A Tale of Yucatan
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "A Tale of Yucatan - Part 5"Meanderings
19 total reviews
Comment from IndianaIrish
Great chapter, Rony, and loved the "Oh, yeah!" ending that makes the reader want to read more. Your use of occasional poetic effects add to your prose...like the use of fireball for the sun.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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Great chapter, Rony, and loved the "Oh, yeah!" ending that makes the reader want to read more. Your use of occasional poetic effects add to your prose...like the use of fireball for the sun.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
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I'm told I should keep the poetic and prosaic in balance! LOL
Comment from barbara.wilkey
OH fiddle fart! I read this out of order. It seems to be problem I have. DARN!!!! I still enjoyed reading and now things have come together.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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OH fiddle fart! I read this out of order. It seems to be problem I have. DARN!!!! I still enjoyed reading and now things have come together.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Ha! Ha! I shall be posting them a bit further apart soon, which will make things easier. I can't keep up this pace!
Comment from krys123
Time to slow down and rest, right, Tony?;
-Now that you had to trip over to San Pedro's and finding out that in San Pedro's day it was time to settle down and not go crazy like heavenly fishing or scuba diving or taking in a little bit of relaxation for a change: " Now seemed like a good time to slow down. That, at any rate, was the message I was getting from my second glass of cubré libre, and bowl of soggy poolside chips. The hotel itself had a bit of a siesta air about it, too.
- Another great writing of exceptional imagery that was definitively and demonstratively descriptive and vividly and genuinely expressive throughout the writing.
-But I did find amazing is that the telephone number only have four digits and you in turn also thought this was reflective of how many people lived on the island.
-Thanks for sharing this Tony and take care and have a good one where and when you can find it in your heart and your mind and your soul.
Alex
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Time to slow down and rest, right, Tony?;
-Now that you had to trip over to San Pedro's and finding out that in San Pedro's day it was time to settle down and not go crazy like heavenly fishing or scuba diving or taking in a little bit of relaxation for a change: " Now seemed like a good time to slow down. That, at any rate, was the message I was getting from my second glass of cubré libre, and bowl of soggy poolside chips. The hotel itself had a bit of a siesta air about it, too.
- Another great writing of exceptional imagery that was definitively and demonstratively descriptive and vividly and genuinely expressive throughout the writing.
-But I did find amazing is that the telephone number only have four digits and you in turn also thought this was reflective of how many people lived on the island.
-Thanks for sharing this Tony and take care and have a good one where and when you can find it in your heart and your mind and your soul.
Alex
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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It occurs to me that the phone number of my home in England when I was growing up only had three digits - but also the name of the village. What useless information the mind sometimes retains! The number was Aston Clinton 362. It has been filed away in a corner of my brain for more than 60 years!
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I also remember the phone number of my hometown when and where I was growing up as it had only six digits without an area code and if he had to get outside your area you have to use an operator. Plus, we were on a three party line! It was like having a conversation in a lunchroom in trying to understand who was talking to whom and where and why and when. Chuckle! Take care Tony and have a good one.
Alex
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Obviously, by the, 'oh yeah' at the end, there is some fun to come. LOL. I hope Jeanette and Matthew's sickness didn't ruin their holiday. This is another very well described part of your story. You paint the lines in superb imagery that it is easy to visualise your trips. Well done, Tony, I'm enjoying my trip with you and your family. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Obviously, by the, 'oh yeah' at the end, there is some fun to come. LOL. I hope Jeanette and Matthew's sickness didn't ruin their holiday. This is another very well described part of your story. You paint the lines in superb imagery that it is easy to visualise your trips. Well done, Tony, I'm enjoying my trip with you and your family. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Oh, yeah! These poor mugs were shown up a bit by the local boys! I think that at one time or another during the journey most of us were sick for a day or two - generally just a temporary tummy bug and nothing too serious.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
This wonderful saga continues in the fashion it has already established, it is a brilliant exciting and compelling read, with beautiful turns of phrase and stunning expression and description. Very well done and two thumbs up from me look forward to reading more of your writing.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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This wonderful saga continues in the fashion it has already established, it is a brilliant exciting and compelling read, with beautiful turns of phrase and stunning expression and description. Very well done and two thumbs up from me look forward to reading more of your writing.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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What a lovely thing to say, Meia. I wasn't sure how this travelogue would be received, but you give me the confidence to continue!
