haiku (earthworms swarm sidewalk)
Haiku Club Challenge # 3 earth62 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Nooooooo. Bad karma. (LOL) Good bait wasted. Okay, I'll get serious (if I must). Two well connected concrete images, a kigo (the winter reference) and a very yukky satori, but good nonetheless. (Sorry, that's as serious as I can get this afternoon. LOL)
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Nooooooo. Bad karma. (LOL) Good bait wasted. Okay, I'll get serious (if I must). Two well connected concrete images, a kigo (the winter reference) and a very yukky satori, but good nonetheless. (Sorry, that's as serious as I can get this afternoon. LOL)
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Dawn, for your "serious" review of my haiku on a yucky subject.
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Oops. I hope I didn't offend? I'm a little punch-drunk - couldn't sleep last night, slept four hours yesterday, couldn't sleep the night before...sigh...there IS reason - caffeine. Couldn't get my usual caffeine-free diet cola, so settled for diet Pepsi. BIG mistake. :))
Comment from humpwhistle
Hey, Andre, and happy New Year.
I've always been fascinated by the 'worm rodeo'
after a warm storm. A seasonal event here in the Northeast.
An aroma unmistakable. Coppery with a hint of paprika.
Haiku protocol is debated by scholars more qualified than I.
But I've always been taught the satori should be revealing
rather than descriptive. Just one school of thought.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Hey, Andre, and happy New Year.
I've always been fascinated by the 'worm rodeo'
after a warm storm. A seasonal event here in the Northeast.
An aroma unmistakable. Coppery with a hint of paprika.
Haiku protocol is debated by scholars more qualified than I.
But I've always been taught the satori should be revealing
rather than descriptive. Just one school of thought.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Oh, thank you, Lee, for your delicious review and revealing school of thought.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
EEEWWWW!!!!!!!!!
You caught my attention with the picture and spoke the truth in the piece.
Very well done with the picture in our minds and the noises...
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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EEEWWWW!!!!!!!!!
You caught my attention with the picture and spoke the truth in the piece.
Very well done with the picture in our minds and the noises...
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Oh, thank you, Barb, for your review on an eeewwww subject.
Comment from Pantygynt
I thyink it is the tapping of the feet on the ground that brings them to the surface to find out who is knocking. The satori is accurate and a touch yucky. Watch where you are treading might be good advice. The poetic badger would be happy with this lot.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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I thyink it is the tapping of the feet on the ground that brings them to the surface to find out who is knocking. The satori is accurate and a touch yucky. Watch where you are treading might be good advice. The poetic badger would be happy with this lot.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Yes, Pantygynt, watch your step. The poetic badger would enjoy this. Thank you for your review.
Comment from nancyrabbrose
Yours is an excellent haiku on the earthworm. Very visual and I can hear them as well. I like your use of alliteration. Also, since we usually think of a swarm of bees, I think it was a clever thing to put swarm with earthworms. I can tell that the oral part of your poem is appealing to you. And others, of course.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Yours is an excellent haiku on the earthworm. Very visual and I can hear them as well. I like your use of alliteration. Also, since we usually think of a swarm of bees, I think it was a clever thing to put swarm with earthworms. I can tell that the oral part of your poem is appealing to you. And others, of course.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Nancy, for your review. I used oral tricks like alliteration to create this slithering, squiggling haiku. Thanks.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sis Cat
This is a fine haiku with strong visual imagery
and solid grammatical connection of two lines
written in present tense with a lot of alliteration
which, in this case, works well
Excellent satori commentary line
Note:
Where I live, the worms are nowhere to be seen in winter
(ground frozen solid), but this is a common sight in other seasons
(especially, summer)
Nicely done!
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Hello Sis Cat
This is a fine haiku with strong visual imagery
and solid grammatical connection of two lines
written in present tense with a lot of alliteration
which, in this case, works well
Excellent satori commentary line
Note:
Where I live, the worms are nowhere to be seen in winter
(ground frozen solid), but this is a common sight in other seasons
(especially, summer)
Nicely done!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Rspoet, you lucked out with the frozen ground. Here earthworms abound after rains and sprinklers year around. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Sis, a well met challenge. Well written and so true. The rain certainly brings up the earthworms. I prefer them to stay off the sidewalk, LOL, but they are so necessary to help cultivate the soil, so as I said you met the challenge appropriately. Happy New Year to you and yours, warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Hi Sis, a well met challenge. Well written and so true. The rain certainly brings up the earthworms. I prefer them to stay off the sidewalk, LOL, but they are so necessary to help cultivate the soil, so as I said you met the challenge appropriately. Happy New Year to you and yours, warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Dorothy, for your review. I prefer worms stay off the sidewalks, too. Thanks.
Comment from nomi338
Will we, like the earthworms be rousted from our domiciles, forced to squirm in search of a place to hide from the coming disaster slated to soon devastate mankind? There is a looming fate hanging in a darkening future sky. Many of us are marked for destruction and few of us can see or recognize it. Sorry. I did not mean to alarm you, I am besieged by a dark spirit on this the first day of 2017.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Will we, like the earthworms be rousted from our domiciles, forced to squirm in search of a place to hide from the coming disaster slated to soon devastate mankind? There is a looming fate hanging in a darkening future sky. Many of us are marked for destruction and few of us can see or recognize it. Sorry. I did not mean to alarm you, I am besieged by a dark spirit on this the first day of 2017.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Yes, for first day of 2017 is dark. If things go poorly for use, the worms may outlive us. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Very well written, I always pick up worms from the sidewalk and place them on grass after the rain!I also refused to dissect them in science class!This Haiku is perfectly formed,love the alliteration and wriggly feeling and sounds (onomatopoeic) conjured up by this write.Truly excellent.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Very well written, I always pick up worms from the sidewalk and place them on grass after the rain!I also refused to dissect them in science class!This Haiku is perfectly formed,love the alliteration and wriggly feeling and sounds (onomatopoeic) conjured up by this write.Truly excellent.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Meia, I do the same thing, too. I pick up earthworms from the sidewalk and place them on the line. As small as they are, they are life. Thank you for your review.
Comment from jmcfadden1528
I love poems that tell a whole story in a few short lines. As a kid I remember walking down the sidewalk after it rained and seeing the exact scenario you describe in this piece. Great job on this one, and keep writing! I greatly enjoy your work :)
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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I love poems that tell a whole story in a few short lines. As a kid I remember walking down the sidewalk after it rained and seeing the exact scenario you describe in this piece. Great job on this one, and keep writing! I greatly enjoy your work :)
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Thank you. Your review cheers me because it confirms my ability to tell a whole story through poetry and my focus on a common sight.
