The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 54 "Allies and Enemies-Part 1"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
26 total reviews
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Popping into a book at this stage is pretty tough, but what I can say is you present clean work with a talent for dialogue. Supernatural powers? Daredevil Girls? Hmm, I stalled when I reached the truth or myth section of my book. Yours seems to flow and It seems you haven't lost your momentum/
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2017
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Popping into a book at this stage is pretty tough, but what I can say is you present clean work with a talent for dialogue. Supernatural powers? Daredevil Girls? Hmm, I stalled when I reached the truth or myth section of my book. Yours seems to flow and It seems you haven't lost your momentum/
Comment Written 06-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much for your six stars and brilliant review!
Keeping momentum with these long works is a challenge, and it has come and gone. That's one reason I started a second novel to run along side this one. If I stall out on one, I switch to the other, and then I come back with a new perspective. I actually have another chapter to post, and am working on building coins up to do it. I'm getting so tired, though, I may just post it low to hit that 6 mark.
Good luck, again,
Rhonda
Comment from mvbrooks
The escape scene is very well-written and one can easily envision it as though it were occurring on a movie screen. There's intensity, conflicting, and appears to be a "happy ending."
Great understatement as the "supernatural creatures" engaged the werewolves with the phrase, ""Yeah, that's a bit unusual."
clever story.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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The escape scene is very well-written and one can easily envision it as though it were occurring on a movie screen. There's intensity, conflicting, and appears to be a "happy ending."
Great understatement as the "supernatural creatures" engaged the werewolves with the phrase, ""Yeah, that's a bit unusual."
clever story.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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True, it is a bit of an understatement, but by now they all know Nancy's had a crazy past.
Thank you for reading and leading a great review! I do appreciate you,
Rhonda
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very well written chapter, my friend. Interesting with lots of action. Good use of dialogue in this. I think I missed some chapters, but hope to keep reading it, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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A very well written chapter, my friend. Interesting with lots of action. Good use of dialogue in this. I think I missed some chapters, but hope to keep reading it, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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Hi, Debbie, it's good to hear from you!! Thank you for stopping by and giving the story a wonderful review. Hope to hear from you again!
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I love the artwork.
-This is a good chapter to bring in the DDG and the various tasks they were
organizing and also checking out what was going on, in general.
-It seems like a prelude to a plan, until the end, as you point out very well in the last two paragraphs.
-The description is good, and we can see the characteristics of what made Nancy and the others successful in the first place:
"Standing on the edge of battle, the veil of time lifted and Nancy became a warrior once more."
"She might have tried to hide her past, but now, when she needed it most, the Daredevil Girl was reborn."
-Will look forward to plans getting even more tense.
-Here's wishing you a good 2017, Rhonda.
-I will be posting again, but have been taking a break for the holidays.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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-I love the artwork.
-This is a good chapter to bring in the DDG and the various tasks they were
organizing and also checking out what was going on, in general.
-It seems like a prelude to a plan, until the end, as you point out very well in the last two paragraphs.
-The description is good, and we can see the characteristics of what made Nancy and the others successful in the first place:
"Standing on the edge of battle, the veil of time lifted and Nancy became a warrior once more."
"She might have tried to hide her past, but now, when she needed it most, the Daredevil Girl was reborn."
-Will look forward to plans getting even more tense.
-Here's wishing you a good 2017, Rhonda.
-I will be posting again, but have been taking a break for the holidays.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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Hi Pam,
I've missed you! Hope you had a wonderful Christmas, and blessings for the New Year. Can't wait to read yours again.
Thank you for the beautiful six stars, and great review.
Action is imminent, I'm afraid, and the action should stay in gear.
Nancy was born for this role in life, I'm afraid!
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
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Thanks for your reply, Rhonda. Christmas was very nice and hope yours was, too. You are very welcome and deserving for the review and stars. Looking forward to how the story develops.
Comment from rspoet
The new title threw me off at first. I thought this was a different story,
but it seems it's the next part of the high school battle.
Billy is a bit of a handful, but he has good instincts.
Very good dialogue and action that kept story moving well
The "good" vampires and the supernatural beings arrive just in time
and Nancy becomes a daredevil girl once more.
Once a daredevil girl, always a daredevil girl.
The kids will cheer her return!
This is a solid continuation of the story, my friend
Well done
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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The new title threw me off at first. I thought this was a different story,
but it seems it's the next part of the high school battle.
Billy is a bit of a handful, but he has good instincts.
Very good dialogue and action that kept story moving well
The "good" vampires and the supernatural beings arrive just in time
and Nancy becomes a daredevil girl once more.
Once a daredevil girl, always a daredevil girl.
The kids will cheer her return!
This is a solid continuation of the story, my friend
Well done
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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Thanks so much for the wonderful six stars!
Good to see you back. I know you've probably taken a Holiday break.
I didn't know there was a change in title... I'd better check.
The Part one and two (about to post it) was because the chapter was way too long and I had to break it in half.
Yes, Nancy is on the hunt!!
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from Thesis
Jumping into your book with this first read, I found the world you created fascinating. The characters all are interesting and the roles they play flow well. I know reading prior chapters will help me to put things into perspective, but you have my attention to get deeper into the book.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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Jumping into your book with this first read, I found the world you created fascinating. The characters all are interesting and the roles they play flow well. I know reading prior chapters will help me to put things into perspective, but you have my attention to get deeper into the book.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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Well, thank you very much! I look forward to you reading in the future, and I appreciate the review this time.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Jay Squires
Sorry for my spotty attendance, Rhonda. Been here and there, and the days of Christmas and leading to the New Year seemed stretched so tightly I could scarcely break free to do much reviewing. Your fine work seemed to slip through the cracks.
