haiku (earthworms swarm sidewalk)
Haiku Club Challenge # 3 earth62 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
A flood of haiku, more like it. Good to see this group having fun with this form, as you seem to have had fun with this offering. The satori line is not only alliterative, it depicts a fairly gruesome end for the rained-out earthworms!
Steve
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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A flood of haiku, more like it. Good to see this group having fun with this form, as you seem to have had fun with this offering. The satori line is not only alliterative, it depicts a fairly gruesome end for the rained-out earthworms!
Steve
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Yes, Steve, I am having fun with haiku. I think back to the great like Basho and Issa who wrote about frogs and crickets and I am still astounded by the poets' artistry. Thank you for your review, even though the earthworms met a sad end.
Comment from Dean Kuch
"slither, squiggle, squish..."YUCK!, Andre, heh-heh.
Your first two lines are definitely grammatically connected and display concrete imagery (no puns intended in relation to the sidewalk, I assure you!).
Your kigo is obvious, and your satori is a good observation of the phrase, or first two lines, that came before it.
Nicely done...~Dean
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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"slither, squiggle, squish..."YUCK!, Andre, heh-heh.
Your first two lines are definitely grammatically connected and display concrete imagery (no puns intended in relation to the sidewalk, I assure you!).
Your kigo is obvious, and your satori is a good observation of the phrase, or first two lines, that came before it.
Nicely done...~Dean
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Yes, Dean, yuck! I had great time writing this stomach, turning haiku. Concrete imagery indeed. Thank you for your review.
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My (dis) pleasure, as always, Andre. Heh-heh-heh.
Take care,
~Dean :}
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Yes, Dean, I never thought I could make reviewers squirm and feel nauseated with my haiku. Thanks.
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Sure ya can.
I do it all the time myself, although mine is not on purpose, heh-heh.
Take care,
~Dean :)
Comment from winnona
Earthworms was a very good choice for this challenge. You can tell how good your soil is in your garden by how many Earthworms are in a shovel full of the soil. They are an important part of the soils health. Very well done.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Earthworms was a very good choice for this challenge. You can tell how good your soil is in your garden by how many Earthworms are in a shovel full of the soil. They are an important part of the soils health. Very well done.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Yes, Winnona, earthworms are good for the soil. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Lu Saluna
Your photo gave me a bit of a startle. I guess I am more squeamish about worms than I used to be, lol.
Your first two lines form a vivid image and tie together well
You satori line speaks for itself. I am not going to delve further into it, for fear my stomach takes another turn. Very well done!
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Your photo gave me a bit of a startle. I guess I am more squeamish about worms than I used to be, lol.
Your first two lines form a vivid image and tie together well
You satori line speaks for itself. I am not going to delve further into it, for fear my stomach takes another turn. Very well done!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Sorry, Lu, if your stomach takes another turn at the satori, but thank you for your review. Even without the picture, my haiku is vivid.
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Oh yes, the fact that you gave me an emotional and physical reaction is good! Excellent work!
Comment from rjuselius
"earthworms swarm sidewalk
after winter rains flood lawn
slither, squiggle, squish"
this is a rather unappetising piece of poetry dear andre! i actually feel slightly ill. the picture enhances the feel of the poem. very well done.
thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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"earthworms swarm sidewalk
after winter rains flood lawn
slither, squiggle, squish"
this is a rather unappetising piece of poetry dear andre! i actually feel slightly ill. the picture enhances the feel of the poem. very well done.
thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Rebekka, for your review of an unappetizing haiku. Blessings to you, too.
Comment from bertranclan
Love this haiku, and I'm a novice when it comes to them. I loved the last three words forming alliteration. I can just see those things a-slithering around. That's how they really are, and you captured it. Well done. Happy New Year!
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Love this haiku, and I'm a novice when it comes to them. I loved the last three words forming alliteration. I can just see those things a-slithering around. That's how they really are, and you captured it. Well done. Happy New Year!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Thank you, bertranclan, for your review. I am glad my haiku captured those things a-slithering around.
Comment from Mary Wakeford
A fun read, Andre, and the visual is perfect. We've had a lot of rain this week and there have been worms and caterpillars everywhere it seems! Excellent visual to accompany your slither, aquiggle, squash!
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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A fun read, Andre, and the visual is perfect. We've had a lot of rain this week and there have been worms and caterpillars everywhere it seems! Excellent visual to accompany your slither, aquiggle, squash!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Yuck, Mary, worms and caterpillars everywhere! You know from experience. Thank you for your review.
Comment from rama devi
Love that phonetic closing line:
slither, squiggle, squish
Ick!
Love the abundant S sounds lacing the first and last lines plus fine consonance of L. But the biggest phonetic applause goes to the medley of W sounds. Subtle and wonderful! Sounds great read aloud.
Yucky photo!
Happy New year!
Ha ha ha
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Love that phonetic closing line:
slither, squiggle, squish
Ick!
Love the abundant S sounds lacing the first and last lines plus fine consonance of L. But the biggest phonetic applause goes to the medley of W sounds. Subtle and wonderful! Sounds great read aloud.
Yucky photo!
Happy New year!
Ha ha ha
Love,
rd
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Yes, Rama, I had fun writing this haiku filled with W and S sounds. I enjoy writing visceral haiku one can see and feel, whether it be about smoke in ones nostrils or frosted grass beneath ones feet. I also like to focus on things people choose to ignore. Worms rank down there. Thank you for your review.
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Utterly visceral one, my friend. ;-)))
Comment from Malachai
This haiku does everything one should. I hear the worms and see them. However yucky it is an image and sound well done in nature. I just so wish the sidewalk would disappear. That's just cause I am tired of cities.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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This haiku does everything one should. I hear the worms and see them. However yucky it is an image and sound well done in nature. I just so wish the sidewalk would disappear. That's just cause I am tired of cities.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Oh, Malachai, I hate it when the worms slither on the sidewalk after the rains or sprinklers. I walk carefully to avoid them. I am glad my haiku about yucky worms resonated with you. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was well written. I like how you set the table with the first line of the haiku and develop it from there. The last line was especially strong. Great job.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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I thought this was well written. I like how you set the table with the first line of the haiku and develop it from there. The last line was especially strong. Great job.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Yes, Michael, I hate stepping on worms. Thank you for your review. I am glad you found this haiku "well written."
