The Night Santa Lost A Letter
A wish for a fire truck4 total reviews
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
I went back and forth on the rating for this one and decided to err on the high. The story is lovely and expresses a wonderful sense of Christmas spirit. It is hard to read since you do not break paragraphs - this is really a problem when it comes to dialog since once finds it hard to follow who is saying what which becomes really distracting and detracts from the actual story. The main reason I was torn here and almost went with a good is that the work is not your own. It clearly states in the posting rules that each work posted must be an original work by the author posting it. You did give your great aunt credit in the notes, but you should make sure all future posts are your own. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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I went back and forth on the rating for this one and decided to err on the high. The story is lovely and expresses a wonderful sense of Christmas spirit. It is hard to read since you do not break paragraphs - this is really a problem when it comes to dialog since once finds it hard to follow who is saying what which becomes really distracting and detracts from the actual story. The main reason I was torn here and almost went with a good is that the work is not your own. It clearly states in the posting rules that each work posted must be an original work by the author posting it. You did give your great aunt credit in the notes, but you should make sure all future posts are your own. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the review. I own the book and am thinking about making some changes to it to get it published, I 'm not sure if it would be something parents would want to read to their children as I did with mine own when they were small.what do you think?
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It is very hard to interest publishers these days as they expect you to pay for everything yourself. If you are willing to expend the money, it might be worth doing but visions of fame are rare until you have established yourself as a writer with a large following. Good luck.
Comment from Kaydoe
This is a lovely story and holds ones attention. I like how you said the letter drifted like a snowflake to earth, very descriptive. A lot of imagination and an enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2016
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This is a lovely story and holds ones attention. I like how you said the letter drifted like a snowflake to earth, very descriptive. A lot of imagination and an enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 24-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2016
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Thank you for your review and comment, I do appreciate it.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
yes this is well written a beautiful Christmas story with a happy ending to make the readers smile I enjoyed happy Christmas regards jill
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2016
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yes this is well written a beautiful Christmas story with a happy ending to make the readers smile I enjoyed happy Christmas regards jill
Comment Written 24-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2016
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Thank you for your review Mrs. Happy Poet I appreciate it Merry Christmas, Are you IRISH? I only hear Happy Christmas from my husband,
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
It would probably be a good idea to insert some line breaks into your work. Leaving a clear line between paragraphs eases the read, makes it easier to follow and gives a clearer write. Also, many people do skip over large blocks of unbroken text. It is also a good idea to do likewise for dialogue too.
You should go through this again looking at the spacing. Particularly following full stops (periods) and commas. there should always be a space after these.
Jack Frost from biting his nose..then picked up - it is more common to use three dots for the ellipsis. (...)
He had the sky to himself.for in that long ago - there shouldn't be a full stop here, rather a comma. if it is a full stop then it should be followed by a capital letter.
how it happened neither of the reindeers - neither is typically used when referring to two of something as opposed to more.
forget one boy or girl,But only those - again here there should be no capital following a comma.
A lot of sentences are overly long and in need of additional punctuation.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2016
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Hi there,
It would probably be a good idea to insert some line breaks into your work. Leaving a clear line between paragraphs eases the read, makes it easier to follow and gives a clearer write. Also, many people do skip over large blocks of unbroken text. It is also a good idea to do likewise for dialogue too.
You should go through this again looking at the spacing. Particularly following full stops (periods) and commas. there should always be a space after these.
Jack Frost from biting his nose..then picked up - it is more common to use three dots for the ellipsis. (...)
He had the sky to himself.for in that long ago - there shouldn't be a full stop here, rather a comma. if it is a full stop then it should be followed by a capital letter.
how it happened neither of the reindeers - neither is typically used when referring to two of something as opposed to more.
forget one boy or girl,But only those - again here there should be no capital following a comma.
A lot of sentences are overly long and in need of additional punctuation.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 24-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2016
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Thank you for your review and comments I appreciate it.
