Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Chapter Two part Drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
35 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Sp the plot thickens... as they say. We now Anderson has some heavy clout in his corner and a team of clever, knowledgeable people around him.
It would appear Shana's fallen on her feet...
All the best
G
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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Hi there,
Sp the plot thickens... as they say. We now Anderson has some heavy clout in his corner and a team of clever, knowledgeable people around him.
It would appear Shana's fallen on her feet...
All the best
G
Comment Written 15-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Very interesting. I don't think many of our kids know these things these days, WWII may not even be taught in schools anymore. The Civil Was isn't. We are losing so much of our history so I think it's great to write stories like this that give a history lesson along with the story. Looking forward to more.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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Very interesting. I don't think many of our kids know these things these days, WWII may not even be taught in schools anymore. The Civil Was isn't. We are losing so much of our history so I think it's great to write stories like this that give a history lesson along with the story. Looking forward to more.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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Thank you for the encouragement. I fear if we don't know history, we are doomed to repeat it.
Comment from barkingdog
I very much like the way this is progressing with you filling in the reader on the background of WWII, the Russians and Hitler. I'm okay with the scenario of the death of Hitler. It shouldn't be a big deal, anyway, since it's not a key part of your story.
Fine chapter, barbara.
:) e
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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I very much like the way this is progressing with you filling in the reader on the background of WWII, the Russians and Hitler. I'm okay with the scenario of the death of Hitler. It shouldn't be a big deal, anyway, since it's not a key part of your story.
Fine chapter, barbara.
:) e
Comment Written 15-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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Thank you for the kind review and words of wisdom.
Comment from lancellot
This is very well crafted and told chapter. Keep 'em coming.
notes:
"Don't start." Helen placed three glasses on the table and filled them. "I'm ready."
- add space-
Anderson nodded for Philip to begin
Anderson nodded for Philip to begin. []"Between June 1941
- I would suggest adding a line space here too, because the action is performed by Anderson and dialogue by Philip.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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This is very well crafted and told chapter. Keep 'em coming.
notes:
"Don't start." Helen placed three glasses on the table and filled them. "I'm ready."
- add space-
Anderson nodded for Philip to begin
Anderson nodded for Philip to begin. []"Between June 1941
- I would suggest adding a line space here too, because the action is performed by Anderson and dialogue by Philip.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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I had a space in there, I am not sure what happened to it. Thank you for the catch.
Comment from dweigt
Good continuation! You are giving us the background without slowing down the story too much. I think the dialogue feels more natural in this section, with just one or two suggestions for your consideration:
Great, great grandpa -- I don't think you would use a comma here. It is usually great-grandfather and great-great-grandfather. In this case you are informal with "grandpa", but I still think great-great-grandpa would be clearer.
Nazi party became strong enough to overtake the university system. -- overtake, or take over?
"Don't start." Helen placed three glasses on the table and filled them. "I'm ready."
Anderson nodded for Philip to begin. -- Missing a blank line between paragraphs. And to clarify who is speaking, consider: Anderson nodded, and Philip began.
"I don't blame you one bit," added Jane. -- Avoid dialogue tags other than said and asked. In this case, "added" doesn't really fit, in my opinion.
"I don't blame you one bit," Jane said.
You're a really important man, and so is your family." -- Would Jane say this? She knows it, and so does Drew, so it seems unlikely. This feels like you want the reader to know this, but try to find another way to make it clear. Also, it sounds as if Jane is saying Drew's family is an important man.
This is moving along well, and you've laid out the stakes and are gradually raising the tension. Keep writing!
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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Good continuation! You are giving us the background without slowing down the story too much. I think the dialogue feels more natural in this section, with just one or two suggestions for your consideration:
Great, great grandpa -- I don't think you would use a comma here. It is usually great-grandfather and great-great-grandfather. In this case you are informal with "grandpa", but I still think great-great-grandpa would be clearer.
Nazi party became strong enough to overtake the university system. -- overtake, or take over?
"Don't start." Helen placed three glasses on the table and filled them. "I'm ready."
