The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 55 "Allies and Enemies-Part 2"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
25 total reviews
Comment from MsPetra
I liked this offering. You really took me on a ride. I especially liked your dialogue. You were spot on with that. I didn't see anything there that needs improvement. You did a great job!
Keep up the good work. I will be looking forward to reading more of it.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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I liked this offering. You really took me on a ride. I especially liked your dialogue. You were spot on with that. I didn't see anything there that needs improvement. You did a great job!
Keep up the good work. I will be looking forward to reading more of it.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you, again, for the wonderful review. I truly appreciate you,
Rhonda
Comment from c_lucas
I see your story is still moving alone nicely. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good job.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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I see your story is still moving alone nicely. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good job.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you, my friend, for the comments and wonderful six star review!
You're the greatest,
Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, I can now see I've missed this chapter before I read the following one, but now it all make sense, what happened in the next one. Looking forward to the rest of the story. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Hi Rhonda, I can now see I've missed this chapter before I read the following one, but now it all make sense, what happened in the next one. Looking forward to the rest of the story. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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I do that all the time, especially when I get behind on reviewing, which I am now...
I'm glad you took the time to go back and find it.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good image.
-You definitely amped up the action, Rhonda.
-I like the involvement of the various groups of characters
dealing with different enemy elements.
-The surprise was seeing Akie back in the story, with his Egyptian warriors,
ready to protect and defend the innocent.
-We also learn there is no love loss among the witch sisters.
-After various engagements among the different groups, Akie and Nancy were
not able to do anymore because of the witch's wand, and off they go to their protective shelter, but will it do them any good?
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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-A good image.
-You definitely amped up the action, Rhonda.
-I like the involvement of the various groups of characters
dealing with different enemy elements.
-The surprise was seeing Akie back in the story, with his Egyptian warriors,
ready to protect and defend the innocent.
-We also learn there is no love loss among the witch sisters.
-After various engagements among the different groups, Akie and Nancy were
not able to do anymore because of the witch's wand, and off they go to their protective shelter, but will it do them any good?
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the six stars, Pam, and for reviewing this chapter.
You sure have helped me grow as a writer over this past year. I remember when you spent paragraphs trying to help me with the grammar, and somehow I learned those lessons! You're too cool! Thank you for that, and for always staying with the stories.
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome and deserving, Rhonda. I enjoy helping when it is appreciated.
Comment from Thesis
The story has such an interesting array of characters. I'm enjoying the dialogue and the camaraderie of the various species. You have a very active imagination and I'm enjoying this book.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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The story has such an interesting array of characters. I'm enjoying the dialogue and the camaraderie of the various species. You have a very active imagination and I'm enjoying this book.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much for the review, and for continuing to read the story.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Now how did I miss this one. I went back and tried to catch all the posts you posted this week and read them in order. I just give up.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Now how did I miss this one. I went back and tried to catch all the posts you posted this week and read them in order. I just give up.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Sorry, I know I'm posting fast, but I'll slow down after the six post. I don't expect to win the contest, but I'm very task oriented, and want to complete the assignment. haha.
Thanks for trying to keep up. I have two more to go.... wish me luck,
Rhonda
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, my friend,
You have a lot going on in just five minutes. I think it's very well written with no SPAGs.
The story moves along at a rapid pace so the reader really has to stay with it and pay attention. I like the mummies having cell phones ... LOL
Gypsy
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Hello, my friend,
You have a lot going on in just five minutes. I think it's very well written with no SPAGs.
The story moves along at a rapid pace so the reader really has to stay with it and pay attention. I like the mummies having cell phones ... LOL
Gypsy
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Gypsy! Yes, it was a pretty intense five minutes.
Everyone seems to like the mummy with a cellphone. Of course, she doesn't still have the wraps. He's a pretty good looking guy now. lol.
I so appreciate you taking the time to review my work.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. I love the mummy with the cell phone, it really cracked me up. I have been following and enjoying this story for quite a while now. Good work.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Excellent. I love the mummy with the cell phone, it really cracked me up. I have been following and enjoying this story for quite a while now. Good work.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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I know you have, and you are greatly appreciated, too!!!
Thank you for always being there.
Yeah, ol Akie has a taste for modern technology!
Comment from Douglas Paul
I think this is really a strong chapter. I liked seeing Akie get involved. I like the fact that the daredevil girls appeared to lose this encounter. You set up a nice tension with the bomb giving everyone only 5 minutes to resolve the situation. I am sorry I don't have any 6's left fr this one, it deservcs one
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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I think this is really a strong chapter. I liked seeing Akie get involved. I like the fact that the daredevil girls appeared to lose this encounter. You set up a nice tension with the bomb giving everyone only 5 minutes to resolve the situation. I am sorry I don't have any 6's left fr this one, it deservcs one
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Again, thanks for the virtual 6. You are generous enough when you have them.
Akie is into things now, but in a bit of a pinch.
Thanks for always reading and reviewing, my friend.
PS. I've noticed a missing badger of late..
Comment from F. Wehr3
Good action sequence here, Rhonda. I enjoyed the fight with Akie, Victor and Nancy. Now there's the bomb to deal with. I found a couple of things for your consideration.
One of the witch sisters, Anastasia, caught sight of Nancy and charged, wand held high.
"Die, Daredevil Girl."--Recommend you put this in with the previous paragraph. You have another one with Nancy right after this.
Are you Girls ever going to stay out of trouble?"--Do you need to capitalize Girls?
and shunting them to an old friend of yours, Jerry.--Maybe a different word besides shunting? Also, no comma needed before Jerry.
Nancy followed by grabbing her by the back of the hair with one hand, and driving her arm behind her back with the other. --Suggest no comma before and.
"Okay, you win, you're some sort of ninja warrior," --Suggest two sentences.
I need to press the abort button or we're all going to die."--Suggest a comma before or.
Overall, well done. I am looking forward to the next part.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Good action sequence here, Rhonda. I enjoyed the fight with Akie, Victor and Nancy. Now there's the bomb to deal with. I found a couple of things for your consideration.
One of the witch sisters, Anastasia, caught sight of Nancy and charged, wand held high.
"Die, Daredevil Girl."--Recommend you put this in with the previous paragraph. You have another one with Nancy right after this.
Are you Girls ever going to stay out of trouble?"--Do you need to capitalize Girls?
and shunting them to an old friend of yours, Jerry.--Maybe a different word besides shunting? Also, no comma needed before Jerry.
Nancy followed by grabbing her by the back of the hair with one hand, and driving her arm behind her back with the other. --Suggest no comma before and.
"Okay, you win, you're some sort of ninja warrior," --Suggest two sentences.
I need to press the abort button or we're all going to die."--Suggest a comma before or.
Overall, well done. I am looking forward to the next part.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 07-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Thank you for all your help finding the snafu's. I'll get right on it. The only correction to your corrections in the capitolization of Girl, as he is referencing the group The Daredevil Girls, so that's why it's a capitol. Thanks for carefully noting it, though.
Take care and, again, thanks for the meticulous review. Too many people just browse over it, get the main idea, and that's it. The time and care you took takes effort, and its appreciated!
Have a great rest of the weekend.
Rhonda