A few things I've noticed here:
crept toward the girl's bathroom. [... the GIRLS' bathroom >> Plural possessive, unless it belongs to only one of the girls.]
it helped his sister remember a place they could escape. [If I understand this sentence correctly, Bell was referencing the window. If so, they wouldn't be escaping the window. Instead, wouldn't it be "a place FROM WHICH they could escape." ?]
"Are you always this much trouble?" [Yes! I like Billy's spunk. His reasoning is spot on, and precocious.]
"Hey, wait, I know the man standing close to the door." [Would suggest bringing this up to the previous paragraph, since it was preceded by Tabby's action of looking back, and you don't use a speech tag for the dialogue. Further, the "ownership" of the dialogue that follows can be confused by the reader who is not as intimate with the characters as the writer is.
With the careful instincts inherent in all vampires, [Just as an FYI, I'm not sure "careful" is the best modifier of "instincts" here. I've read it through a few times and it doesn't resonate with me (though I can't think of a substitute for it). Just thought I'd throw it out to you.
slow night proved torturous... [There should be a space before and after an ellipsis]
The women were beautiful to the eye, but rotten inside, like an apple left too long on the tree. [A good simile, Rhonda, but "women" lacks agreement with "an apple." That said, I STILL love the simile's effectiveness.]
her limbs renewed with vigor, her heart raced like a wild beast, and her brain grew clearer and more focused. [Excellent attention to detail here. Really gets the reader involved, directly.]
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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Sorry for my spotty attendance, Rhonda. Been here and there, and the days of Christmas and leading to the New Year seemed stretched so tightly I could scarcely break free to do much reviewing. Your fine work seemed to slip through the cracks.
A few things I've noticed here:
crept toward the girl's bathroom. [... the GIRLS' bathroom >> Plural possessive, unless it belongs to only one of the girls.]
it helped his sister remember a place they could escape. [If I understand this sentence correctly, Bell was referencing the window. If so, they wouldn't be escaping the window. Instead, wouldn't it be "a place FROM WHICH they could escape." ?]
"Are you always this much trouble?" [Yes! I like Billy's spunk. His reasoning is spot on, and precocious.]
"Hey, wait, I know the man standing close to the door." [Would suggest bringing this up to the previous paragraph, since it was preceded by Tabby's action of looking back, and you don't use a speech tag for the dialogue. Further, the "ownership" of the dialogue that follows can be confused by the reader who is not as intimate with the characters as the writer is.
With the careful instincts inherent in all vampires, [Just as an FYI, I'm not sure "careful" is the best modifier of "instincts" here. I've read it through a few times and it doesn't resonate with me (though I can't think of a substitute for it). Just thought I'd throw it out to you.
slow night proved torturous... [There should be a space before and after an ellipsis]
The women were beautiful to the eye, but rotten inside, like an apple left too long on the tree. [A good simile, Rhonda, but "women" lacks agreement with "an apple." That said, I STILL love the simile's effectiveness.]
her limbs renewed with vigor, her heart raced like a wild beast, and her brain grew clearer and more focused. [Excellent attention to detail here. Really gets the reader involved, directly.]
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Jay, and I'm am glad to see you back. I was afraid you'd been elf-napped, or thrust into an alternate universe (I hate it when that happens!)
Thanks for the wonderful advice. Much appreciated!!
Rhonda
Comment from giraffmang
Another good chapter as this story draws to its ultimate conclusion
Standing on the edge of battle, the veil of time lifted and Nancy became a warrior once more - I love this line.
A familiar metallic taste appeared in Nancy's mouth... the irrefutable mark of adrenaline.- not so sure this is the case. Adrenaline is a hormone and as such isn't ingested. If it was it would probably taste bland!
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Another good chapter as this story draws to its ultimate conclusion
Standing on the edge of battle, the veil of time lifted and Nancy became a warrior once more - I love this line.
A familiar metallic taste appeared in Nancy's mouth... the irrefutable mark of adrenaline.- not so sure this is the case. Adrenaline is a hormone and as such isn't ingested. If it was it would probably taste bland!
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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True, but it causes a coppery taste in your mouth as it increases your blood supply to vital organs, ones associated with fight or flight. I've never experience it, besides a dry mouth, but I have heard others describe it.
Thanks for the wonderful commentary. This may be the first time ever that you didn't find a grammatical error, or if you did, you didn't mention it, and I'll take that!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I am so pleased I have not missed the last few chapters of the story, Rhonda. I may have missed a couple while I was in New Zealand. This one is great and I thought how young ones would love it and be so engaged with it, hell, I am very engaged myself! Giddy
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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I am so pleased I have not missed the last few chapters of the story, Rhonda. I may have missed a couple while I was in New Zealand. This one is great and I thought how young ones would love it and be so engaged with it, hell, I am very engaged myself! Giddy
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Giddy! What a wonderful thing to say! I try to keep my books readable for all groups, and to hear you say that warms my heart. Have a great week,
Rhonda
Comment from Alex Biasin
Nice work Rhonda.
The story moves along at a good pace and there was enough going on to keep the interest and make you want to know more.
The action seemed to pick up as it went along and it finished on a high note.
Vampires and such aren't really my thing but I enjoyed this, so well done.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2017
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Nice work Rhonda.
The story moves along at a good pace and there was enough going on to keep the interest and make you want to know more.
The action seemed to pick up as it went along and it finished on a high note.
Vampires and such aren't really my thing but I enjoyed this, so well done.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Alex. Vampires aren't for everyone, but I have lots of strange creatures for diversity. lol.
Thanks so much,
Rhonda