Anderson nodded for Philip to begin. -- Missing a blank line between paragraphs. And to clarify who is speaking, consider: Anderson nodded, and Philip began.
"I don't blame you one bit," added Jane. -- Avoid dialogue tags other than said and asked. In this case, "added" doesn't really fit, in my opinion.
"I don't blame you one bit," Jane said.
You're a really important man, and so is your family." -- Would Jane say this? She knows it, and so does Drew, so it seems unlikely. This feels like you want the reader to know this, but try to find another way to make it clear. Also, it sounds as if Jane is saying Drew's family is an important man.
This is moving along well, and you've laid out the stakes and are gradually raising the tension. Keep writing!
Comment Written 14-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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Thank you for the help. I have made the corrections.
Comment from Sasha
This is really getting exciting and continues to be filled with tremendous, heart pounding intrigue. I am enjoying the story and as the tension builds so does my curiosity over how Shana will get her family's artwork back. I know, even with the proper paperwork, it is not going to be an easy job.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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This is really getting exciting and continues to be filled with tremendous, heart pounding intrigue. I am enjoying the story and as the tension builds so does my curiosity over how Shana will get her family's artwork back. I know, even with the proper paperwork, it is not going to be an easy job.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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It sure isn't going to be easy, plus there will be a few twists in the story that were not originally planned. Muses can be a pain. LOL Thank you.
Comment from rama devi
I like this story--it's fascinating and educational too. Even in such a short chapter, you managed to draw me in....then it felt like the chapter was too short...though the ending note, as always, is a good one. As usual, fine pacing with dialog driven narrative aptly enhances by excellent action tags that also enhance characterization.
Enjoyed. Just a couple of comma nits.
Otherwise, well done!
*In 1931, the German economic crisis worsened(,) and the Nazi party became strong enough to overtake the university system. He brought his family to the US,(no ,) but couldn't bring the artwork.
After conjunctions, commas should be used when there is an independent clause and NOT used if there is a dependent clause.
* From that(,) she carefully removed a yellowed fragile document written in German.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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I like this story--it's fascinating and educational too. Even in such a short chapter, you managed to draw me in....then it felt like the chapter was too short...though the ending note, as always, is a good one. As usual, fine pacing with dialog driven narrative aptly enhances by excellent action tags that also enhance characterization.
Enjoyed. Just a couple of comma nits.
Otherwise, well done!
*In 1931, the German economic crisis worsened(,) and the Nazi party became strong enough to overtake the university system. He brought his family to the US,(no ,) but couldn't bring the artwork.
After conjunctions, commas should be used when there is an independent clause and NOT used if there is a dependent clause.
* From that(,) she carefully removed a yellowed fragile document written in German.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 13-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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I am beginning to believe I will never understand commas. LOL thank you for the help.
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They are pesky creatures, hard to tame!
Comment from trumby
Great story. Lots of suspense and drama.
There was a lot of paintings and other treasures that went missing during the 2nd World War. The Nazis were certainly an evil crew.
Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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Great story. Lots of suspense and drama.
There was a lot of paintings and other treasures that went missing during the 2nd World War. The Nazis were certainly an evil crew.
Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 13-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Lu Saluna
This is a very exciting story and I am enjoying the attention to detail. The relevant detail related to history makes it all the more believable and brings everything more to life. There were so many tragedies resulting from this was, loss of life, humanity, entire families along with their legacies. Family heirlooms and the art that would pass down the family line was yet one more victim lost in the war.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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This is a very exciting story and I am enjoying the attention to detail. The relevant detail related to history makes it all the more believable and brings everything more to life. There were so many tragedies resulting from this was, loss of life, humanity, entire families along with their legacies. Family heirlooms and the art that would pass down the family line was yet one more victim lost in the war.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
yes this is well written again my friend I liked the way the story is developing I can see it developing into a romance you do so well with all aspects of the chapter I enjoyed well-done regards jill
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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yes this is well written again my friend I liked the way the story is developing I can see it developing into a romance you do so well with all aspects of the chapter I enjoyed well-done regards jill
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Thank you for the kind review.
