Will read part six later...just heading out..
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Again, thank you!
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
I can't believe you are going to leave us hanging LOL. This is just a wonderful reading experience as each segment is so well written it makes the reader feel as if they are right there sharing the trip with you. I hope your friends didn't catch anything serious and that they will both be better by the time your snorkeling excursion is over. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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I can't believe you are going to leave us hanging LOL. This is just a wonderful reading experience as each segment is so well written it makes the reader feel as if they are right there sharing the trip with you. I hope your friends didn't catch anything serious and that they will both be better by the time your snorkeling excursion is over. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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I am so much appreciating your interest in my writing, Monika, and your delightful reviews. Thank you for being a fellow traveller on this journey!
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I am enjoying it all to pieces.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
What a journey you made. a fantastic telling and using the words like Hacienda lets us imagine what we think it is like along with the rest of the words to tell of the surroundings and the fishing. Wow
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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What a journey you made. a fantastic telling and using the words like Hacienda lets us imagine what we think it is like along with the rest of the words to tell of the surroundings and the fishing. Wow
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Yes, it was quite a journey, Barb. Glad you're enjoying the recounting of it. Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
In any party touring in exotic places there will always be at least one suffering from some form of lergy at any one time. The causes are various , the sun, the water, the food the drink, the air conditioning, the sea or whatever. Only by travelling alone can this be avoided because of course the one who scribes the tale never gets to fail. Nice and restful after the hairy boat rides. one could almost feel jealous again.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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In any party touring in exotic places there will always be at least one suffering from some form of lergy at any one time. The causes are various , the sun, the water, the food the drink, the air conditioning, the sea or whatever. Only by travelling alone can this be avoided because of course the one who scribes the tale never gets to fail. Nice and restful after the hairy boat rides. one could almost feel jealous again.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Imodium is an essential travel companion in my experience. Someone's going to need it sometime! The boat trip was about the best part as far as I was concerned, but my travelling companion were not all in agreement!
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The verbal structure of the story reminisces topography of San Pedro and how it meets the tourist-needs.
The work highlights the beautiful scenery, the spiritual impact of the sun and moon with the sun-god, the activity spectrum of tourists and social workers ranging from diving, snorkelling, swimming and other christian religious activities on the island.
The work constitutes a significant commentary on the proliferation of tourist sites in San Pedro.
Excellent work! Bravo!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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The verbal structure of the story reminisces topography of San Pedro and how it meets the tourist-needs.
The work highlights the beautiful scenery, the spiritual impact of the sun and moon with the sun-god, the activity spectrum of tourists and social workers ranging from diving, snorkelling, swimming and other christian religious activities on the island.
The work constitutes a significant commentary on the proliferation of tourist sites in San Pedro.
Excellent work! Bravo!
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Lloyd. I'd be interested to see Tikal again, 18 years on, for there were some ambitious plans for further excavation and enlargement of the tourist area.
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Remain Blessed!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
That's quite an opening paragraph giving a sense of grandeur to the proceedings.
tree line - treeline.
Eventually the road ended triumphantly in a pile of litter, a hundred carrion crows, huge swarms of flies and wisps of noxious smoke - more or less what you'd expect at the town dump, I suppose. - nice juxtaposition between this and the island paradise introduced earlier.
Only at Gaz Cooper's Dive Belize at Sunbreeze Hotel Tel:3202' - you should have end punctuation after the quote mark.
We set out down the coast to pier further south - should this be 'peer'?
Very nice
All the best
G
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Hi there,
That's quite an opening paragraph giving a sense of grandeur to the proceedings.
tree line - treeline.
Eventually the road ended triumphantly in a pile of litter, a hundred carrion crows, huge swarms of flies and wisps of noxious smoke - more or less what you'd expect at the town dump, I suppose. - nice juxtaposition between this and the island paradise introduced earlier.
Only at Gaz Cooper's Dive Belize at Sunbreeze Hotel Tel:3202' - you should have end punctuation after the quote mark.
We set out down the coast to pier further south - should this be 'peer'?
Very nice
All the best
G
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Once again, many thanks for your sharp eyes and helpful review. I've corrected the first two SPAGs and inserted the missing word to make sense of the pier/peer confusion. What I meant was that we motored on to another pier to pick up the extra passengers.
Comment from Ricky1024
Adjective Content-*****
Objective Content-*****
Grammar-******
Theme and Imagery-******
Pronounciational Appeal-*****
Pronuncement-*****
Complete Synopsis-*****
Nice job!
Ricky1024.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Adjective Content-*****
Objective Content-*****
Grammar-******
Theme and Imagery-******
Pronounciational Appeal-*****
Pronuncement-*****
Complete Synopsis-*****
Nice job!
Ricky1024.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thanks, Ricky, for your 35-star review! Much appreciated. Tony
Comment from Pearl Edwards
With the style of your write I feel like I'm following along on this Caribbean journey Tony even the trip out to the dump I could almost smell it. Interesting travels,
cheers,
valda
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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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With the style of your write I feel like I'm following along on this Caribbean journey Tony even the trip out to the dump I could almost smell it. Interesting travels,
cheers,
valda
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Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Glad you're enjoying it!
Comment from RGstar
Nicely done, Tony. More of a live diary which creates a wonderful imagery and, in time, will put more focus, if you should write more of these, on the characters so they become well known, that is when this kind of narrative will take off. I saw only one comma you might have missed, and as there is nothing I can teach you, I wouldn't even mention as it is only a miss not a teaching or learning.
One thing, always on transition from more poetry over to work of this sort, one has to be careful not to make the write a little poetic...more direct. I had a little of that when I started on ''Scarlet'' up until now, I am asked when I will go back to the first chapter...written some 3 years ago. :)
Good write, Tony. I will follow when I can for it is interesting...and your travels are one that I , personally, will take interest in reading. It will take a few for one to become immersed in the characters, including the author's in this sort of narrative, I look forward.
Best wishes, my friend.
RG
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Nicely done, Tony. More of a live diary which creates a wonderful imagery and, in time, will put more focus, if you should write more of these, on the characters so they become well known, that is when this kind of narrative will take off. I saw only one comma you might have missed, and as there is nothing I can teach you, I wouldn't even mention as it is only a miss not a teaching or learning.
One thing, always on transition from more poetry over to work of this sort, one has to be careful not to make the write a little poetic...more direct. I had a little of that when I started on ''Scarlet'' up until now, I am asked when I will go back to the first chapter...written some 3 years ago. :)
Good write, Tony. I will follow when I can for it is interesting...and your travels are one that I , personally, will take interest in reading. It will take a few for one to become immersed in the characters, including the author's in this sort of narrative, I look forward.
Best wishes, my friend.
RG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Very many thanks for this review, Roy.That's an interesting observation about character development. I had rather deliberately kept the touring party in the background to keep the emphasis on the places and on the various people we met, thinking that these would be the main interest for readers. Perhaps I need to reconsider that. I also take your point about the use of flowery language. I imagine that Hemingway would have had no compunction in tearing this all up and telling me to start again! Sometimes it is good to strip away all the adjectives and adverbs and see what one is left with.
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You do most of this so naturally my good friend, Its a pleasure to be on the journey. As you are writing a few of these, which is very interesting indeed. The balance must be there and maintained all the way through with language...coulouful is not all that bad, for it gives life...just probably not poetic...and you have the ability for all of these. Looking forward to the next one, my friend. Pleasure to be able to support.
Best wishes.