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Great descriptions and very poetic in places. You should try writing poetry sometime, LOL. I have never had the time or money to travel, and am thoroughly enjoying this trip with you~Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Great descriptions and very poetic in places. You should try writing poetry sometime, LOL. I have never had the time or money to travel, and am thoroughly enjoying this trip with you~Debbie
Comment Written 06-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Ah, yes! Poetry! I shall get back to it soon perhaps.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
A very well written addition to your story. I love stories that take me away from the mundane and transport me to an exotic place. You do this nicely with this well told stroy.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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A very well written addition to your story. I love stories that take me away from the mundane and transport me to an exotic place. You do this nicely with this well told stroy.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thanks, Thomas. I hope that you are enjoying this armchair travel to exotic places!
Comment from Heidi M
This entire section is well-written and took me to the hotel: 'a siesta air... Hacienda-style, built around a hollow square with balconies overlooking a central courtyard; whitewashed balustrades half hidden amongst bougainvillea and exotic sub-tropical creepers, yellow ochre paintwork and a red tiled roof, a hammock slung between two palm trees'
This is also an excellent description: 'angular outline of frigate birds hovering and sideslipping'
These descriptions could be in a travel brochure. Well done!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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This entire section is well-written and took me to the hotel: 'a siesta air... Hacienda-style, built around a hollow square with balconies overlooking a central courtyard; whitewashed balustrades half hidden amongst bougainvillea and exotic sub-tropical creepers, yellow ochre paintwork and a red tiled roof, a hammock slung between two palm trees'
This is also an excellent description: 'angular outline of frigate birds hovering and sideslipping'
These descriptions could be in a travel brochure. Well done!
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Delighted that you should have been immersed in the atmosphere of these laid-back islands for a while. I appreciate your review and comments. All the best, Tony
Comment from lyenochka
Love the opening of this full of all your poetic skill describing the sunrise. This journey is just so full of interesting people and sights. In my cluttered mind, I almost wish for a less chronological/geographical sequence but a thematic one. But still it's wonderful to have this adventure through your descriptive eyes.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Love the opening of this full of all your poetic skill describing the sunrise. This journey is just so full of interesting people and sights. In my cluttered mind, I almost wish for a less chronological/geographical sequence but a thematic one. But still it's wonderful to have this adventure through your descriptive eyes.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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That's an interesting idea. The chronological/geographical sequence just follows the sequence of my journal notes. However, alternative structures are possible and I will certainly consider them. Thanks!
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I think what you have done is just fine. But if you ever decide to sell an article to a travel magazine, perhaps you can rewrite a chapter to focus on just one area. Or just the kind of rides to expect where!
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Tony. This is a great story that is unfolding. I have missed some but am trying to stay caught up with it. This travelogue of sorts is very interesting and makes one want to take the trip themselves.
Suggestions: Paragraphing is so vital to good prose. They allow the reader "mental breaks" as they read the chapter. Without them, the story can turn into a bore. (Not inferring yours are boring) but your paragraphs are extremely long. I suggest for this chapter and all of those in the future that youbust them up into about three different paragraphs (in this mchapter at least)
Also: There is a time-tested rule that we should never start a story or a chapter with the weather or dialogue. This is a beautiful opening paragraph you have here, but for the sake of a better "hook" I would suggest you use this to open with and then add your first paragraph as you can inclose proximity:
"This town with its cemetery in the sand, its tombstones lifted and cracked and left at crazy angles by some ancient hurricane; sailors' graves still tossed by storm. This town of Caribbean laughter." (much better to draw interest, I think)
Blessings my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Hi, Tony. This is a great story that is unfolding. I have missed some but am trying to stay caught up with it. This travelogue of sorts is very interesting and makes one want to take the trip themselves.
Suggestions: Paragraphing is so vital to good prose. They allow the reader "mental breaks" as they read the chapter. Without them, the story can turn into a bore. (Not inferring yours are boring) but your paragraphs are extremely long. I suggest for this chapter and all of those in the future that youbust them up into about three different paragraphs (in this mchapter at least)
Also: There is a time-tested rule that we should never start a story or a chapter with the weather or dialogue. This is a beautiful opening paragraph you have here, but for the sake of a better "hook" I would suggest you use this to open with and then add your first paragraph as you can inclose proximity:
"This town with its cemetery in the sand, its tombstones lifted and cracked and left at crazy angles by some ancient hurricane; sailors' graves still tossed by storm. This town of Caribbean laughter." (much better to draw interest, I think)
Blessings my friend. Bob
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Probably the most useful review I've received. You are right about the rearrangement and I have altered the beginning in line with your suggestion to provide a better "hook". I think it reads much better now. I've also had a look at paragraph length and made one or two modifications both in this and in subsequent parts of the story. Many thanks for your time and your constructive comments. Best wishes, Tony
