Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Whoa my land, that eagle is amazing and a perfect fit with your air haiku.

Clever satori lines and I'm really most partial to the air apparent, LOL.

We can picture the concrete imagery easily even without the artwork.

This is a terrific offering to the haiku club. :))

Gloria

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017

Yes, Gloria, "We can picture the concrete imagery easily even without the artwork." I write my haiku based upon something I observed in nature rather than from a picture of something I have not observed in real life. I then craft concrete imagery so that the reader can see my poem without a picture. The last step before posting on FanStory is to find a picture that best illustrates my idea. Other haiku poets work in reverse. They find a picture of a sunset, swan, or volcano and write about it, but often when you remove the picture you cannot understand their poems. Thank you for your review of my "terrific offering."

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Andre, two amazing haikus, and you seemed to have got the theme 'air' just spot on, Both are very interesting. Well done. All the best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017

Thank you, Ulla, for your review of my "two amazing haikus." I appreciate it.

Comment from Mastery

Exceptional

Outstanding haikus, Andre. I liked your satori in the last one in particular:

"seafood flown daily"

Glad to see you involved with the club. You will be able to show your wonderful talent isn't restricted to prose.

Blessings, Bob

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017

Yes, Bob, I'm not restricted to prose. I am editing Jay's script, leading a church congregation in a hymn this Sunday, enrolled in a Voice for Performers class at a local theater next Tuesday, and am preparing for a live storytelling event next Wednesday. Thank you for your generous, six star review of my "outstanding haikus."

reply by Mastery on 04-Jan-2017

Jay Squires script?

reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017

Yes

Comment from GWinterwin

Excellent

Beautiful picture of our country's national bird. Good thoughts, and full explanation of what is happing in the picture. Great job, keep sharing with us, and have a happy new year.

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017

Thank you for your review, GWinterwin. I will keep sharing with you.

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

Haiku seems a bit like chopped liver. Some love the form and some--this suite seems to be to the letter and spirit of Haiku law, though I am not a highly qualified judge. Excellent.

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017

Oh, thank you, LIJ Red, for your review. I am glad that mine "seems to be to the letter and spirit of Haiku law." Thanks again.

Comment from Just2Write

Excellent

Loved your 'puns' in this duet of Haikus.

The eagle is a masterful fisher - and your poetry captures that part of our prey vs. hunter part of their life - and of all life.

Haiku is all about brevity -
you could shed a word in Haiku 2 -
towards spring eaglet's gaping beak
toward eaglet's gaping beak. The word eaglet is the kigo (seasonal reference) as spring is when the egg's hatch, so there is no need to add the word spring for your kigo as well.
Rose.

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017

Ah, Rose, that omission of "spring" is a great idea I will employ. I reserved a library copy of "The haiku handbook : how to write, teach, and appreciate haiku" by William J. Higginson. I was beginning to doubt whether or not I need to pick up the book, but then your review reminded me I want to know more about kigo so I could write better haiku. Thank you for your review and encouragement.

reply by Just2Write on 04-Jan-2017

In Japan, and perhaps elsewhere there are books much like thesaurus' that list Kigo words.
Haiku is a poetry form that is in transition and many westerners (me included) miss the fine nuances of it. If you are interested I wrote an article called ' Haiku Is it for you. ' It's in my pot folio under short works.

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

Nice puns in both of your last lines bring a smile of appreciation. Truly the king of the air, this heir apparent of yours! 'Gill-gasping' is a great condensed description, too.

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017

Yes, tfawcus, "the fish's gills were gasping for air" is too wordy. So I condensed it to "gills-gasping." Thank you for your review.

Comment from F. Wehr3

Excellent

Nice work, Andre! I enjoyed both of the satori moments in both of the poems, but I think I like the first one better, just by a little. Happy New Year to you and your loved ones.

Take care,
Russell

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017

Thank you, Russell, for your review and telling me which haiku you like better, just by a little. Happy New Year to you, too.

Comment from heyjude

Excellent

Sis Cat, very well done set of haikus. Great.picture to go with your poem. Also, I really like the second verse the best, especially
.. seafood flown daily.

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017

Yes, heyjude, seafood flown daily. Thank you for your review of my "very well done set of haikus."

Comment from Poetic Friend

Excellent

Wow, these haikus work well individually and collectively as a poem. Great usage of imagery and alliteration.

Your artwork complements your poem well.

Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017

Thank you, Poetic Friend, for your review of my haikus which "work well individually and collectively as a poem."